


The Condemned and The Departed

by ghoulshuu



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Disordered Eating, Eating Disorders, Enforcer!Hide, Enforcer!Kaneki, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, More tags to be added, Psycho Pass AU, that one, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-05-09 10:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 54,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5536235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulshuu/pseuds/ghoulshuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rewrite of The Investigator and His Dog.</p>
<p>Hide and Kaneki are enforcers at the Public Safety Bureau. The duo make a remarkable team, but will they be able to tackle all the challenges thrown at them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Guess who is back!? This is a rewite of my story "The Investigator and His Dog", which I took down a few months ago. This is the new and improved version, so I really hope you enjoy it!

“It is a pleasure to meet all of you.” Tsukiyama bowed, an easy smile on his face. Greeting came easy to him. His father would always have him meet important people, and Tsukiyama knew how far a good first impression would get him, whether it be a business meeting, or… but it was best not to think of that.

His lips twitched, but he caught himself before his smile faltered, and he raised his head to match the gazes of the people in the room. His new colleagues. All except the man to his immediate left, who was his superior.

His name was Amon and as far as Tsukiyama could tell, he seemed like a good man. He oozed of discipline and honour and… whatever else went on in his presumably boring head. No, he was far more interested in the people who stood in front of him. Unlike the man next to him, they all, like Tsukiyama, had high criminal coefficients.

All victims of the Sibyl System. It was a system that determined a person’s temperament, their psychological condition, and most importantly, a person’s crime coefficient. A person’s crime coefficient ultimately measuring how much of a hazard that person was to society and how likely that person was to commit a crime.

And the people in the room with him? Well, once again, save for the boring man on his left, their crime coefficients were all over one hundred. Tsukiyama himself placed well above that, at about one hundred-sixty the last time he checked.

He wondered about his colleagues. Would it be rude of him to ask? Probably. What if he offered his first? Added it on to the end of his introduction. Would they follow suit? He opened his mouth, but quickly snapped it shut. Non.

“My name is Tsukiyama Shuu.”

The blond was the first to speak, popping his bleached head over the back of the couch where he was sitting. “Name’s Hide.” He gave a short wave, grinning easily enough. He nudged the man beside him, who shook him off and turned.

“Kaneki Ken.” The very first thing Tsukiyama noticed was his stark-white hair. The next was the dark circles under his eyes.

Tsukiyama nodded to him politely and turned to the last person. A petite girl who looked like she was just out of high school. She did not introduce herself. In fact, Tsukiyama swore he saw her turn up the music on her ipod.

“That’s Touka. She’s always grumpy and rude as fuck.” Hide’s grin widened. “She likes baby kittens and bunnies.” Hide ducked as something went flying over his head and began to speak faster. “She has a little grey one as her wallpaper and she sometimes makes latte art and –“

Kaneki reached out and caught a shoe as it went sailing towards Hide, who did not so much as flinch.

“You’re so mean to me, Touka.” He whined, retreating back to sitting on the couch. “Hey!” He gaped at Kaneki as he tossed Touka’s shoe back to her. “Don’t give her back her ammunition!”

“You’re loud and I’m trying to read.”

“You read?” Tsukiyama interjected, as honest smile finding its way to his lips.

Kaneki blinked. “Yes.” He placed a ribbon between the pages and closed his book.

Tsukiyama’s eyes widened when he saw the cover. “Is that Takatsuki Sen?”

“It is.” Kaneki held the book gently in his hands, like it was a treasure to him. “Do you like her works?”

“ _Love_ them.” Tsukiyama sat on the couch beside Kaneki as he made some room for him. “She has such a way of conveying emotions and her descriptions are hauntingly _real_ and –“

Hide groaned on the other side of Kaneki, causing Tsukiyama to notice his presence. It was surprising he forgot he was there, considering _even_ Tsukiyama would not wear so many bright colours at once. It was horrendous. “Not another book nerd,” he groaned. “Touka. Save me.”

“Not a chance.”

Tsukiyama cleared his throat awkwardly and continued. He was not used to being interrupted. “I always kept up with her works. Do you happen to have her latest one? They would not let me have it while I was…”

“Ah,” Kaneki muttered. “Figures they wouldn’t.” He shifted in his seat. “Would you like me to grab it now?”

Tsukiyama was about to turn down the offer and ask him for it later when Hide stood.

“I’ll grab it.” He made a strange noise as he stood and stretched. “All your book stuff is gonna put me to sleep anyway.”

“Alright.” Kaneki frowned momentarily before shooting him a smile. “Thanks.”

Hide waved a hand. “Not a problem.”

Hide disappeared in a hurry, leaving Tsukiyama to stare in confusion at his disappearing back. Kaneki smiled at him awkwardly before continuing their discussion on authors, drifting away from Takatsuki Sen to other authors such as Kafka. Tsukiyama recalled reading on of his works and was prompted by Kaneki to try a few more out. After, of course, he finish the one by his favourite author.

Hide came back a few minutes later, holding out the book to Kaneki. “Man, your bookshelf is a mess.”

Kaneki sighed. “And you were probably the one to mess it up.”

“I have no comment.” Hide said with a grin, plopping back down beside Kaneki. “Except it’s totally not my doing. At all. Nope.”

Kaneki rolled his eyes, leaning over to quickly kiss Hide’s cheek, turning both of them bright red. “Well, thank you anyway.” He pulled the book from Hide’s hands and held it out to Tsukiyama with a smile. “For you.”

“Merci.” Tsukiyama traced his finger over the cover before carefully cracking the book open.

“I’ll leave you to that then.” Kaneki hefted himself off the couch. “Do you want some coffee?”

“That would be lovely.” Tsukiyama said pleasantly, blinking in surprise. He never expected everyone to be so friendly – well, Tsukiyama discreetly glanced at Touka – some of them. He would have to do something for them as well. He was a good cook. It was something of a lost art. Perhaps he could make something for them?

He was interrupted out of his thoughts when Hide groaned, standing again. “Geez. I just sat down.” He turned towards Tsukiyama and whispered, “He makes some of the best coffee, by the way.” Then he plodded off, following Kaneki into the kitchen.

…

“Hey.” Hide slid an arm around Kaneki’s waist. He did not turn, but leaned back into Hide’s embrace. “What was that about?”

“What?” Kaneki finished pouring the coffee grounds out of the grinder and raised an eyebrow.

“This.” Hide pressed his lips to Kaneki’s cheek, humming happily when Kaneki turned to meet his lips instead.

Kaneki laughed lightly when they separated. “You were getting insecure.”

“Me? Insecure? No way. I mean. Have you _seen_ my ass?” Hide waggled his eyebrows, but his lips were pressed together.

Kaneki sighed and booped Hide’s nose with his index finger, making him start. “Yes… and also yes.”

Hide huffed and pouted before regaining his composure. “He’s really pretty _and_ he likes books. That’s all. I just felt a little… inadequate.”

Kaneki pressed his lips to Hide’s forehead. “You’re my best friend, my love, my _lover_. I wouldn’t exchange you for anyone in the world. Also, you are not inadequate. You know that.”

Hide leaned into an embrace, resting his head on Kaneki’s shoulder. “Yeah, I do. What I know and what I _feel_ is kind of different though.”

“Which is why I’m here to clear that up.” Kaneki smiled as he felt Hide do the same against his neck.

“Which is also why you slobbered all over my face, right?” Hide chuckled before Kaneki could retort. “And also why you continue to restore my ‘ _impressively huge ego_ ’”?

“I’m just happy when you are happy and content.” Kaneki ruffed Hide’s hair. “Let me know if you need anymore… reassurance.” Kaneki pulled away and tried for a wink, though it was weakened by his burning face.

“Oh-ho I think I’m gonna need some reassurance every day.” Hide bit down on Kaneki’s neck lightly.

Kaneki covered Hide’s face with his palm, pushing him away. “You do realize we are in the kitchen right? You’re embarrassing.”

“I had to get _some_ revenge.” Hide reached out with his hands, flailing them about since they were just a bit shorter than Kaneki’s. He closed his eyes and repeatedly kissed Kaneki’s palm. “Let me love you.”

“You know,” A voice sounded from the entrance. “Like Kaneki said, this _is_ a kitchen.” Touka leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed. “And I want some damn coffee.”

“Damn this. Damn that. Toooouka…” Hide complained. “You’re ruining the moment.” He opened one eye and cocked an eyebrow at her.

“What mood?” Touka rinsed her mug in the sink and placed it beside the soon to be filled pot. “All I see are two fools acting foolish.”

“Maybe you need to join the little reading group Kaneki is starting. Expand that vocabulary of yours.” Hide remarked.

Touka simply raised her eyebrows, stepping into her fighting stance. “I’m sorry? What was that?”

“ _Nothing!_ ” Hide skipped out of the way, moving behind Kaneki.

Kaneki stepped out of the way as Touka darted forward. Hide yelped, but easily ducked out of the way when she reached to grab him. He then darted out of the room with a smirk on his face and a wave thrown over his shoulder.

“Get back here you little fox!” Touka was only answered with laughter.

She clicked her tongue, glancing at Kaneki and pushing her headphones down to sit on her neck. “How have you been lately?”

Kaneki shrugged. “Not too good. Not too bad.” The water was heated and ready to pour over the grinds.

“Really.” Touka pursed her lips. “That’s not what the circles under your eyes say.” She held up her hands quickly. “Not that I want to press… but you are talking to Hide about it, right? If you can’t – or uh – don’t want to –“ She grit her teeth. “Like, if you need to borrow my headphones or anything since…”

Since Kaneki broke Hide’s pair of orange ones. He planned to buy Hide a new pair and get his own, but it kept slipping his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing them roughly. “Thank you. I’ll let you know.”

Touka cleared her throat. “Yeah. Okay. That’s good.” She nodded to herself. “Good talk.” She awkwardly patted Kaneki’s shoulder.

Kaneki smiled and laid a hand over hers, squeezing lightly. Touka turned hers over to squeeze back. “Thank you again.”

“You’re welcome.” Touka waited for Kaneki to release her hand before pulling back. “Now, I need to go find where that boyfriend of yours is hiding.”

“Have fun. And try not to get on Amon’s nerves.” Kaneki waved her away. “I can bring you your coffee when it’s done. How do you want it?”

“Black. I’m going to have a looong night looking over paperwork.”

Kaneki gave a small laugh. “If I’m still up later, I’ll make more coffee for us.”

“That would be nice.”

Touka left and Kaneki finished making the coffee. He filled four mugs and carried them to the living room along with some sugar and cream. There he found Tsukiyama sitting by himself and Hide hiding behind one of the couches. He put Tsukiyama’s mug in front of him and gave Hide his, earning a wink in return.

It took about five minutes for Touka to come charging back into the living room, wrapping a fist around the front of Hide’s sweater, claiming she could smell his coffee. He barely managed to escape, seeming more concerned about not spilling his coffee than actually getting away.

An alarm went off and both of them froze, Hide with one foot in the air and Touka reaching towards him. Tsukiyama was glancing between everything in confusion, clearly looking for an explanation.

“Oh _damn it_.” Touka scowled and kicked at the ground. “And I didn’t even get to drink my coffee.”


	2. Lethal Eliminator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :-)

Hide slapped Kaneki on the shoulder, grinning as they jerked around in the back of the van as it raced down the streets, cutting tight corners. Tsukiyama was gripping his seat, eyes wide as he swayed around, constantly bumping into Touka, who appeared hardly pleased to be sitting next to Tsukiyama, who had just begun to turn green.

Kaneki was next to Hide, his eyes closed throughout the ride. He calmly breathed through his nose, and no one would be able to tell by looking at him, but Hide knew he got motion sick just like Tsukiyama. Hide massaged Kaneki’s tense shoulder, disappointed he could only reach the one.

Finally, the vehicle jerked to a stop, rattling them around one last time. Hide quickly undid his seatbelt, Kaneki and Touka doing the same. Tsukiyama fumbled with his, just managing to follow the rest of the enforcers out of the van, in line to get their dominators.

Touka’s eyebrows rose, but she did not say anything as her fingers brushed over the cool metal of the gun. Hide pressed his lips together as he picked his up, wondering what the mission could possibly entail, considering they were using dominators _and_ had the full team present.

As everyone turned to face Amon for instruction, Hide noted he knew the location.

Could that mean…

Amon’s face was red, and he was clearly sweating even though they had yet to do any physical exertion. The erratic driving, the location… Hide put two and two together, and when he did, his lips pressed into a thin line.

As Amon spoke, the flickering streetlight above him cast shadows on his face, making Amon’s grim, yet determined expression seem haunted. “Half an hour ago there were screams heard on location, as reported by a worker leaving his late shift. Drones picked up an increased crime coefficient in the area. We are to investigate the causes of these events and act accordingly.”

Amon’s suspicions were left unsaid, though they were clear to everyone but Tsukiyama.

Akira.

A month earlier, she disappeared, the series of warehouses they were at being her last known location.

“Tsukiyama, Kirishima, you will be with me. Kaneki, Nagachika, I trust you can handle yourselves.” Amon nodded to them.

“Yes, sir.” Hide said clearly.

In the time after Akira’s disappearance, Amon refused to take another partner. Usually, there were two investigators for a team of four enforcers. It much better ensured that the bureau’s codes and rules would be followed, but one person running a team of four was not unheard of, especially in times when there was a shortage of who were deemed fit for the job by the Sibyl System.

Some saw Amon’s refusal as selflessness, the will to put in the extra hours to run an entire team, and lessen the workload on newer, less experienced investigators, but Hide new better. Amon was afraid to take a new partner. Afraid because taking a new one meant admitting that Akira would never be coming back to fill the space she left when she disappeared.

“Nagachika,” Amon continued. “You and Kaneki will take the west warehouse. Be careful.”

Hide nodded and jogged off, Kaneki following close behind. At the front of the building, there were large docks to load and unload trucks, but they were locked and too difficult to open from the outside to be a means to get _inside_. There was also a smaller door between two of the docks, but Hide dismissed that one as well. It led to an open area that left them vulnerable and without cover. After some deliberation, Hide gestured Kaneki down the alley that ran between the west and the east warehouses. There was a door there that lead to a breakroom, probably used by those who wanted to smoke during their break.

Hide followed Kaneki soon after, with his dominator pointed, ready to fire at a moment’s notice. Kaneki suddenly stiffened, bringing a finger up to his lips, moving with more urgency towards the door. Hide shot him a quizzical look as he hurried after him, close on his heels.

“What did you hear?” Hide whispered.

“Screaming.” Kaneki quietly said before opening the door, wincing at the squeak the old hinges made.

As soon as Kaneki opened the door, Hide heard it. His eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat.

“Do you think that’s –“ Kaneki swore, urgently moving towards the screaming.

Hide took a deep breath. “It might be. It might not.” He grabbed Kaneki’s hand, guiding him as they moved forward, crouching low to avoid being seen through the window on the door. “Go through here in ten seconds. I’ll make it around and come from the right.”

Kaneki nodded and Hide jogged off, keeping his footsteps light, counting the seconds until Kaneki entered.

_Six, seven…_

Hide made it to the door, reaching down to twist the doorknob.

_Eight_.

Hide silently entered the room, dominator at the ready as he took cover behind some barrels, searching for the source of the screaming.

There, in the centre of the room, lay a tiny, black voice recorder.

_Nine._

Hide’s eyes cut to the door Kaneki was about to enter through, the slight glint of a wire a foot above the ground catching his eye.

Hide shouted urgently in warning. “ _Kaneki –“_

_Ten._

_“ –Don’t!_ ”

But the door opened, pressing against the wire, and Hide watched helplessly as it was pulled taut. The was a click and then –

Hide ducked his head down as the explosion rang out, making his ears buzz.

“ _Kaneki!”_ Hide was up, and running towards the doorway where Kaneki had tried to enter, even if he could not yet hear himself desperately shouting.

It only took a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before he reached Kaneki’s prone body, partially hidden under the remnants of what was probably the door. There was a groan from beneath, and Hide’s heart pounded as he carefully lifted the door off Kaneki, immediately crouching down to check his injuries.

Kaneki’s right eye met his, though his left one was closed, blood running down his cheek. Kaneki then looked down to his abdomen, and Hide followed his gaze to a jagged piece of warped metal protruding there. It was just off to his right, so close to missing his body entirely.

Hide lifted the device on his arm, trying to call of a medic, but all he got in response was static, no matter how many times he tried.

“They’re jamming the signal.” Kaneki breathed shallowly, as to not disturb the impalement. “We were set up.”

“Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck!_ ” Hide slammed his fist against the wall. He should have known. He should have _fucking_ known. Screaming heard in the same place Akira disappeared? It was _clearly_ bait. How could Hide not have noticed? Why did he not –

“Hide.” Kaneki caught his sleeve, gently pulling it to grasp his attention. “Everyone else probably heard the explosion.”

Hide breath caught as he realized what Kaneki was inferring. The others heard the explosion and would be coming to help them. The quickest way to do that was through a small passageway that connected the two buildings. There could be more traps set up to hurt the others as well.

Hide stayed kneeled beside Kaneki, torn. He wanted to stay with Kaneki, to help him any way he could, but he also could not let the others get hurt as well. Hide caught Kaneki’s hand, rubbing a soothing circle on the back of it.

“Go.” Kaneki said. “There isn’t anything you can do to help me without medical supplies, which we can’t get right now.”

“What if the person who set the bomb comes back? Then what.” Hide pressed, his eyebrows furrowing as his anxiety increased.

Kaneki smiled. “You know I’ll hear them… and also…” Kaneki held up his dominator. “It’s not like I’m helpless. I’ll be okay.”

“Kaneki…” Hide argued pointlessly.

Kaneki pulled his hand away. “Go.”

Hide clenched his teeth before turning his back and running down the hall. Between the room where the explosion occurred and the corridor connecting the two buildings, there was another area for storage. There was lots of cover and two stories with lifts going up to them. If anything was going to happen, it was going to be there.

Hide ducked into the room, keeping low. He could hear the sound of footsteps coming from the corridor. So he was right about the direction they were coming. A quick inspection of the room revealed no trip wires, but Hide could not help but feel like there was something wrong. There was a tingling down the back of his neck, his senses on high alert.

After some consideration, he decided to gain the higher ground. It would put him at a greater risk as a target, but it would help immensely if he managed to get up safely. Hide grabbed onto the rungs of a ladder, a means of manual travel if the lifts broke and left people stranded above.

Hide was half-surprised when he made it. He wasted no time getting on his feet as he heard Amon and the others enter the room, all of them with their dominators drawn and watching their surroundings. Hide could see Amon saying his and Kaneki’s names quizzically into his radio, trying to reach them, but to no avail.

Hide weighing the risks of calling out to Amon when he heard movement behind him coming from one of the storage areas. Heart bounding, Hide rushed behind a corner in time to see a figure walk to where Hide had just been standing.

It was too dark to see their face, but their silhouette did not look like one Hide knew. He did not know what the person was going to do. Until they pulled out a gun from the holster on their hip. Except it was not any old gun. No, it was a dominator.

For a moment, Hide was stunned. Firstly, there was not supposed to be any other investigator or enforcer on location. Secondly, what did they plan to do with the dominator? At most, they would be able to tranquilize Tsukiyama and Touka, but Hide highly doubted either of them had a coefficient high enough to warrant death.

So then, why exactly was the dominator shifting, bright blue shining, as it changed into lethal eliminator mode? Hide had no time to think as the person pointed the dominator at Amon, he simply acted on impulse, tackling them to the ground.

A shot went off, but it missed the group completely, hitting the ceiling of the building with a loud _bang_. The person struggled under Hide, while he frantically tried to keep them down and the dominator pointed away from anyone. But it was no use.

Hide was always physically weak, unable to put on muscle easily, so he relied on his intelligence, his cunning. It was no wonder it was easy for the person to shake him off, ploughing a knee into his stomach. Hide had no time to recover from the hit, because the next thing he knew, there was a hand in his hair driving his head into the wall.

…

Hide had a splitting headache when he awoke. He was groggy, and for a few seconds, wondered why there was no roof in his room and why his bed was moving. Then, realization hit him and he tried to sit up, only to have a pair of hands hold him down.

“Stay still.” It was Amon’s voice. “We don’t know how serious your injury is.”

“Kaneki?” Hide immediately demanded.

Amon sighed. “He should be okay. They loaded him into an ambulance a few minutes ago. They may have already reached the hospital.”

“And everyone else?”

“After the assailant knocked you out, they took off. With you and possibly Kaneki injured, I couldn’t spare anyone else to pursue them.” Amon’s hands left Hide’s shoulders. “Try to behave and listen to the doctors, Nagachika.” Amon muttered, unable to hide the concern in his voice.

Hide wanted to retort, but the doors of the ambulance were already closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose this chapter wasn't too much of a surprise for those who read the original story.


	3. Waking Up

While the beeping of various machines assured Kaneki he was still alive, but did not do anything to calm him. He blinked his eyes open, the after effects of the anesthesia made his mind tired and blurry. He did not calm until he saw Hide’s face, leaving him to wonder why his field of vision was so narrow and why he had not seen him in the first place. Upon noticing movement, Hide glanced down, a smile breaking across his face when he discovered Kaneki was awake.

“Hey buddy,” he reached over to brush some hair off Kaneki’s face.

“Hide.” Kaneki made a face when his voice came out mumbled and distorted. “Are you okay? Everyone else?”

Hide sighed. “You were in surgery for nearly seven hours and the first thing you do when you wake up is ask me if _everyone else_ is okay?” Hide smiled, reaching down to take Kaneki’s hand. “I’m okay. So is Touka, Tsukiyama, Amon… I just have a concussion.”

“ _Just._ ” Kaneki muttered.

“They checked me out.” Hide waved his free hand. “Did brain scans and all that junk just in case. It’s not severe.”

“Unless you hit your head again.” Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut, cringing.

“I promise I’ll be extra careful not to.” Hide’s voice softened. “How do you feel? I’ll call the nurse for more painkillers?”

Kaneki shook his head weakly. “Not yet. I’m just cold.”

“Alright, hang on a second. I think there’s extra blankets here somewhere.” Hide squeezed Kaneki’s hand before releasing it, standing to search some of the cabinets in the room, making a pleased noise when he was successful. “Arms above or below?”

“Just my right above.” Kaneki’s arms felt limp as Hide helped maneuver them, being careful of the various tubes going to Kaneki’s body. “Can you move to that side? I want to see you.”

“Shit. Yeah, sorry.” Hide shuffled over, pulling his chair with him.

Kaneki moved his hand without much coordination, searching for Hide’s. Hide caught it, threading his fingers through Kaneki’s.

“My eye?” Kaneki asked hesitantly.

Hide examined Kaneki’s face as he spoke. “They had to remove it.”

“…oh.” Kaneki bit his lip. “With everything… the injuries. Will they be able to – will I be able to keep –“ Kaneki’s voice rose slightly and Hide scooted closer so he would be able to cup Kaneki’s cheek.

“I asked. I thought you would be worried about that…” Hide exhaled slowly. “It depends. There would be a few other surgeries you would have to undergo. Apparently the transplant to restore your vision is easy enough, but there were some major muscles damaged by the impalement.” Hide smiled, soothing Kaneki’s nerves. “Luckily for you, they were able to patch your insides up. The only organ they had to replace was your kidney, but that was already a fake one anyway, so…”

“The muscles?” Kaneki pressed.

“Right.” Hide said. “From what I understood, the damage would greatly impair your movement… uhh…” Hide waved his hands. “I’m sure the doc will be able to explain better when she’s back in the afternoon. But there are some damaged enough they won’t be able to be repaired by rehabilitation. At least, not for a number of years. Even then there wouldn’t be full restoration.”

“Then my only option is robotics.” Kaneki nodded.

“The problem is that it isn't something that can be replaced in whole, like an arm or a leg.” Kaneki could tell Hide was struggling to recall all the doctor told him. “Hang on.” Kaneki waited as Hide pulled a notepad out, flipping through some pages. “Usually an exterior robotic structure is used to assist with movement, but it’s rather fragile and not suitable for combat.”

“Interior then?”

“Bingo.” Hide flipped the notebook shut. “It’s still an experimental surgery though. Supposedly rather complicated because of the proximity of vital organs and other structures. It’s rather expensive…”

Kaneki knew the words that went unspoken.

Would the Bureau be willing to invest money to make Kaneki combat ready? Or would it simply be easier to replace him with a new enforcer?

“I’ve talked to Amon.” Hide continued. “He’s going to try and help us as much as he can. Put in a good word and all.”

“When will we know?” The pain in Kaneki’s stomach was getting progressively worse, even though he was careful to not move his torso at all.

“Today at some point, hopefully. Amon was called in by the higher-ups for a meeting this morning.” Hide pursed his lips, staring pointedly as a bead of sweat rolled down Kaneki’s neck. “Ready for those painkillers yet?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Kaneki kept his eyes on Hide as he hit the call button, which would bring a nurse and some much needed relief from the building agony he was experiencing, both in his stomach, and then behind his – _no_ – where his eye used to be.

A nurse walked in soon after, regarding Hide warily. Hide nodded to him, then bent over to press a kiss to Kaneki’s forehead before moving away to the furthest wall to give the nurse some space. Kaneki did not pay much attention to the fluid that was injected into his IV, and did not really care as long as it stopped the pain. After that, the nurse scurried off, and Hide rushed back to Kaneki’s side.

“There we go.” Hide said as Kaneki visibly relaxed, the medication kicking in nearly immediately.

Kaneki hummed. “You’ll stay…?”

“Even if they try to kick me out.” Hide laughed. “I’ll be right here.”

“Don’t get into trouble.” Kaneki scolded.

“If you insist.” Hide went back to caressing Kaneki’s cheek.

Kaneki made a little noise and turned his face to brush his lips against Hide’s palm. His eyes were becoming heavy lidded. The morphine always made him tired, and he did not try to fight it. He waited expectantly for Hide to lean down, pressing his lips against Kaneki’s.

“I love you.” Hide murmured.

Kaneki smiled. “I love you too.”

Hide ruffled the hair on the right side of Kaneki’s head. “Go to sleep, Ken.” He said affectionately.

Kaneki felt kind of light, to the point when it was almost uncomfortable, nauseating, but the pain was dulled and his eyelids were heavy, so he closed his eyes and fell asleep with Hide at his side.

…

“Amon Koutarou. You are hereby removed from Case 1327.”

The words echoed in his head, bouncing back and forth relentlessly. He was taken off the case of his missing partner. They were _forcing_ him to give up, saying it was clouding his judgement, clouding his psycho pass. They said his feelings on the matter made him reckless, the implication, what _was not_ said, was that he was being held responsible for the injuries his subordinates suffered.

And yet, he could not argue. He refused to take a partner. Perhaps if Hide and Kaneki had an investigator with them, things would not have turned out like they did. Kaneki would not be in the hospital, recovering from a major surgery.

A partner would be assigned to join Amon as soon as there was one available. It made his stomach turn, but he knew it was for the best. The case would be handed over to a capable team.

It did not make it hurt any less.

Amon walked through the door to Kaneki’s room, feeling guilty as he saw Kaneki, pale as death, with various machines hooked up to him. Nagachika was seated next to him, his hand curled around Kaneki’s even as he snored and drooled with his head on the mattress next to him.

He smiled and shook his head. Feeling how chilly it was in the room, Amon searched for a blanket, only to see the ridiculous number of them covering Kaneki’s body _after_ he already searched all the cabinets. Amon sighed and shucked his coat to drape over Nagachika’s back. He shifted, but did not awake.

Amon nearly jumped when he stood and noticed a single grey eye watching him closely.

“Kaneki.” Amon breathed. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” He was sorry for a heck of a lot more than that.

Kaneki blinked slowly. “No. I’m thirsty. And need more painkillers.”

“Right.” Amon looked around helplessly. “Uh…”

“It’s just to my right. It’s red.” Kaneki told him.

“Where?” Amon questioned. “Oh. Wait. Never mind. I’ve got it.”

“So, what’s the news?” Kaneki pressed as they waited for a nurse.

“You were approved for any surgeries you may need to return to duty.” Amon stated. “As long as that is what you decide you want.”

“Of course.” Kaneki huffed.

Amon nodded. “Okay then. I’ll schedule the surgeries…”

A young nurse walked, pushing a cart with a tray on it. When her smile did not fade when she turned to Kaneki, he seemed to relax. “Good morning.” Amon noted she had a pleasant voice. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore.” Kaneki admitted.

The nurse hummed. “On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain right now?”

“About a five.”

“Let’s fix that, yes?”

Kaneki chuckled lightly, wincing when the motion hurt his stomach. “That would be much appreciated.”

As she was working with Kaneki’s IV, Hide stirred, mumbling as he blinked his eyes open. As he shifted, Amon’s jacket slid off his shoulders and fell to the floor, the sound causing Hide to jump, eyes wide and alert.

The nurse moved back to the cart and pulled the lid off a small bowl. “Now, I’m sure you don’t feel like eating at all and you won’t be able to for a few days.” She set up the tray above the bed and set the bowl on it. “You may sit up if you can. I’d like to get you moving as soon as possible to help blood circulate.”

“I’ll do my best.” Kaneki assured.

The nurse frowned. “Just don’t overexert yourself.” She shook her head. “I know you’d rather have a drink, but all I can give you are ice chips for now. If you need assistance with anything, just give me a call. The doctor will be in with you in a bit.”

“Thank you.”

She nodded to Kaneki, flashing him another bright smile as she left.

“She was nice.” Hide acknowledged, nudging Kaneki’s arm with his elbow.

Amon titled his head in confusion. “Are they… usually not?”

“Amon.” Hide laid a hand on his shoulder, closing his eyes and sighing dramatically. “You may be a great investigator, but sometimes you’re really oblivious.”

“How so?” Amon picked up his jacket, dusting it off before throwing it over his arm.

“Well,” Hide said. “For one, not a single nurse that walked in before her seemed like they wanted to be here.”

Kaneki groaned. “They think just because we’re latent criminals that we’re going to attack them.”

Amon frowned. “That’s…”

“Untrue.” Hide shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean the risk isn’t there.”

Amon knew how the latent criminals were treated. Among his colleagues at the bureau, hardly any of them trusted the enforcers working under them, even if they had known each other for a number of years. Hide and Kaneki were latent criminals, but Amon had at least some level of trust. It surprised him, to know there were people who thought so ill of them.

And it really should not have.

Amon was drawn out of his thoughts when he saw Kaneki grimacing, trying to push himself up on his elbows. Hide hovered with a confused expression, hands fluttering about.

Amon rushed forward, only to do something similar. “What can I do?”

“Ah.” Kaneki wheezed. “I want to move closer to the edge.”

“Which edge?” Amon wrapped an arm behind him to support his back.

“Towards Hide.”

Amon heard Kaneki sigh in relief when he was finally settled down, back into a more comfortable position. He was not surprised when Kaneki smiled and patted the open space on the bed, leaving Hide to scramble around to the other side. His expression left Amon to wonder if Kaneki was going to get a scolding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, any guesses as to who the 'nice' nurse is?
> 
> I did some research for this chapter, to keep it as real as possible, but still futuristic in the Psycho Pass world. But if anyone has any other information to make it more accurate, that would be much appreciated. 
> 
> FYI if you're ever in the hospital and on pain medication, don't wait for the pain to get worse before you notify a nurse, especially if you are on a pill form because it takes longer for those to kick in.


	4. Boredom

The first thing Kaneki noticed was that the bed was cold. Confused, and still half-asleep, he twisted to search for Hide, only to have a pang through his stomach. He groaned, resting his head back to the ground. He was used to waking with Hide beside him in the hospital, and it threw him off.

“He was needed for a job with Tsukiyama.” Kaneki blinked around until he spotted Touka perched on a chair. “Here I thought you were going to sleep all day.” She continued. “You’re able to have clear liquids now, right?”

Kaneki nodded, rubbing his eyes with one hand as he felt for the switch to angle the back of the bed more comfortably for him to sit. When the bed was in the position he wanted it, he stuff his pillow behind his shoulders, yawning.

Touka brought his tray over and set a thermos on top of it, as well as a cup of apple juice that clearly came from the small store in the hospital. “Don’t worry, I made the coffee myself, just the way you like it.”

Kaneki found himself smiling as he twisted off the lid, trying not to feel upset when he had difficulty doing so, his fingers feeling weak.

“Here.” Touka helped him twist the lid. “It’s still hot, so be careful.”

Kaneki mumbled his thanks, inhaling the coffee’s aroma. He sighed happily. “I really miss drinking your coffee.”

“I know. I make it damn good.” Touka grinned. “I bet all the coffee Hide’s brought you tastes like shit.”

“Not at all.” Kaneki winced.

“You’re lying.” Touka laughed. “You are totally lying.”

“Am not.” Kaneki argued.

“Are so.” Touka stood, stretching. She strode over to Kaneki’s bed and plopped down where Hide usually laid. Kaneki ignored her as she ran her hand through his hair and a thumb across his cheek. “That’s it. I’m getting a washcloth, you’re greasy as fuck.”

“Touka –“ But she already got up, and Kaneki could hear water running from the small bathroom in the room.

He sighed, drinking the rest of his coffee and moving onto the apple juice, humming as he sipped it. He was half done it when Touka finally came back. When she sat, she lifted Kaneki’s chin, careful to avoid the bandages covering his eye. She gently ran the cloth over his face, pulling back to examine it occasionally.

“I think my face is clean, Touka.” Kaneki whispered.

“Hardly.” She muttered. “When was the last time you washed it?”

“Last night.” Kaneki sighed. “When they gave me a sponge bath.”

“Oh.” Touka murmured. “Well it’s filthy.”

“I’m sure.” Kaneki frowned, inspecting Touka’s face.

As she moved to wipe his face again, Kaneki caught her hand and held it between his, giving it a gentle squeeze. As he did, he saw her expression crumble, her lip trembling as tears gathered in her eyes.

“It’s okay to cry.” Kaneki said, allowing an arm to wrap around Touka as she leaned against his shoulder.

“Shut up.” She sniffed. “I’m gonna punch you. When you’re better I’m gonna punch you.”

Kaneki laughed lightly and ran a comforting hand up and down her back. “You do that.”

Touka said a number of incomprehensible strings of words, though Kaneki was able to pick out a few. _Reckless._ _Irresponsible. Asshole._

“Learn how to be careful.” She hissed, roughly wiping the tears from her eyes, then in a voice, so small he could hardly hear it. “ _I don’t want to lose you too._ ”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Kaneki said, giving her one last squeeze before she pulled away.

“Good. Because otherwise I would have to track you down and kick your ass.” She brushed her hair out of her face, seeming to be irritated when it fell back. “I brought you something, by the way.”

“Oh?” Kaneki watched as she went over to small bag on the floor to pull out a few things.

“Hide says you’ve been sleeping soundly, but this wouldn’t hurt. Just in case. Or, you know. If you get bored or something.” She dropped her ipod on Kaneki’s lap, as well as a pair of headphones and a charger.

“Touka, that’s –“

“I am _lending_ them to you.” Touka pointed a finger at him. “And I damn well expect them back when you’re released.”  

“Thank you.” Kaneki picked up to set safely on the small desk next to his bed.

Touka huffed and sat back down, bringing her knees up to wrap her arms around.

Just then, the door opened, and the lady dubbed as the ‘nice’ nurse walked in. Kaneki was surprised she was constantly assigned to him, but then again, it was rare to have someone who was so willing to work with latent criminals. Perhaps she worked with all the others who came into the hospital as well? Kaneki felt guilty for not asking her name.

“Good morning.” She said. “How are you feeling today?”

“A bit better.” Kaneki admitted.

The nurse beamed. “That’s great.” She help out a small, plastic cup to Kaneki. “We’re moving you onto the pill forms of your medications.”

“Does that mean the IV gets to come out?” Kaneki asked. He really hated the thing.

“As long as it all goes well.” The nurse handed him a cup of water and waited for him to take the pills. “We’ll be taking it out once you are able to eat.”

“Would I be able to go for another walk today?” Kaneki hated staying in the bed. If he was up, then at least he felt like he was doing something. He could move around somewhat in the room, but it was confining and small.

“Of course.” She nodded. “I brought you some broth this morning. Make sure to wait thirty minutes after you’re finished. I don’t want you getting sick.”

As she pulled the tray over and set the bowl down, two bracelets slid down her wrist and Kaneki did a double take when he got a closer look at them. “Those are…”

“Oh.” She quickly slid them off and slipped them into her pocket. “I forgot to remove them again. Sorry.”

“Nishino Kimi.” Kaneki said to himself. “You’re Nishio’s girlfriend.”

Kimi blinked, tilting her head to the side. “Do you know him?”

“He isn’t part of the division I’m in, but we have worked a few joint jobs together.” Nishio was okay to work with. He was a bit confrontational – or as Touka would say, he was a shitty asshole – but he was a good enforcer and he and Hide got along quite well.

At least now Kaneki knew why Kimi was so comfortable around him – a latent criminal…

“It’s nice to meet you.” Kaneki smiled, feeling even more comfortable around her.

…

 “This sucks.” Hide groaned. “Why did you need me for this job?”

“Because we need you up in control room looking at the cameras.” Amon exhaled, sounding exhausted with Hide’s constant complaining.

“Why couldn’t Touka do it?” Hide threw his hands behind his head.

“You and I both know that if she couldn’t figure how to work something, she would sooner try to get it to work by kicking it than reading any type of instruction.” Amon gave Hide a light push. “Now get going and do your job.”

Hide rolled his eyes. “Yes, sir.”

Tsukiyama stood off to the side, watching the two bicker with some interest. Hide was far more irritable and impatient since Kaneki was in the hospital, and this was the first job their team was given since Kaneki was first admitted there. They were given a few days to recover and regroup, filling out reports and such.

“What are we doing?” Tsukiyama asked Amon. He was yet to be debriefed on the type of job they were going on. Not to mention, he had not been handed a dominator yet. He had only used it once a couple of days earlier, but he still felt naked without it.

“There is someone in this area with a high coefficient. It is our job to find them and bring them in.” Amon recited, striding forward confidently. “Usually the enforcers are the first to spot them, Kaneki says it something about being able to ‘spot your own kind’. So, today you are going to try to find them. Nagachika is in the control room keeping an eye on things just in case, so don’t worry too much.”

Tsukiyama swallowed thickly, glancing around the mall. There were people milling about, conversing, different faces and different voices moving past him every minute. It was unnerving. How was he supposed to find this person? They could look perfectly normal!

“Uh…” Tsukiyama fidgeted uneasily. “Aren’t we going to get our dominators?”

Amon shook his head. “There should be no need for them today. Your first mission was rather unusual. We can usually do things without, but if we do need them, we can have them delivered within a minute. Relax.”

Tsukiyama nodded, trying to look more confident than he felt as he moved through the crowd. They were coming up to a sitting area, a beautiful fountain decorating the center and a skylight above it. There were a few couples sitting on benches, talking and laughing. But, Tsukiyama felt like there was something nasty floating in the air. As he searched the area more thoroughly, he noticed there was a woman crouched behind a plant, eyeing one of the couples with a harsh expression.

“There.” Tsukiyama pointed the lady out. “I doubt she has any good intentions with that expression.”

“Let’s get a move on,” Amon said, and they made their way to her, circling around carefully so she would not see them approaching.

They came up close behind a woman they assumed to be the target. Amon tapped her shoulder lightly and she turned around. “Excuse me ma’am, but would you let me take a reading of your psycho pass?”

She jerked back, surprise darting across her face. When she lifted her head at that proximity, Tsukiyama could see the makeup around her eyes was smudged, as if she had been crying. She nodded and Amon sighed in relief. Amon took her reading and raised his eyebrows when it was over two hundred.

“You seem to have had a hard time. If you could come with us, you can get the therapy you need.” He put his hand on her bicep and she let him guide her along.

Hide joined them as soon as they were out of the building, like he materialized out of thin air.

Tsukiyama regarded him with a smile. He had yet to talk to him about the situation at the hospital. “How is Kaneki doing?”

Hide jolted like he was electrocuted, but quickly relaxed with an easy grin. “Better. He’s starting to get bored at the hospital. There’s a television, but Kaneki finds most shows boring. Not enough conflict apparently.”

“At least he has his books.” Tsukiyama said and Hide immediately froze. “…please tell me you brought him books.”

“Uhhhh…” Hide chuckled sheepishly. “I get so excited to see him I keep forgetting…”

Tsukiyama put a hand on his forehead. “Unbelievable… but I trust you brought him flowers?”

“Was I supposed to bring him flowers?” Hide asked, seeming legitimately confused.

“Yes!” Tsukiyama exasperated. “You are supposed to get flowers! Are you telling me he’s sitting in one of those dull hospital rooms without books _or_ flowers?”

“Uhhh…” Hide did not get the chance to respond.

“Amon!” Tsukiyama cried. “May we please make a stop on the way back?” He turned back to Hide. “What kind of flowers does he like?”

“I… don’t know.”

Tsukiyama sighed. “Of course you don’t. Well, it’s a good thing you have me here. I’ll make a proper arrangement for you to take to him. And books. _Do not forget the books_.”

Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. The man standing before him was a fool. An utter fool.

“We should definitely pick something bright. I wonder if there should be roses? Maybe some geranium? That would go nice with red roses. We should add something white then…” Tsukiyama could see Hide zoning out as he rambled.

“Maybe we should see what the shop has first?” Hide offered tentatively.

“Ah, _oui_. You’re right.” Tsukiyama shook his head, then beckoned Hide to follow him. “Come on, don’t leave Kaneki waiting. Especially in that drab hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 Don't be fooled by this speedy update. The next one will come in about a week since I have neglected the essays I have to write.


	5. Burning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gestures to tags* please heed the new warnings for eating disorders. I write from experience, so I know how triggering it can be for some people. If you've been reading and may be affected by the new warnings, go ahead and scroll to the bottom and leave a comment. I can give a chapter summary of it or maybe create a tumblr where I can post an altered version without that content and give a link or something? 
> 
> I've been thinking of doing a similar thing with the explicit content. (As well as include a warning within the text on the version here before it starts). 
> 
> Let me know what you think.

“How many books do you think he would want?” Tsukiyama asked.

Standing in front of Kaneki’s massive bookshelf, Hide pursed his lips. “At least eight.” He searched the titles, running his fingers along their spines. “We should definitely bring him some of his favourites. I swear sometimes he finishes them and then flips right back to the first page.”

Tsukiyama laughed. “Which are his favourites?”

“Anything by Takatsuki Sen…” Hide pulled a number of books off the shelves. “The collection of Kafka’s short stories… and a few others I can’t remember.” Hide grabbed the books he listed and a number of others that looked especially worn from Kaneki’s diligent rereading.

“Good.” Tsukiyama hummed. “More of my possessions, including my books are coming in tomorrow. Should I see if there is something he hasn’t read before that he might like?”

“That’s a good idea. He loves new material.” Hide smiled. “Thank you, Tsukiyama.”

“It’s not a problem.” Tsukiyama waved him off and Hide turned to exit the room. “Oh. Hide? May I ask you a question?”

Hide paused, setting down the books. He would really have to get a bag for them before he left. “Shoot.”

Tsukiyama shuffled nervously. “I’ve only met Kaneki for a few hours, but do you think it would be alright if I would visit him? It doesn’t feel right not to, considering we will be working together in the future…”

Hide’s brow furrowed as he rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. “I don’t think he would mind. He does like the company and I think you made a good first impression, so…” Hide shrugged. “I’ll double check with him. Then maybe you can deliver your books yourself.”

“Yes, that would be nice.” Tsukiyama bowed. “Thank you.”

Hide continued to stare at him, his worries getting the best of him. “Tsukiyama? May I ask _you_ a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why do you care so much?” He could not help but ask. Hide did not sense any sort of ill intention from Tsukiyama, but still, he could not let his guard down when Kaneki was involved. And even if they were not ill, what kind of intentions did he have? The flowers, the books, the thoughtfulness. Sure, Hide _absolutely_ trusted Kaneki, but he did not trust Tsukiyama at _all_.

Tsukiyama pulled back, as if he was startled. “Oh… I uh…” He brought his hands in front of himself, pressing his fingertips together. “I suppose it was something imparted by my father, to treat future colleagues well… he was a businessman.”

Hide gritted his teeth. “You’re an awful lair.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Hide could tell Tsukiyama was on the defence as he surveyed Hide’s stance. Then, suddenly his eyes widened. “Oh – you think…?” He shook his head, and his voice immediately took on a quieter tone. “I am… already devoted to a different love. I have no room in my heart for another.” Tsukiyama laughed, but his eyes were horribly sad.

Hide sighed, feeling guilty. “I’m sorry I pressed.”

“Not at all!” Tsukiyama held out his hands. “It’s okay. Now. Move along!”

Perhaps Tsukiyama was not a threat, but something about him unnerved Hide, threw him off, like he was missing something. It was not often that Hide missed things like that – he could generally figure out people rather quickly, what made them tick – but when he could not, it left a nagging voice in the back of his head.

He wanted to find out.

As he was ready to leave, he was surprised to see a familiar figure walk into the lounge room, followed by Amon. Hide really should not have been surprised to see her, considering she regularly filled spots on a team if an enforcer was injured and stayed until that person was back into working condition. That was the most common, however, Rize would also fill a temporary spot in the event of a death.

Rize was constantly moving from team to team, and the way she did so flawlessly always creeped Hide out. He would never like to be constantly bounced around like that.

“Nagachika,” Amon greeted. “I actually wanted to speak to you before you left.”

“What is it?” Hide asked.

“The chief made the decision that when Kaneki is discharged, he will come back to live here while he is recovering.” Amon stated.

Hide was smiling so big his cheeks hurt. “Really?”

“Yes.” Amon had a small smile as well. “Oh – Rize, if you could leave us for a moment?”

“Of course.” Her voice was a sultry and sickly smooth as Hide remembered. Bleh.

Amon continued. “Kaneki’s psycho pass is most stable when he is here and we both know how extreme it can fluctuate. He also doesn’t do too well with major transitions, so the chief decided it would be best to keep him in this atmosphere so that his recovery goes smoothly.”

“And also.” Hide pointed to himself. “They get away with having a free caretaker.” Especially considering they had some trouble with Kaneki before he became an enforcer…

Amon sighed. “That may have also been a factor in his decision.”

“No worries!” Hide grinned. “I have it covered.”

Amon’s forehead crinkled with concern. “If you need help, you better let me know.”

“I will.” Hide assured. “Is there something else?”

“Ah, yes.” Amon said. “Since Rize is moving here to assist the team, we’re short a room.”

“And I’m moving in with Kaneki.” Hide almost wanted to laugh. “Wow, the chief really isn’t giving me a choice, is he?”

“I’m sorry.” Amon muttered. “I didn’t want the decision to be forced on you.”

“Amon, I already made the decision to be there for Kaneki throughout his recovery before I even knew I made that decision.” To Hide, it was a simple as breathing. He wanted Kaneki – no, as it was, he _needed_ Kaneki in his life. “Besides, I practically already live in his room anyway. I’ll move the rest of my stuff in tomorrow. And also let Kaneki know what to expect when he gets back.”

…

Tsukiyama was on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He did not have anything particularly interesting to do since his books were gone, and so was Kaneki – the one person he could talk about that interest to. He had already read through the book Kaneki lent him. Twice. Once to quench his need to find out what happened next, and a second time to pick up on foreshadowing and other literary devices. That author was one of his favourites because he always found the second read through much more satisfying.

But he was out of material, and he did not think it was appropriate in any way for him to borrow one of Kaneki’s books without his permission.

His stomach growled and a pang went through it so intense that Tsukiyama had to squeeze his eyes shut as his head spun and he felt the urge to vomit.

He heard the click of his door and sat up in surprise, guessing it was Hide. Did he want to ask him something?

However, who walked through the door was someone only vaguely familiar. She was smiling like she was a bloodsucker about to drain the life out of him.

He shivered, knowing he would never _not_ lock the door again.

“Who are you?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. “Why are you here?”

“My name is Kamishiro Rize.” Her tone and her inflection made Tsukiyama’s heart stutter. Her voice was strong, confident, and most likely entrancing to those unsuspecting. She was venomous, like a coiled viper, ready to strike. She reminded Tsukiyama of some of the people his father introduced to him.

_She was dangerous._

“I’m filling in for Kaneki Ken until he is better. I’m sure it will be a pleasure working with you, Tsukiyama Shuu… I was surprised at first that someone like _you_ would be working as an enforcer, but I suppose they come from all walks at life… though rarely from a path as dark as yours.”

“Would you happen to be another one of those rarities, Miss Kamishiro?”

She laughed heartily. “Oh, aren’t you fun. Let’s enjoy working together, shall we?”

She left, leaving the pit in Tsukiyama’s stomach burning even more so. He glared at the open door she left in her wake, and unsteadily rose to his feet, his vision blurring just a tad. Combing his hair with his fingers and straightening the strands mussed by his pillow, he left the room as well. When he entered the hallway, Rize was nowhere to be seen.

Figured.

Tsukiyama made his way to the kitchen. Touka was standing in the fridge door, appearing to be rummaging through its contents. Tsukiyama checked it earlier, but he found nothing he could stomach eating. He inspected the kitchen the first day he arrived, pleased to find it was properly stocked as far as utensils, cookware and spices went, though the fresh food always left something to be desired. Thankfully, creativity was one of Tsukiyama’s strong suits, so he got by.

Feeling irate and drowsy, Tsukiyama pulled out coffee beans, giving them a timid once-over. Tsukiyama had _watched_ people make coffee before, but he never made it himself. His preferences were with exquisite meals, more common complimented with an expensive wine than anything else.

After a few minutes – a number of them spent looking for instruction to the grinder (there were none) – Tsukiyama managed to put some beans in and grind them successfully. The only problem was… how fine were they supposed to be? He erred on the larger side, deciding it was about as good as he could guess. He put them into the filter above the pot. Then he needed… hot water.

Oh. He forgot to boil some. He wondered if hot tap water would do. He did prefer his coffee warm rather than _hot_ anyway. He turned on the sink, waiting for it to get as hot as it could, then stuck the pot under it, waiting for it to fill.

He heard a choked snort from behind him. Touka held up one finger, placing her plate on the counter and swallowing the food she had in her mouth. As soon as she finished, she turned to him. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Making coffee?” Tsukiyama said sheepishly. He turned back to the coffee only to see it had overflowed. “ _Trying_ to make coffee.” He admitted after a moment.

“Even Kaneki wasn’t that awful when he first tried.” Touka shook her head. “I thought outdoing him at that was impossible, but.” She gestured to Tsukiyama. “Here you are.”

Tsukiyama stared sadly at the pot of coffee and Touka groaned.

“Move.” She muttered, pushing him out of the way. “Count yourself lucky that I want coffee. I was going to ask to have some of yours but I don’t want to drink that shit. So, get your ass over here and watch closely. Maybe you’ll learn something.”

Tsukiyama hovered behind her as she emptied the pot, grimacing. She practically flung the soggy filter at him, telling him to toss it. Some grinds got on his cheek and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. She continued to order him around, getting him to put water in the kettle and start it.

“I’m so sick of always having to be the one to make coffee. Hide can’t do it for shit. I swear, the moment he touches the beans, the rot or something. And Kaneki probably won’t be making any for a few weeks. Also, I don’t trust Rize to not poison it. So, you know what?”

Tsukiyama did not answer and simply waited for her to ramble on.

“Maybe you can learn how to make it and make it _good_. Then maybe, I’ll tolerate you.”  She started the grinder and Tsukiyama watched over her shoulder. After she finished grinding, she held it up so Tsukiyama could see, then poured it into the filter. “See? That part’s not so hard. Why do people _always_ fuck it up?”

Tsukiyama nodded meekly. She was kind of scary.

“Next you pour it. _Evenly_. You don’t just dump it all in one spot.” Tsukiyama could see it was a little more complicated, but she went through the movements smoothly, like she was very familiar with the motion. “And you’re done. Magnificent. Truly. Now get yourself a mug and pour it in there. Maybe add some sugar or milk. Or do you need help with that too?”

Tsukiyama shook his head and did as she said, hissing as he spilt some of the hot liquid on his hand.

He could practically hear Touka roll her eyes.


	6. Sweet Dreams

Kaneki really, _really_ missed his own bed. He curled up under the covers, his legs tangled and his face buried in his pillow that smelled faintly of both his and Hide’s shampoo. Kaneki felt the body next to him shift, and he sighed happily as Hide’s fingers brushed through his hair.

“You’re gonna have to get up at some point.” Kaneki could hear the smile in his voice.

He only pressed his face into the pillow more. “Don’t wanna.” He didn’t even know if the words were intelligible.

“So you’re not wanting supper then?” Hide’s voice sounded further away. “Well, I’ll just have to go myself then. Tsukiyama’s making, and I’ve heard he’s a great cook.”

Having _real_ food was a real treat. Usually he ate simulated food, which tasted good enough, but nothing could compare to the real thing. There was something special about real food.

Kaneki groaned in defeat. “Okay, hang on.” Kaneki pushed the blankets down and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Hide rushed over to help him stand and get ready. Kaneki felt weak, still unable to do simple tasks easily, though every day he did get stronger.

Kaneki smiled as Hide helped him slide his arms into a painfully bright zip-up sweater that definitely did not come from his own drawers.

“Will this be warm enough?” Hide cradled Kaneki’s cheek in his hand as Kaneki zipped up the sweater himself.

“Yes.” Kaneki turned his face into Hide’s warm palm, pressing a light kiss to it. “Thank you.”

Hide hummed and ruffled his hair. “Any time.” As Hide ran his fingers through his hair, a warm feeling grew in Kaneki’s chest. “Man, your hair is _disgusting._ We’re gonna have to wash it after supper. Bleh.”

Even after so many months of being reunited with Hide, after their relationship had fully bloomed, he was still caught off guard by how _good_ it felt to have someone who cared for him. “Yeah.” He took a weak step forward and snuggled his face against Hide’s chest. “I love you.”

Hide chuckled. “I love you too.” He accepted the embrace, running his hands up and down Kaneki’s biceps. “Are you feeling well enough to eat supper in the kitchen? We could take your evening walk and then you could eat it here?”

“No, I’m fine. I would like to eat as normally as possible.”

Hide pulled back to peck Kaneki on the forehead. “Well, we better hurry before it gets cold then!”

The walk was far from hurried. It was not like Kaneki could move to quickly anyway, Hide holding his hands for reassurance and to catch him if he were to fall. By the time he made it a chair at the table, he was out of breath. Tsukiyama already had it set and was placing food on two plates.

“You’re not eating with us?” Hide was tilting his head at Tsukiyama.

“Non, I already ate earlier.” Kaneki was far too out of it to notice the nervousness in his answer.

…

Rize swirled the dark wine in her glass, shifting to cross one leg over the other as she rested on the couch. Usually she was not serving as a replacement long enough that she would have to move in her belongings, but Kaneki’s was a special case. And moving was tiring. She wished she had someone to help her… Tsukiyama, Touka or even Hide. Well, to be perfectly honest she would have liked Kaneki’s company, but given his condition, that was out of the question. The only person who offered to help her was Amon, which she decided to decline. Sure, he was amusing in his own way, but at that time she favoured her solitude. The poor man was getting ready to work himself into the ground anyway. Which meant a new partner, a new face, and a new person who could possibly serve as a nice distraction.

Really, the bureau was giving Amon some cruel treatment. Tedious, repetitive and extensive psycho pass tests after Hide’s report, only for Amon to yield good and consistent results each time. After those results, they dismissed Hide’s report as being inaccurate due to the concussion he sustained. Which was, under the circumstances, the best result Rize could hope for.

What a mess things became…

She felt a presence behind her and turned, catching Touka trying to quietly make her way to the kitchen from the bedrooms.

“Touka,” she called. “Would you like to join me for a drink?”

She saw the girl turn and the trademark Kirishima grimace on her face. “I’m only eighteen. And it’s not like I would want to have one with you anyway.”

“Oh, Touka. Why don’t you have a little fun sometime? Break some rules.”

Rize saw Touka narrow her eyes and turn on her heel. Oh well. She was not the best company anyway. Who would be good company? Hide did not like her at all. Kaneki was always polite, but would not have a drink with her again considering what happened the last time. Kaneki was more of a sad drunk than a happy one and Hide got really angry at her. Tsukiyama? No. He was the type to only drink the finest wine. And while Rize surely appreciated the good stuff, she was fine with the cheaper wine as well.

Maybe Amon then. She wondered if he would actual loosen up with a few drinks. Rize nodded to herself and rose from the couch, going to fetch another wine glass.

...

Hide was the most focused he had been in a while. He was holding his breath, his muscles tense, arms held out in front of himself. He slowly pealed them back, only to watch Kaneki’s foam fauxhawk flop over to the side for the zillionth time. “Damn it!” Kaneki’s responding laughter only made it flop more. “Wait wait wait! Don’t move! I think I can still salvage it.”

“ _Hide.”_ Kaneki shifted on the little plastic stool he was seated on.

“One more time! I swear!” Hide gathered more soap and lathered it into Kaneki’s hair, hearing Kaneki’s exasperated groan turn into a hum when Hide massaged his scalp. Hide was about to spike the hair up again when Kaneki leaned back, resting his head against Hide’s chest.

“How about you kiss me instead?” Kaneki tilted his head up to look at Hide. _And holy shit did he look cute._

“Why would I kiss you? You just ruined all my hard work!” Hide tapped Kaneki’s nose with his finger, causing Kaneki to wrinkle it and leaving behind a fair amount of foam.

“Because you want to.”

Hide laughed and cupped Kaneki’s cheeks, first pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You’re the one who wants to kiss _me._ ”

“So do you not want to kiss me then?” Kaneki tried for a serious expression, but Hide could see right through it, Kaneki’s eye crinkling just a tad with restrained amusement.

Hide grinned, circling his thumbs on Kaneki’s cheeks. “Well, I thought I just did.”

“I want a _real_ kiss.” Kaneki’s lips noticeably quirked.

“If you insist.” Hide leaned down and Kaneki closed his eye in anticipation. But Hide only let his lips brush against Kaneki’s, eliciting a sigh from Kaneki as his eye opened.

“ _Please._ ”

“Okay.” The positioning was awkward and Hide could feel the blood rushing to his head, but he could also feel the smile on Kaneki’s lips as he sighed sweetly. Hide trailed his hands down Kaneki’s neck as they kissed. When he reached Kaneki’s shoulders, he gave them a squeeze and heard Kaneki’s responding moan.

Hide pulled back and hummed. “How about you let me rinse your hair and we do this somewhere more comfortable?”

Ten minutes later they were dressed in their pajamas (Hide in his underwear) and curled up together under the covers. Kaneki was much more relaxed with the bed supporting his weight and taking the strain off his abdomen. Hide was curled against his side, raised on one elbow as he nibbled on Kaneki’s bottom lip and delved his tongue into Kaneki’s mouth. His other hand was tangled in Kaneki’s damp hair firmly. After a few breathless minutes, Hide pulled back and affectionately rubbed his nose against Kaneki’s. Kaneki’s eye remained closed, but fluttered open after Hide gave his right eyelid a light kiss.

“Falling asleep on me already, buddy?”

Kaneki made a small, quiet noise. “I can’t help it. You’re being so nice and warm.” Kaneki nudged Hide hand with his head, closing his eye when Hide ran his hand through it again.

Hide huffed and shifted so he was completely laying on his side, the hand which was previously supporting his body weight switched the other. Hide hated to have it under him when he slept. Usually he slept with it under Kaneki’s head or wrapped around him, but instead he lifted it a bit higher and bent his elbow, allowing his palm to rest on the top of Kaneki’s head so he could continue to play with his hair. It was a little awkward, but it worked. Given Kaneki’s injuries, it could be uncomfortable if Hide wrapped his other arm around Kaneki’s chest, so he simply dropped it down to Kaneki’s side, twining their fingers together. He smiled when he felt Kaneki give it a light squeeze as his breathing slowed and the muscles in his face relaxed.

Hide let his eyes close as well, feeling Kaneki’s warm body beside him and basking in the joy that Kaneki was there with him, that Kaneki was still _alive_. He pushed opposing thoughts from his head, and the harsh questions that came with them. He did not want to cry thinking of ‘what ifs’ when he had Kaneki there beside him. Instead, he decided to focus on Kaneki’s breathing and tried to match it with his own.

It felt like he had only been asleep for a few minutes before there was a knock on the bedroom door, rousing him. As he groggily awoke, he saw Kaneki stir as well, and Hide carefully extracted himself from the bed before the person at the door – probably Amon – would knock again and wake Kaneki.

He was right in his guess, and used to seeing Hide in his undergarments when knocking on his door late at night, Amon chose to say nothing about Hide’s state of undress.

“A job?” Hide mumbled, yawning. Maybe he had been out longer than he thought.

Amon nodded mutely. “Sorry for bothering you right now, but we need your knowledge with technological equipment for this one.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hide waved a hand. “I’ll get ready. When are we set to leave?”

“As soon as you’re done.” Amon gave Hide an apologetic look, but Hide waved him off, trying to hold back another yawn.

“It’s all good. I be out as soon as I can.” Amon nodded and Hide quietly closed the door and made his way through the dark room, pulling on the first items of clothes he could find.

As he was just about to leave, he heard a quiet voice from the bed. “Hide… where…”

Hide walked back to his side. “Hey. Amon just came by. I have a job, but I’ll probably be back early in the morning. Okay?”

Kaneki nodded and lifted his hand, searching. Hide caught it and leaned down to chastely kiss him. “I’ll see you later. Have sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams of you,” Kaneki sighed.

Hide grinned and ruffled Kaneki’s hair one more time before releasing his hand and leaving the room. He was really hoping Tsukiyama was the one he would be going on the mission with. He was a surprisingly good partner. Plus, he would rather Touka was at the bureau with Kaneki just in case. Despite their antics, she was the only person other than Kaneki that he truly trusted. Also, Rize was Rize. And Hide really did not like her in any circumstance. So, when he saw here waiting by the exit with Amon, he grimaced.

He hoped the night would not be as awful as he thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the fluff while you can. >:^D


	7. Shadows of Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So either I update fast or like a month later and there is no in between. I already uploaded a chapter earlier today, so if you haven't read that yet, you should! Some of this content is reused from the original version of the story, so it may seem familiar to some of you.

Kaneki woke up panting, his hair plastered to his forehead. Traces of his dreams – his memories –continued to disturb him and he clutched at his chest, trying to calm his heartbeat before he began hyperventilating. He could taste his blood in his mouth and realized he must have bitten his lip at some point. He pushed the thoughts away as he painfully tried to sit up on his own, failing a number of times before he finally made it to his feet.

He could still hear the rustling sound in his ear, and resisted the overwhelming urge to scratch at it. He didn’t want to go in for another surgery to repair the artificial parts in his ear, which replaced all the damaged pieces, to enable him to hear out of it. _Just like they replaced his insides… and would have to replace his eye, his muscles. When would it end?_

Cringing, he shuffled out of his room and leaned heavily against the wall for support as he stumbled the few steps he needed to reach the room next to his. He knocked rapidly on the door until he heard the sounds of shuffling within, the fingers of his one hand turning white as he tightly grasped at the doorframe. He heard a few locks opening and a very tired looking Touka opened the door wide.

She rubbed her eyes, blinking heavily until they focused. The second she took in the sight of Kaneki, an arm went around him, helping support his weight. She didn’t say anything until she closed the door and guided Kaneki to her bed, helping him lie down. “Do you need me to get you something?”

Kaneki was about to shake his head, but he stopped. “M-music.” He choked out, making him aware of how tight his throat had gotten. His palms came up to cover his ears, fingers curled like claws.

Touka nodded, taking his hands in hers and pressing them to his chest. “Hang tight. I’ll be right back.”

The next thing Kaneki was aware of was the headphones being put on him, and the ipod being handed to him. He pressed play and turned up the sound, not caring what type of song it was. He sighed when it started playing, blocking out the insistent rustling in his head.

Touka drew the blankets over them and tucked him into an embrace, pulling his head under her chin and stroking his hair lightly. He liked it. It was comforting. He nestled into the embrace tighter and squeezed his eye shut. He could hear Touka murmuring things in a soothing voice, but he could not understand what she was saying.

Her other hand massaged his shoulder and he slowly felt himself begin to relax, the persistent tremors running through him stopping as exhausting swept over him, pulling him under.

…

Touka sighed, staring down at the sleeping man. Though, when he was like that, he looked so much younger, his face slack and free from worry, mouth open slightly as he breathed. The music was still playing, but Touka didn’t turn it off, knowing that if she did, Kaneki would probably wake back up. One of his hands was balled into a fist, clutched in the front of her shirt. She carefully rubbed his knuckles, getting him to release her so she get up to turn the lights back off.

When she returned to the bed she wrapped her arms around him again and he unconsciously pressed himself closer to her, relaxing further into his sleep. There were small trickles of tears that made it from his eye earlier and she brushed her thumb across his cheek, removing their remnants.

Kaneki would feel guilty when he woke up. He always did. He spewed apologies like there was no end to them until Touka eventually got tired of it and told him to shut up. She knew how much he needed someone to be there when he woke up from nightmares, or when something triggered his memories. She didn’t mind being the person he ran to when Hide was not there. She cared for him. If she could, she would always be there for him.

She closed her eyes too, deciding it would only make Kaneki feel worse in the morning if she woke up looking like a zombie.

…

Hide was back at the bureau at five a.m. His head hurt, and he was not sure if he was irritable because he was exhausted or because he had to spent the last few hours listening to Rize’s bullshit. Not to mention she had wandered away at some point during the mission, only to return a few minutes later blabbing about a beautiful ruby necklace she spotted while passing a store. Hide was sure Amon put Rize’s wandering down to distractibility and vanity, but Hide was sure she did it for other reasons. Maybe it was just to irritate him. Either way, as long as it did not hurt Hide or his friends, he did not care too much about what she did. Under normal circumstances he would have tried to find out for the sake of curiosity, but he did not want to risk her finding out. Or end up getting blackmailed. Yet at the same time, there was a twisting sensation in Hide’s gut urging him to find out. Perhaps, if the situation presented itself, he would.

He walked back to his and Kaneki’s shared room, blinking his eyes slowly. Once again, he tried to be as silent as possible, not turning the light on and carefully stripping down and actually folding his clothes rather than throwing them on a nearby dresser or chair. It was only when he slid back into bed that he realized Kaneki was no longer there.

“ _Shit._ ” He shot up, suddenly no longer feeling tired. He rushed out of bed, almost tripping and falling as he hurriedly tried to put his pants back on, not bothering with his shirt when he was successful.

He immediately headed to Touka’s room, quickly but quietly rapping on her door and shifting from foot to foot his thoughts ran wild. What if he was not there? Then where would he be? Where would he look next?

The next second the door opened and he was half expecting (and fearing) to be pinned down by Touka’s glare. But instead, her face softened from a tired grimace when she saw Hide.

“Jeez.” She rubbed her face roughly, then glanced at the bed behind her. “What the hell am I going to do with you two?”

Hide relaxed when he saw the bundled up figure on Touka’s bed. “A nightmare?”

Kaneki had them often. It was not uncommon for Hide to wake up to Kaneki’s thrashing or his pained gasps… or numbers counted by sevens down from one thousand. Hide always woke Kaneki up, holding him and helping the best he could, dreading to see him in any sort of pain. When Hide had to go on a night job, there was always the fear that Kaneki would awake while he was away. But thankfully, if Hide was not there, Touka was, and Kaneki always had someone he could trust to go to. Though it hurt Hide to think of Kaneki having to make his way to Touka’s room by himself in the state he was in.

“Yes,” Touka answered. “He’s been sleeping soundly since then, so that’s good.”

“Thank you,” Hide breathed, immensely grateful to have her as a friend, and a friend to Kaneki as well. “Thank you.”

In the couple of months Kaneki spent at the bureau before Hide could finally join him, Kaneki made friends with Touka. Hide was a little surprised at first. Kaneki was the type to avoid conversing with hotheaded individuals, yet he got along with Touka really well, though it was not for a while until Kaneki explained what had happened to him – until he was _able_ to actually say the words aloud. Hide was more thankful to Touka than he previously thought he could be, and he finally understood the connection they had. Even though she was younger, Touka was a like a big sister to Kaneki. She cared for Kaneki and helped him pick himself back up in the face of despair. She knew of Kaneki’s nightmares and how to help him through the aftermath long before Hide did. She was an important person in Kaneki life, and thus, she became an important person to Hide as well.

“Now.” Touka jammed her finger into Hide’s forehead. “Go back to your room before you pass out on my doorstep.”

…

Kaneki woke up just a few moments before Touka’s alarm went off. She was snoring loudly, her leg thrown over one of his own and she was flipped over on her stomach with an arm hanging off the bed along with half of her head.

Kaneki groaned, rubbing his eyes. The headphones had come off his head at some point during the night. They had fallen on the carpet along with the now dead ipod. He stared down at them silently, wishing he could pick them up. But, they were out of his reach, and Touka being a light sleeper, would probably awake from any movement he made.

He winced at the piercing beeping that filled the room, and Touka grumbled as she rolled over to turn off her alarm. She sat up and stared at the wall for a good minute and Kaneki almost thought she had fallen asleep again.

“Want a washcloth or anything?” Touka pushed to her feet, her voice thick with sleep.

Kaneki started, then thought for a moment. “Yeah, maybe some mouthwash too until I have access to my toothbrush?” Hide was probably out late and would sleep into the afternoon. “Hide is back already, right?” It would be unlikely for him not to be.

“Yeah, he got here at about five. Made sure you were safe. Then went to bed.” He heard some clattering from the bathroom. “Do you want some coffee too? I have a machine that makes a cup at a time. Not as good as the stuff we brew, but it’s good enough to drink while getting ready. I’ve got an extra mug too.”

“That would be great.”

A few minutes later, Touka came back with a warm washcloth and a hot cup of coffee. Kaneki gladly took both, setting the coffee on the bedside table. He rubbed at the tear tracks on his cheeks, feeling much better after they were gone. Next he drank his coffee and mutely let Touka comb and struggle to straighten his hair when she came over with a brush.

“I swear. The only person who has worse bedhead than you is Hide.”

“You haven’t even seen the worst of it.” Kaneki smiled behind his mug.

“I haven’t seen the worst of it?” Touka stopped brushing his hair. “What about that time he wandered out of your room in those obnoxiously pink underwear of his because he was sleep walking? I found him in the kitchen trying to make a sandwich out of spoons and forks.”

That got a laugh out of Kaneki. “I’ve never heard that story.”

“What? He has more of them? I can’t even say I’m surprised.” Touka scooted off the bed. “That’s about as good as your hair is going to get and Hide’s probably gonna mess it up anyway.”

“Probably,” Kaneki agreed, drinking down the rest of his coffee. Touka took the mug from him, then came back to help him stand and make his way to the bathroom.

Touka looked away, gathering a few supplies to get ready herself as Kaneki examined himself in the mirror. He looked worse than he thought he would. But then again, he always did. Scrubbing with the washcloth had thankfully added a little red to his face, but that did not do anything to help with his eyes… well… eye. He was grateful he could not see the other one under the medical patch because he was sure it was much worse.

There was nothing he could do about it. As Touka turned, he caught her eye in the mirror and put on the best smile he could offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also it is late and I am tired and suck at proofreading. I don't have a beta either so if you see anything weird, even simple spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes throughout the story while reading, it would be really, really cool if you could mention it. I hate reading something a month later and catching a mistake I didn't before. RIP


	8. Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uploaded a couple days ago (a double update!), so if you only read one of the chapters I posted that day, you may want to catch up!

Kaneki was going in for his second surgery in the afternoon. Amon knew he was apprehensive the day earlier, so it was no wonder he was fast asleep with his head in Hide’s lap on the couch when Amon arrived to the bureau that morning. The television was playing quietly in the background, holding Hide’s attention. There was a blanket draped over Kaneki, which Amon guessed was thanks to Touka. More often than not, when Kaneki was up all night, he would crash sometime in the morning, usually on Hide’s lap or Touka’s shoulders. There were still a few hours before Amon would drive Kaneki to the hospital, so he let him sleep. He surely needed it.

Between the stress of his condition and the nightmares – which Amon suspected were worse due to the former – Amon was happy to see him resting peacefully. He knew it was a struggle for him, and it was possible it would always be. He knew Kaneki would never again live a normal life when they first found him, bloodied and beaten, arms bound behind him and eyes which seemed far deader than anything else.

He recalled that night, and he remembered the dried streaks of tears that cut through the blood on his cheeks, and how when they carried him out, not a single other one fell. That is until Touka sat beside him as they waited for the ambulance, gently pulling his head into her lap to give him some form of support and petted his hair lightly while whispering words Amon couldn’t hear. Kaneki seemed very reluctant to let her go when the ambulance finally arrived. He also remembered how her face was also streaked with tears by the time they were back at headquarters, murmured about how awful the world was.

Indeed, out of all the crime scenes he had walked into, that was probably the worst. He had trouble filling out his reports, and by the time Kaneki’s medical report reached him, he was reaching for the garbage can before he emptied his stomach on the floor.

He was surprised, when a week later, a new enforcer was announced to be joining them, and Kaneki walked in. He was still healing from his surgeries, bandages covering his body, but a determined look on his face and a fire in his eyes that Amon had never seen before. They showed him around the facility, and Amon made sure to give him the type of training he could handle – that is non-physical – to make sure he would be prepared for a grueling regiment for when he healed. Amon was worried, but Kaneki exceeded all of his expectations, seeming to take the knowledge he had read and apply it tentatively at first, but effectively.

He proved to be a valuable asset, with both his physical capabilities and his unwavering loyalty. Though his quiet nature had him concerned, it appeared he opened up to Touka first. Their friendship blossomed and eventually he seemed to accept the others in the group. Amon was glad, happy to see the rare smiles that made their way to Kaneki face, but he was always worried, especially on the days the circles under his eyes were particularly dark and when he would seem to withdraw back into himself just a bit, his eyes having a haunting resemblance to the ones he had when they first found him.

He saw those eyes many times throughout Kaneki’s recent recovery, and he was sure the whole situation was bringing painful memories to the forefront.

Hide caught Amon’s eye and nodded to him in greeting.

When Hide was first added to their team, Amon was _extremely_ surprised, questioning the chief’s decision. It was not common for two enforcers to know each other before their imprisonment, and Amon was not sure if it was such a good idea to have them together. Kaneki was a good enforcer, but Amon was not sure about Hide, or the affect he would have on Kaneki. And he _did_ have an effect on Kaneki, however, it was a rather positive one, from what Amon had seen. Kaneki’s coefficient may not have dropped, but he was much calmer, more relaxed, _and happier_ when Hide was around. He also got along well with their team, and with Amon as well. Hide shone so bright Amon could hardly believe he was an enforcer, and was more than shocked when he saw how high Hide’s coefficient was. The world was full of mysteries.

Thankfully, the day was rather quiet, and it was mostly spent catching up on paperwork and relaxing in the living room. Kaneki woke up some time past two and he and Hide disappeared soon after for Kaneki to prepare for going to the hospital for four. He supposed that them preparing was more obnoxiously affectionate cuddles than getting a set of extra clothes and anything else Kaneki would need.

As soon as they were done and Kaneki was ready to leave, Hide handed him off to Amon who offered his arm for Kaneki to grab onto for support. By the time they reached the vehicle, Kaneki’s hand was shaking. After Amon settled Kaneki into the passenger side and helped him buckle his seat belt, he gave his shoulder a squeeze. “If all goes well, you should be ready to be discharged tomorrow.”

Kaneki nodded, but his mood still did not improve. Amon wanted to stay with Kaneki until he was put under for the surgery, but the bureau required him to head back immediately to meet his new partner and subsequently introduce him to the team of enforcers. Amon did not know much about him, except that he was an investigator who showed signs of having a high aptitude for the job when he was young, and went through a program to train elite investigators. Amon hoped he was as good as the chief made him sound.

Amon’s phone rang just as he was about to leave, and seeing the number, he quickly picked up. “Chief?” Then he heard words he thought he would never hear.

…

“You’re moping.” Touka pushed a fresh cup of coffee in his hands, ruffling his hair roughly.

Hide sighed. “And are you asking to sit here and mope with me?”

“Ha.” Touka sat right next to him even though there was plenty of room on the couch anyway.

“I’m worried,” Hide admitted. “It’s an experimental surgery. What if –“

“It will be fine. We just have to believe that.” Touka muttered.

Amon burst through the door, eyes wide and Hide jumped to his feet. “What is it? What happened? Is Kaneki –“

“Kaneki is okay.” Amon hurriedly spoke. “He’s in capable hands. We have a mission. Gather everyone here. Division One will be joining us shortly.  

 “A job?” Touka inquired.

“The Chief put us back on case 1327. Akira was spotted.”

Hide was shocked. They were _just_ taken of the case. Why would the chief decide to suddenly put them back on it? And Akira was _spotted_? Hide and Touka exchanged worried looks.

“ _Fuck._ ” Touka glanced at Amon. “When will they be here?”

“Any time now…” Amon turned back towards the door as he heard faint footsteps.

The door burst open and a small figure skipped in. “Hello!” The man called in a sing-song voice. He was followed by an older investigator, who was even larger than Amon was.

Their names were Suzuya and Shinohara. Suzuya was a cheery, black-haired investigator, and his partner, Shinohara, was an older investigator who seemed to constantly have a fond smile on. Hide had only worked a few jobs with them before, but he knew them well enough to feel comfortable working beside them.

Shinohara turned his smile to Hide and nodded in greeting before passing by to speak to Amon about the job. Hide was sure they would have a group debriefing on the way to their location.  

Suzuya was as lively as usual, rocking back and forth on his heels while he glanced around, probably searching for Kaneki. Kaneki usually had some candy for Suzuya if his team joined them for a mission or simply came over with Shinohara to discuss something with Amon. He looked rather disappointed when he did not spot Kaneki and frowned.

“Hey.” Suzuya’s wide eyes immediately focused on him. “Kaneki’s back in the hospital for a bit. There’s some chocolate and candy in the top left cupboard if you want it.”

Suzuya tilted his head. “Did something go wrong?”

“No, no. He’s having the implantation surgeries. He should be back tomorrow.”

“I’ll visit him tomorrow then!” Suzuya smiled, seeming pleased by Hide’s answer, and bounced towards the kitchen.

Though Suzuya’s personality was playful, he could also be terrifyingly acute, his sharp eyes missing nothing. He performed magnificently in the field.  

The four others arrived shortly afterwards. Hide was greeted with the familiar faces of Irimi, Koma, Nishio and Yoshimura. Hide stood back to watch Touka walk over to join Irimi, Koma and Nishio as they gathered in kitchen. Her expression did not betray it, but Hide knew she was happy to see them. Yoshimura stood by the door, watching everyone bustle about and converse as if he were watching over children.

Hide stayed on the couch, not feeling up to joining them. Thankfully, Suzuya returned quickly, silently sitting next to Hide while he munched on whatever he found in the cupboard. Hide enjoyed his company.

Time passed and Hide could tell everyone was getting antsy. The pleasant exchanges had quieted, and everyone had been waiting long enough that the coffee Touka made was almost empty. Amon was tapping his foot impatiently. Hide could tell Amon was getting annoyed. Who were they waiting for?

Hide’s question was answered as the door opened and a man walked in. He was young, around the same age – and if not, a little older – than Hide and Kaneki. He was rather tall and elegant, well dressed too. He was beautiful – that was no doubt. However… he made Hide uneasy. He was not sure why. There was nothing hinting of ill intent in his face, posture or movements. His smile was relaxing and easy, his face honest.

“Hello,” he greeted pleasantly. “I’m Furuta Nimura.”

“You’re late.” It was rare that Amon got angry, but Hide could hear the deep undertone in his voice, which was strained with careful, measured control. “We’re wasting valuable time.”

“My apologies.” Furuta said, still pleasant. “I arrived as soon as I could, I assure you.”

Amon huffed. “Very well. Let’s get a move on. You’ll be debriefed with everyone along the way.”

Hide watched the exchange with fascination. Something about Furuta irritated and unsettled him to no end, but he just could _not_ put his finger on it. As they left for the vans, Hide kept his eyes on Furuta’s back the whole time. Perhaps he was just imagining it…


	9. Loose Ends

After exiting the van, they gathered in a small construction zone. It was empty, save for them, since all machinery and people were ordered to leave the area vacant. They had sent out the order just prior to the morning shift ending – only minutes after a drone spotted Akira – keeping any evidence from being contaminated by accident. They watched the video the drone recorded on their way to the location. It briefly showed a disheveled and bloody Akira pushing a door open and stumbling out before a figure pulled her back. The only thing they could catalogue about the aggressor was height and size, as they were covered in a thick, black cloak.

It was mid evening, and the sun was no longer high in the sky, but still gave an easy light to work in. But, they would have to work quickly and efficiently. Even though it was a couple hours away, sunset would come rapidly. They didn’t want to have to continue scanning the area into the night. If they didn’t find anything…

They would have to find something. Anything. Any sort of trace. Anything they could use to find Akira. There was no other choice. They would probably never get another opportunity like this.

Hide sighed as he picked up his dominator and joined his assigned group. He was with Touka and Amon. Furuta went with Tsukiyama and Rize. Division One split into two groups as well. Suzuya was with Yoshimura and Nishio, while Shinohara was with Irimi and Koma.

Shinohara spoke. “Suzuya and his team will go east. Amon and his team head south. Furuta and his team head north. My team and I will go west. Search for anything you can. If you find anything, call for assistance immediately.” Shinohara nodded to everyone, then left with Irimi and Koma, disappearing into a tall building.

…

Rize trailed behind the two men, slowly stopping. They carried on, seeming to not notice. They were too focused on examining the area in front of them to pay attention to what was going on behind.

She didn’t really care for them too much. Though Tsukiyama was especially interesting, he was also _extremely_ annoying, practically stealing any chance she had to be the one Kaneki shared his books with. Having someone to talk to about books was actually one of the few _actual_ pleasures she had in life, which, when she thought about it, sounding kind of sad.

And she did not even know Furuta.

It wasn’t like she had some inkling for anyone’s friendship at the Bureau. Nothing like that at all, though… under better circumstances would that have happened? Would she have been friends with them? No, they were simply people who were interesting to talk to. They were better than nothing, and gave her dull life as an enforcer some sustenance. It was a pity she had to do what she did.

But, the end game was worth it. And she had spent too much time running around like a damn mule to give it all up. Especially with the Bureau catching onto her tail, she couldn’t slow down. Not then, and certainly not now.

She would be free from the Bureau’s influence soon. She would escape and live her own damn life the way she wanted.

She just had to do this last job. Then, she was out.

She stepped into a dark building. A place they had already searched, and she waited.

Soon, a short figure came into view and Rize smiled. “My, my. Ayato. If it isn’t you. It’s been a while, and look at how much you’ve grown!”

She skipped forward with a smirk to ruffle the teen’s unruly hair, but had her hand smacked away.

She pouted. “Awe. But, it seems your manners haven’t improved at all. You’re even worse than your sister.” She smiled, scolding him simply because she knew he hated it. “You should have more respect for adults, you know!” It was always amusing to see how quickly he would get riled up.

All she got was glare. “Do you have it or not?”

“So impatient.” She sighed and handing the envelope over. “Why are you here, and not Tatara? What’s going on?”

“Piss off you hag. That’s none of your concern.” He read through the envelope’s contents slowly, before tucking them into his jacket pocket. “We’re done here.”

“Hmm… do you think your sister would approve of you doing all these dangerous things, Ayato?”

He turned on his heel and began to walk away, and Rize ignored the sudden urge to yank him back by his scarf. Instead, she called out to him. “Maybe you should pay her a visit. Your sister is here, you know.”

His shoulders stiffed momentarily, but he didn’t reply as he continued walking away.

She turned to leave as well, but found her path was blocked by a single person.

“Ah… I should have known.” She pulled out her dominator and pointed it at the dark figure with a wry smile.

Even if she had no hope, she was still going to fight.

…

They were in one of the many buildings under construction. The walls were bare and didn’t have the electrical circuits installed in. Amon had set off in hope of finding a way to turn the worker’s lights on. While he did that, Hide and Touka were searching what they could with their flashlights.

Hide crouched at a brown stain on the floor, frowning when he shined his light on it. Just a rust stain on one of the metal sheets. Hopefully they weren’t actually using it for the building process…

He heard the sound of footsteps too light to be Amon’s, and he jerked around in his kneeling position, drawing his dominator and pointing it behind him. Tsukiyama was standing there with his hands raised innocently with a small smile and Hide lowered his gun.

“A little on edge there, Hide?” He asked.

Hide snorted. “You’re one to talk? Two hundred, sixty three. Rather high for you. Isn’t it?”

“Merde. Is it really so high, mon ami?” Tsukiyama frowned, seeming concerned. Even more so when Hide turned to hide his small smile. “Mon ami?”

Sometimes it was too fun to tease him.

Heavier footsteps followed and soon Amon appeared. “Tsukiyama? Where’s Rize?”

Tsukiyama spun, seeming genuinely surprised to not find her behind him. “My apologies, I guess she wandered off” He said, his brow furrowed.

Amon sighed. “If she keeps this up…” He was going to have to put in a formal request to have her removed. Rize was a skilled enforcer. In the time Hide had known her, he knew that was true. But, she rarely put her skills to work. Instead she ran off on her own.

She was more concerned for herself than anyone else. She was the type to watch you as you were slaughtered and do nothing (if anything, help). Or, leave you half-dead on the floor of an abandoned building. She just wasn’t cut out for team work.

Amon pulled up a hologram showing her tracker. “She isn’t making any movements.”

“Do you wish for me to go retrieve her?” Tsukiyama groaned.

“If you could. I’ll contact Furuta while I wait for you two to get back.” Amon moved on, showing Tsukiyama the map and where to find Rize.

“Oui. It should only take a few minutes. Well, I’ll be seeing you soon.” He sent a nod and smile in their direction before leaving.

…

The dark figure retreated into the shadows, leaving Tsukiyama feeling frazzled and confused, but determined, the threat they made lurking in the back of his head. He would have chosen to do it anyway…

_”You’ll find Rize just down the alley.” Rize’s pale, arm with slender manicured fingers laid by Tsukiyama’s feet, between the two. There was a small pool of blood and Tsukiyama knew it had not been cut off there, but rather brought to the location. The tracker in Rize’s arm – her amputated arm – was what led him there. He averted his eyes. If he looked too closely he would gag. “When you find her, we want you to act naturally, as if we had never spoken. If you do speak…”_

_Tsukiyama gulped as a throwing knife was pointed at him. “I will say nothing of this meeting.”_

_“Good. Run along now. Wait patiently and we will get in touch later”_

...Tsukiyama pivoted on his heel. He needed to get to Rize quickly or she would surely bled out. _Right_? He would have to call everyone, tell them about finding the arm and the state Rize could be in… but that person wanted Tsukiyama to wait until he found her. Why was that? He shook his head, placing a finger over the talk button to the device hooked over his ear and prepared to talk into the speaker. He rounded the corner and –

Bile found its way up Tsukiyama’s throat before he even realized what he was seeing. He collapsed, panting and staring down at his soiled knees, eyes wide and far too horrified to look up. He did anyway, and gagged once more.

“…we have a problem…” Tsukiyama tried to speak as calmly as he could, but he just _could not_. His voice, no, his _whole body_ was shaking violently.

After a few moments, it was Shinohara, not Amon, who spoke. “What’s wrong?”

“I – It’s… mon dieu…” He fell silent, unable to talk as he stared into Rize’s eyes. _The dark, gaping holes where Rize’s eyes once were._

“All right. Stay right there. I’m heading to your location now. Hold tight. As soon as I get into contact with Amon or Furuta I’ll get one of them to come as well.”

Tsukiyama drew in a shuddery breath. “Why?” He shook his head. “Why did they do this to you?” Rize was strung up, her torso held by varying metal cords. Her other limbs were hanging there as well. Her head was there, her cheeks gouged out, a ghoulish smile carved into her face, her eyes – _her eyes. Such black and empty eyes._

Tsukiyama stumbled out of the alley, gasping for breath and holding onto the wall for support. He heard footsteps and Shinohara ran up to him, immediately supporting his weight. “I’ve gotten no response from Amon’s team.” Shinohara said gravely, looking Tsukiyama up and down. “Are you okay?”

“I –“ He was startled as his voice was cut off by a sob and he was gently guided to sit on the curb.

…

Hide heard a shout from Amon’s direction, and before he could even react, Touka was on the move, running with her dominator drawn. Hide called after her, but all he got in response was the sound of her pounding footsteps. He cursed as he drew his own, his shaking hands making him almost drop the gun to the ground.

He heard a cry and it made him pull up short just as he was about to start running. “Touka?!”

Silence.

He crept forward, peering around every corner, but moving as quickly as he could, hoping he could get a shot in.

Who was he kidding? If Touka and Amon weren’t able to do anything, why the hell would he think he was able to? No matter how much training Kaneki had given him, he just wasn’t at their level. He would probably never be. He was a thinker, not a fighter!

He clenched his teeth, glancing around nervously as he prepared to call everyone else. Instead, another voice came through.

It was Shinohara, requesting for assistance. He listened, really wishing he knew a way to mute the call, and waited for the line to clear up, as he heard the location that was listed off.

It was at that moment, right when he was opening his mouth to respond, that a hand tightly wrapped around his throat. He choked, but no sound came out, and he realized with horror that his feet were no longer touching the ground as he was slammed against a nearby wall. He clawed at the arm holding him up, but the person seemed to pay no mind even when his nails gouged thick lines that quickly filled with blood.

He could hear someone calling his name, but he had no way to respond. He had no way to call for help.

Even if he could, there was no way they could get there in time to save him. Touka and Amon were already knocked out – or worse.

And it seemed he was going to suffer the same fate.

His vision was fading, dark spots swarming his vision as his arms limply fell to his sides. His eyes were slowly closing and he was doing his best to keep them open, but he couldn’t. He could hardly feel the pain in his throat anymore.

He was going to die.

Please, wouldn’t someone help him?

He didn’t want to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))))))


	10. An Old Face

Touka didn’t even think when she heard Amon shout, she just took off. She heard her name yelled from behind her, but she didn’t stop.

_Shit, shit, shit._

They should not have split up in the first place. What if Amon was hurt? What if he was _dead_?

She rocketed towards where she heard the shout, and gasped quietly when she saw his body lying on the ground next to a small, incomplete structure. A fountain? “Amon…” As she approached him she could see a small amount of blood by his head, and the slow movement of his shoulders as he breathed. “Still alive.”

Her heart was pounding loud in her ears as she continued towards Amon cautiously. From there, she could see that it was no accident. There was a small smudge of blood on the wall where Amon had hit it. There were no obstructions or anything that would have caused him to trip and injure himself like that.

Someone had done this to him. _There was someone here._

If they had hurt Amon, and they were not there…

“Hid –“ Her cry was cut off by a sudden blow to her side, causing her to gasp out in pain. She just had time to see a dark figure as a hand grabbed a hold of her hair, yanking her painfully towards the fountain.

She struggled, trying to call out to Hide. If she could have yelled what would she have said? _Help_ or _run_? What would Hide have done? The fool may have run to help her rather than calling for it. Then they both would have been fucked.

But, it didn’t matter, because slender fingers covered her mouth. “You’re _too noisy._ ”

She could hear laughing. Horrible twisting laughing, as her head was thrust towards the fountain and into the rainwater that had gathered there.

She held her breath as her face was submerged, her struggling only causing her more pain as her hair tore from her scalp. She fought as much as she could, fingers curled into claws as she scratched at her attacker. She mostly only managed to scratch at some type of fabric, but occasionally she would catch skin, her nails scratching into the tissue as blood ran in rivets down her wrists, but her attacker didn’t stop holding her down.

It was too much. She couldn’t breathe. She could only hold out for so long, and after only a while, she involuntarily inhaled, taking water into her mouth and down her throat as her airway closed off. She was choking, she was sputtering, but it was only making her take more water in. Her hands were weak, she could no longer curl her fingers into claws, and she feebly smacked at her attacker.

They fell to her sides. She could no longer hold them up. It was getting dark…

The next thing she knew, she was laying on the ground by the fountain, spitting water and sucking down sweet, sweet air. She breathed greedily, air, oxygen being her only thought. It was only after that her eyes snapped open. It was barely a glance, but Touka swore she saw someone who was too small to be her attacker retreat from the scene. Touka wobbly pushed herself to her feet. Her attacker went after Amon and her, they would go after Hide next.

She gave the area a quick search, snarling under her breath as she realized her dominator was missing. Her attacker must have taken it… a smart move on his part. Still, that did not leave her defenceless.

She ran, heading to where she saw Hide last.

…

Tsukiyama held his head in his hands and stared down at the curb. He could hear Shinohara in the distance, probably explaining to everyone what happened. Furuta was off to the side passively. Tsukiyama wondered if he felt the blame for what happened. It was not fair, it was just his first day and one of his subordinates under his watch was torn apart.

He startled as he felt something drape over his shoulders and looked up to see Shinohara smiling kindly at him. “Suzuya and his team are going to see what has happened to Amon’s team. They will get to the rest of your division soon.” Tsukiyama pulled the jacket Shinohara put over him closer around himself, his stomach twisting.

Was killing Rize a message to him? Would they kill him if he messed up? Or would they take someone he was close too…?

Tsukiyama shuddered and Shinohara patted his shoulder. “They’ll be okay.” Really? Or was Shinohara trying to convince himself rather than Tsukiyama? Would they really be okay?

Furuta had his eyes averted from Tsukiyama the whole time, mechanically doing any tasks Shinohara requested of him. Did he feel guilty for losing Rize, and her subsequent death?

Did Tsukiyama feel guilty? After all… it was because of him that she was dead, was it not? She was killed as an example for Tsukiyama… and no matter how he looked at it…

He felt the urge to vomit again.

…

The next, and only thing Hide heard was Touka’s voice. “Eat shit.” The person’s head jerked sideways as Touka just grazed their head with a kick.

Hide was dropped and he coughed heavily, wheezing for the air he desperately needed. The air burned as it went down his throat, but it was the best feeling he could imagine. Before he could completely catch his breath, Touka had him by the arm and was dragging him away. He was stumbling, but running the best he could as he tried to keep up with her pace.

She pulled them into a building, hiding in the shadows. “Shit.”

Hide groaned, the sound hurting his throat. He gingerly touched it as he spoke. “What the fuck is going on? Who the hell is that?”

“I don’t know.” Touka answered. “Fuck. We need to come up with a plan.” She slid down the wall, taking a seat and Hide followed suit.

“Run?” Hide suggested breathlessly.

Touka shook her head. “Amon’s unconscious lying on the ground just south of here. We need to get him first.”

“Oh yeah? And how do you suggest we do that?” Hide whispered, glaring.

“We could sneak –“

“And hope we don’t get caught? We need back up.” He insisted.

Touka frowned. “Why didn’t think of that… Shit. I feel…”

“A little disoriented?” Hide supplied, taking a closer look at her. Her hair was wet and drenching the top of her shirt. Her eyes were bloodshot and the way she held herself… just wasn’t right. She looked off balance. What the hell had happened to her?

Hide tapped his earpiece, frowning. There was a small cord dangling down to his jaw. _Damn it._ It must have busted when he fell earlier. “Mine’s broken. Try yours.”

“Yeah.” She touched her ear. “Let me – shit. Where is my…” A dismayed expression crossed her face. “Lost in the water. Probably too damaged to use anyway.” That would explain the hair, and Hide could guess that she was attacked, as well as how.

Hide resisted the urge to bash his head against the wall. They had no way to contact everyone… and they did not even know they were in trouble… wait.

“Before I was attacked, Shinohara was speaking on the radio. There seemed to a problem. He asked for me to check in, but I didn’t get the chance. I think I remember him calling my name.”

Touka sighed. “Good, so they should at least be on their way. Maybe if we wait long enough…”

“ _I’m getting bored. Hey… are you there? If you don’t come to play, I’ll have fun with your friend instead…”_

Hide and Touka shared a horrified look.

“O-okay. So… that plan is out…” Hide muttered weakly as Touka chewed on her bottom lip.

“ _I wonder how pretty he would look with his intestines around his throat…”_ The voice called in that same chilling, playful tone.

“You don’t have your dominator.” Touka stated.

“No.” Hide had dropped it when the person had first picked him up.

“We’re going to need it. Come on.” Despite what she said, Touka let Hide lead the way.

They ducked around corners and stuck to the shadows, careful to not get too close to the person’s hysteric laughing. They seemed to be talking less and less and it put Hide on edge. However, Touka and Hide finally made it to where he was attacked.

“There it is.” They were crouched in a dark alley, viewing Hide’s dominator with caution. “Well?”

“As if.” Hide muttered. “Don’t you think it’s suspicious that it’s just sitting there?” He shifted on his feet, scowling at his surroundings.

“So?”

“ _So?_ ” Hide hissed. “They’ve been quiet for a while. I can’t help but feel like they’re waiting for something.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at the dominator.

“They are _nowhere in sight._ ” Touka growled. “If one of us could just grab it and get _one shot_ off, we could be safe.”

“Oh yeah, because we did such a good job of that in the first place.”

“Except we _know_ they are here now.” Touka grunted, her expression becoming even harsher than before. “Never mind. If you’re too scared to do it, I will. We need to get this over with before they take it out on Amon.”

“Just _wait._ ” Hide grabbed her arm as she began to stand, earning a look he would have been absolutely terrified of under in a different circumstance. “I think they were using Amon as a tactic to bring us out here.”

“That doesn’t mean he is _safe_ , Hide.” Touka shook him off only to have him grab her wrist even firmer.

“I never said he was safe, Touka. He is far from it. _But, we need to come up with a better plan_.” Hide declared, practically begging.

“I don’t have time for a better plan. That dominator is our only hope, and I’m going for it.” She tore away from him one more time, breaking into a sprint towards the fallen gun.

Hide chased after her desperately. The gun was a trap. He knew it.

She was out in the open. She was almost there. Just a few more feet and she would have her hands on the key to their victory.

As they ran, Hide could see a cloaked figure at the opening of one of the alleys, and a blue glow of light.

Touka was beginning to reach forward for it when Hide collided with her, hitting her in the side and they went flying.

A split second later, a shot echoed throughout the area. A shot from a dominator. But… that was impossible. Only investigators and enforcers were authorized to use dominators.

She and Hide hit the ground hard, rolling over a few times from the force of Hide’s tackle. Hide could feel pain as some of his skin was lost to the cement.

The man laughed again, pointing the dominator at both of them, but did not pull the trigger. Hide could see the twisted grin which was previously hidden under his dark hood, as well as white hair which appeared to be shocking similar in colour and texture to Kaneki’s. Hide hurriedly helped Touka up, slowly backing them towards an alleyway as the man clicked his tongue. Hide noted he was about five and a half feet, much shorter than he would have originally guessed. He also noted how damn tired he looked. No, tired wasn’t the right word. This man looked like he had gone to hell and back. Countless months of stress was evident in his face, which was curled up into that gut-twisting smirk.

He could feel Touka trembling behind him, and after a few seconds, she spoke, her strong voice wavering. “Sei…dou…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know who read the original story, but I made some changes to some plot which affected Seidou's original background, so that's why there are some changes made (if you noticed them).
> 
> P.S. I'm working on some other stuff so the next update will be up in about a week or so.


	11. Recovery

“Seidou?” Touka whispered.

“ _Bingo!_ ” His grin stretched wider, showing more of his teeth. He was inching closer, pointing the dominator at them. “ _Huh? What’s with that look Touka? Are you afraid of your good old superior?”_ Seidou clucked his tongue and tilted his head. _“Or are you afraid of ending up like Rize?_ ” Noticing her stiffen, he continued. _“It was so much fun playing with her. Her blood was a really nice colour… and I’ll have fun playing with you too._ ” He tucked his dominator into his pants. _“I like doing things by hand better anyway._ ”

“Get the dominator.” Touka lunged from behind him, meeting Seidou’s kick with her own.

At that, Hide followed Touka’s instructions and lunged for the dominator, taking a hold of it in one hand and turning to shoot…

_Shit._ He couldn’t get a shot in.

He should have known with Touka’s condition that she was no match. In mere seconds Seidou had managed to wrap her in choke hold, his right arm reaching for something in his robe.

The dominator? _No_. Hide saw light glint of the metal of a sharp blade. A knife. He raised it up –

Hide tackled him like he had done to Touka before. As they were falling, he felt the knife scrape across his side, but at least he knew where it was.

He was about to pin the arm down when someone beat him to it. Touka was standing above them, breathing hard as she held his arm down with her foot.

Hide made the decision then, as Seidou’s other arm was beginning to swing in the air.

It was kill or be killed, and Sibyl had determined that this man was no longer needed in their society. But, they still had no bloody clue what the hell was going on, and hopefully, Seidou knew some useful information. This man was worth more to them alive than dead.

Hide knew they wouldn’t be able to hold him down for long, so they had to incapacitate him. However, his coefficient was over three hundred, and the dominator would only shoot a lethal blast at him. All Hide could think about in his desperation was one story he heard of when he was studying, and he decided to go for it.

If Seidou got a strike in with that arm, it could be over for them. Hide did not have the strength to stop it. But, no matter how many times he rationalized it, the brutality of what he was about to do would haunt him for a long time.

He pointed the dominator at Seidou’s wrist and pulled the trigger.

There was an explosion of blood and tissue, and Hide closed his eyes instinctively to keep it from getting in them. When he opened them, he could see both Seidou and Touka staring at what he had done with wide eyes.

“Pin him!” Hide yelled, shocking Touka into action and she twisted Seidou’s remaining arm behind him, flipping him over onto his stomach as Hide fashioned a temporary tourniquet with his tie. It was a struggle, but he managed to get it on Seidou.

“Wow.” Hide turned his head at the sound of light, tapping footsteps. He was never happier to see Suzuya.

…

Hide was sitting in the back of an ambulance. They had just finished treating his wounds and they were still working on Touka a few feet away. She had been scowling the whole time, but not saying a word of complaint.

Amon was treated where he was, and later rolled in on a gurney, awake and extremely cranky. He probably did not like not being able to do a thing.

There was still something that was bothering Hide. “Hey, Touka,” he asked, “What happened to you before you saved my ass?”

She snorted at that. “He – Seidou – tried to drown me. I remember passing out while in the water, but when I woke up I was lying out of it…” She seemed troubled by it.

“Maybe you rolled out after he left, but just didn’t remember it?” Hide supplied.

“…yeah. Maybe.” But still, she didn’t seem to believe it.

Hide sighed. “We’ll have a debriefing tomorrow. We’ll figure it out. As for now, let’s get so rest. Chill out.”

Touka nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I could definitely use a good cup of coffee and maybe some pancakes. With lots of syrup.” She sighed, “Yeah that would be nice.”

“I just want a bath and then maybe some sleep if I can get it,” Hide mumbled, yawning and leaning against the ambulance wall. As he relaxed, he scratched his head, cringing when blood (and some tissue) gathered under his nails.

He felt nauseous staring at it. It would have been better if the blood was his own. He could still hear the sickening sound of Seidou’s arm exploding and the wet splashing of blood and tissue against his face and body. He shivered, and jolted slightly when he felt something draped over his shoulders. A blanket?

“Here.” Soft material was pulled around him, and Hide clutched onto it immediately, glancing up at Touka with wide eyes as she wrapped him up in one of the blankets from the ambulance. “Hang on. I’ll be right back.”

When she did come back, she sat next to him. She held up a white towel quizzically and Hide nodded his head, letting his eyes slide closed. Touka sat next to him and he felt her dab the warm and wet towel on his forehead. She was cleaning the remaining blood the medics had left.

Hide relaxed against Touka and let her work on him. There was something relaxing about letting someone else care for him. So often he took on the other role.

“How do you feel?” Touka asked, causing Hide to open his eyes as she rubbed some of the blood out of his hair with a concentrated expression.

“I’m… trying not to let myself think of it, but it’s hard.” Hide’s voice wavered and he blinked, a tear running down his cheek. “Oh geez, now look at me. Now I’m crying.” He removed the tears with the back of his hand and curled up more in the blanket.

“You made the right choice.” Touka murmured, placing the reddened towel down beside them, and a supporting hand on his shoulder. “It was a hard one, but you had the strength to make it.

“Even if I did,” Hide whispered. “Even if I did there had to have been a better way.”

“And even if there was, the alternate was killing him. Hide…” Touka gave his shoulder a squeeze. “You saved his life. You may have saved even more lives once we get information from him.”

Hide nodded and continued to lean against her numbly. Even if that was the truth, that would not stop him from feeling awful about himself. He distantly wondered if he would get used to exploding bodies and limbs…

…

The hot water seared the skin on Hide’s back painfully, and he tried not to focus on it as it ran red-stained down the drain. The metallic stench clung to him and he breathed through his mouth, but even then he could taste the tang of it on his tongue. Touka had wiped some of it away, mostly from his face and neck, but not what had soaked through his clothes and dyed his bleached hair. Some of the blood was dry by then, only making it harder to scrub off.

He sighed as he poured more of Kaneki’s body wash into his palm and kept rubbing his skin until it was irritated and red. He found the scent of it oddly comforting and he really hoped it was not creepy that he kept smelling his boyfriend’s hygiene products.

He really, really wanted to be with Kaneki. Amon was sent to the hospital for observation, but thankfully Shinohara offered to call to check the results of the surgery.

It went without a hitch, and Kaneki was sleeping, and would probably continue to until morning with how much sleep he missed and how many painkillers he was on. Shinohara suggested Hide stay home and wind down. Well, it was not like Hide was able to go anyway since no one was going to drive him… though Shinohara promised to in the morning.

Hide sighed, glancing at his face in the mirror. His face was pale and his eyes looked sunken in. Great. He looked like a fucking zombie. He sorted through Kaneki’s drawers, pulling out one of Kaneki’s warm and fluffy sweaters. It was not much, but he did feel a little better when he slipped it over his head.

Hide returned to the living room, where Touka was seated by Tsukiyama, a movie title flashing in the background on the television.

“Better?” She was smiling gently, and Hide nodded. She was curled up in the centre of the couch, bundled in a thick blanket, and Tsukiyama sat awkwardly, his knees drawn close to his chest.  

“What kind of movie is this anyway?” Tsukiyama squinted at the screen. “It looks kind of old.”

“It is.” Hide whispered to him and he saw Touka smirk out of the corner of his eye. “They don’t make ones like this anymore.”

“Huh? What kind of movie are we watching?” Tsukiyama asked again and shifted uneasily, glancing from Touka to Hide to the title screen (which started playing ominous music) and back again. “Oh – come on. What is this? Hide? Touka?”

Touka shushed him as she pressed play, causing the opening scene to start – and there was more of that awful music. Hide was sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for Tsukiyama’s reaction. Which would clearly be hilarious considering Tsukiyama’s expression.

Hide knew the movie well. They watched it a few times. Just to laugh at how bad it was. There was no blood or gore, just a bunch of alien like creatures running all over the place and failing to kill the painfully heroic and exceedingly skilled protagonists.

Tsukiyama flinched, yelping slightly at a jump scare. He saw Tsukiyama try not to pout as Touka laughed, and failed miserably. “No wonder these movies are no longer made…”

“Would you rather watch something else?” Hide asked.

“No.” Tsukiyama mumbled stubbornly and picked up a coffee mug Hide had not noticed placed by his feet and sipped it as he continued watching.

It was not long before Tsukiyama had a confused expression, watching what was clearly a person in a very inexpensive (and rather ridiculous looking) suit chase after one of the protagonists. When the camera zoomed in for a close up of the creature’s face, he snorted.

Tsukiyama covered his mouth, flushing. Hide heard Touka burst out laughing, and quickly joined her.

“This is horrible.” Tsukiyama muttered. “I could have done better with makeup alone.”

Hide chuckled and laid out on the couch, stretching. His head ended up in Touka’s lap and his feet in Tsukiyama’s, causing both of them to make disgruntled noises. “Can you really?” Hide asked, grinning at him. “Prove it.”

“Fine. But I’ll be using your face.” Tsukiyama took the challenge and stood.

Hide paused the movie and Touka ran off to the kitchen to make more coffee while Tsukiyama was assumed to be gathering supplies. When he came back, he waved Hide and Touka to the kitchen, where he set out enough products to cover the table and make Hide’s jaw drop.

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or horrified.” Touka muttered, sitting away and on the counter by the coffee maker.

“Prepare to be amazed.” Tsukiyama went to work on Hide’s face, plastering all types of things over it. Hide felt like he must have sat there for at least two long and silent hours (in which he was repeatedly instructed to not move), before Tsukiyama stepped back, apparently pleased with his work.

He heard Touka cough from across the room as she tried to hide her smile behind her coffee mug. Tsukiyama proudly held a mirror up so Hide could see his face, and all the grotesque and sharp teeth appearing to decorate the entire bottom of it. Lines around his eyes made them look cruel and contouring made the angles of his face much sharper. Bright colours were splattered across his face, but instead of being cheery, they only made Hide’s face more haunting.

Hide really fucking hated clowns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm upping the chapter count estimate to like 50, so ~100,000 words (collapses).


	12. Time is Ticking

“Takizawa Seidou.” The man was strapped down into a hospital bed, bandages covering every inch of his body, over new wounds and already healing ones.

“Amon…” His voice held the same singsong tone it did before, but was more tired. Amon didn’t know whether it was the painkillers or if he was simply exhausted. Amon was, and Seidou by all means should have been, but it was too hard to tell.

“I’ve come to ask you some questions now that you’re awake.” Amon pulled up a chair and stared down at the shrunken shape of his previous co-worker.  He looked so small…

Seidou didn’t answer him, and simply stared up at the ceiling. Either he had already lost his focus, or he was disinterested in the conversation that was about to take place. Amon sighed and shifted carefully. He was instructed to not get too close to him, even though he was strapped down.

“I understand this may be difficult for you, but I need to know, do you know where Mado Akira is?”

There was no answer. Amon huffed and rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen them. Seidou continued to stare at the wall, transfixed, an unreadable look in his eyes. The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock hung so innocently on the wall.

_Tick tock. Tick tock._

How much time did they have left? He didn’t have the time for this. They needed answers. For Akira’s sake.

“Please,” he begged. “Do you know what happened to Akira? Is she alive?”

Only that damn ticking of the clock answered him.

“…Seidou,” he demanded, and finally his eyes turned to him. He could see tears gathering and his lips moving rapidly. He was speaking quickly under his breath, but Amon couldn’t understand a word of what he was saying. Seidou was becoming more agitated and Amon deduced the rambles had no structure, no meaning. He was struggling against his bindings and Amon hesitantly placed his hand over Seidou’s remaining one.

“This is all so messed up.” Seidou’s fingernails were digging into the back of his hand. “Why did this have to happen?”

…

Once again, Hide was waiting for Kaneki to awake. He laid his hand upon his head, gently running his fingers through his hair, staring at the bandages that covered his new eye. He was breathing easily in his sleep, his face calm and relaxed.

That just made Hide dread giving him the news even more. His stomach turned the more he thought of it. The more he thought of Kaneki’s reaction to the news.

Hide took a deep shuddering breath, determined to not cry again. Trying to hold himself together, Hide cautiously climbed onto the bed, lying down next to Kaneki like he had so many times before. He held onto Kaneki’s arm and nuzzled his face against Kaneki’s shoulder. He took comfort in the physical contact, finding his heart and his breathing calmed.

Hide felt Kaneki shift beside him, but let his eyes close until he felt a hand pat around until it landed on his shoulder. “Hide?”

“Kaneki.” Hide whispered, shifting up slightly so he could look him in the eye. “The surgery went well. They said you’ll be sore for a while, though not as bad as you were initially.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What.” Hide’s eyebrows drew in.

Kaneki’s eye narrowed at him. “Your voice is raw, you have circles under your eyes and don’t think I don’t notice those bruises around your throat.”

Even though he just woke up, he was so perceptive. “Kaneki –“

“Don’t you dare lie to me, Hide. Who hurt you?” He could hear the anger slip into Kaneki’s tone as he craned his head to better look at Hide’s injuries, fingers twisting, and Hide quickly took Kaneki’s hands before he could crack – or possibly break – one of his fingers.

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Hide assured, running his thumbs over Kaneki’s knuckles until the tension in them faded. “I just… didn’t want to – to tell you right when you woke up.”

“To tell me what?” Kaneki pleaded. “What happened?”

Hide took a deep breath. “Akira was spotted. We went to investigate, but –“

“It was another trap.” Kaneki stated harshly.

Hide shook his head. “No, I don’t think it was. But… things weren’t good, Kaneki. Rize… Rize’s dead.”

He heard Kaneki’s breathing hitch. “Dead. She’s –“

“Yeah.” Hide gave Kaneki’s hands another squeeze. “I’m sorry. It was…” Hide inhaled deeply. “There was an investigator before we were at the bureau. His name’s Seidou and… they think he’s the one who did it. He went missing long before Akira. Now, his coefficient is through the roof and…”

“He’s also the one who did that to you.” Despite Hide’s comforting motions, Kaneki’s voice was still strained.

Hide nodded in confirmation. “Touka is okay, a little less injured than me, but they’re making sure there is no complications because of the water she inhaled… Amon was released from the hospital just a few hours ago with a concussion. Everyone else is fine, though Tsukiyama is a little shaken.”

Hide felt his stomach drop as Kaneki pulled his hands from his, bringing his trembling fingers to trace the bruises around Hide’s throat. Hide watched as tears gathered in his eye and then rolled down his cheek. His lips trembled and his chest heaved and Hide knew what would come next.

“Shhh.” Hide shifted, cupping both of Kaneki’s checks, embracing him the best he could. “Breathe with me, Ken.”

“I – I – I can’t protect _anyone_. You’re hurt and Rize’s _dead_ and – and –“ Kaneki broke off with a sob. “It’s all my _fault_. If I wasn’t so useless – If I wasn’t hurt – If I was actually able to do _something, do my job_ – then she wouldn’t have even –“

“Ken.” Hide tried again, rubbing away Kaneki’s tears with his thumbs as they rolled down his cheeks

“She was doing my job for me. She shouldn’t have been there. If only I – _if only I._ ”

“It’s not your fault.” Hide whispered, using the softest and most gentle tone he could – something he always did when Kaneki got like this. “You did all you could.”

_“But it wasn’t enough_.” He responded, shaking his head slightly. “I can’t even – I – _I._ ” Hide winced as Kaneki tried to push himself up into a seated position, arms straining and pain darting across his face.

“Ken.” Hide moved to support his back. “Please don’t strain yourself. Lay back down. _Please._ ”

Kaneki continued to sob, but Hide was a little relieved when he allowed him to guide him back down to a lying position. _“I can’t even sit up by myself. I’m so weak –_ “

“You’re not.” Hide laid right up by his side, hooking a leg over one of Kaneki’s and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He snuggled his face against Kaneki’s neck and spoke right next to his ear. “You’ve faced so much, but you continue fighting. That’s what makes you strong.”

_“Hide…_ ”

“There’s only so much you can do, Ken.” Hide pressed a kiss to his jaw. “What you need to do right now is get better. _Rest._ ”

Kaneki turned his head, facing Hide. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Hide smiled gently and pushed himself up on the mattress so he could press his forehead against Kaneki’s. “Shhh. No, it’s okay.” Hide rubbed his forehead against Kaneki’s affectionately.

Kaneki made a negative noise. “It’s not. I – all I’ve done is burden you.”

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true.” Hide assured. He continued to nuzzle his head. “I love you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else. _You will never be a burden to me._ ”

Kaneki’s shoulders shook and Hide wrapped his arm around Kaneki tighter.

“This has been bothering you for a while, hasn’t it?” Hide spoke slowly, allowing his thumb to trace circles on Kaneki’s opposite shoulder. “Please, tell me when you start feeling like this.”

He waited for Kaneki’s answer, not realizing how tense he was until Kaneki nodded and he relaxed. As Hide held Kaneki, murmuring soothing words and noises, he felt the man calm, his crying slowed. When he fell back asleep, Hide went back to running his fingers through his hair.

“We’ll figure it out. We’ll get through this, buddy.”

…

Kaneki was released a couple hours later after waking back up. Shinohara was the one driving them again. Amon must not have been cleared for that yet. The thought worried Hide, considering Amon spent more time in the hospital than Hide when he had his concussion.

There was also another person he was worried about. Kaneki had been practically silent since he awoke, moving rather mechanically, his eyes still red from when he cried earlier. When he finally settled in the car, after having to rest many times on the way there, he slumped against Hide, who sat in the back of the vehicle with him.

By the time they reached the Bureau, Kaneki was asleep again. But thankfully, Shinohara offered to carry him back to his room, which Hide definitely would not have been able to do without at least waking him. Hide felt a little chill as they passed Rize’s (Hide’s) room. It was eerie, knowing her belongings were probably still in there, waiting to be cleared out… He shivered.

Hide pulled the blankets back on Kaneki’s bed and Shinohara laid him down softly. Hide found himself smiling despite himself. Shinohara was something of a gentle giant. He was always kind to everyone, though he could get serious if the situation called for it. Hide heard he had a kid, he sometimes listened in on Shinohara talking to Amon about milestones like walking and talking. Suzuya also seemed like a son to him, with the way he worked with him. From what Hide understood, they worked together for a number of years… and there were also the rumors of Suzuya previously being an enforcer… though Hide could not take rumors for truth. It was never a good idea to.

Hide thanked Shinohara before he left, then checked on Kaneki. After tucking one more blanket around him, Hide decided he needed to go for a little walk to check on Touka, and especially Tsukiyama who seemed to be extremely disturbed by what he witnessed the previous day. Hide hoped they were both doing well. If he could manage it, he would also see if he could find Amon and see how he was doing. It was hard for him to come so close to finding Akira, then losing her again.

He stretched his arms and legs, closing Kaneki’s bedroom door as silently as he could. He decided to go to Touka’s room first, but pulled up short when he heard movement from within Rize’s room. Eyebrows furrowed, he strode up to the door and twisted the knob open. The lights were on and Hide could see numerous boxes lining the walls. Hide was not sure if they were there to pack up Rize’s belongings, or if they still held unpacked items from before.

He saw someone sitting in the centre of the room, going through a few books that were scattered about, pulling some out of a box and putting some back in. She was humming to herself, tucking brown hair behind her ear as she worked. She sat on her knees and wiggled her toes, pins glinting as she shifted.

“Who are you?” Hide asked, and she took her time to face him, not seeming to be surprised by the question, or that someone else was in the room with her, despite her not acknowledging him when he first entered.

She stood, dusting off her knees as she did so. The look she was giving him was almost cautious, hesitant and… nervous.

Hide was not informed of any maintenance work being done, and he had never seen this woman in the bureau before. “This is supposed to be a closed facility. Please state who you are and your business.” He sounded professional, despite his confusion. If Kaneki was there, Hide was sure he would be proud.

“Ah, right. My apologies.” She tilted her head to the side with a smile. “I’m the new addition to your team. Name’s Roma! Pleased to meet you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are falling... falling apart.


	13. Expendable

Hide groaned, running his hands through his hair with agitation. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There were endless questions, and not a single answer. There was nothing from Seidou, despite Hide’s hopes, and nobody who was at the scene could come up with any useful information. They were at a standstill and could do nothing until new information surfaced or until Seidou talked.

Suzuya had come in late as usual and was munching on candy like he would under any other circumstance, but he just felt a little… off. Toned down and thoughtful. He was affected by Rize’s death as well. He also spent a good long time staring at Roma after she complemented his bobby pins. He didn’t respond.

It was a little scary how quickly Rize was replaced… the next day after… did the higher-ups not care about anyone’s feelings? Were the enforcers expendable assets to them? Was that what latent criminals were to them? Did they not care at all?

Everyone was quiet and rather down. After meeting everyone, even Roma had caught on and was sitting solemnly on the couch. Nobody spoke to her. It wasn’t her fault.

They were mourning. Not only for the loss of Rize, but also for the loss of any leads. Anything to give them closure for the horror that transpired.

“Fuck.” Hide escaped into a hallway and drove his fist against the wall, his head slowly coming to rest on top of it as he exhaled.

He jumped as he felt a hand in his hair, ruffling it. He spun to see Touka, who was frowning. “You’re not looking so good, Hide.”

“Uh.” Hide sheepishly glanced away. “Really? I feel okay.”

“Right. How much sleep you running on today?” She asked, her voice practically commanding Hide to meet her gaze. Well, her glare.

Hide pursed his lips. “Not a lot.”

“And what about your legs? Did you clean and bandage the wounds like you were supposed to?” She accused, already anticipating his answer. When Hide once again avoided her gaze, she grabbed him by the arm. Touka dragged him off to her room and shoved him into her little bathroom. “Pants off.”

“Sorry, Touka.” Hide grinned cheekily. “I’ve already got my one true love and I’m not all that into girls anyw – ow ow ow.”

Touka pinched his ear. “Pants. Off.”

“Fine.” Hide groaned, pushing his pants down to his ankles and sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Touka sifted through her cupboards, pulling out the things she would need.

“You need to take better care of yourself,” she scolded, kneeling to peel the bandages off carefully, but Hide still winced as they stuck to his wounds.

The scrapes were pretty bad to look at, considering the amount of skin Hide lost. Most of it was scabbed over, but a few spots where the bandage pulled at were bleeding. The skin was raw and sore, and Hide practically yelped when Touka began to clean it.

“You could have warned me,” Hide muttered.

Touka rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a baby.” She narrowed her eyes as she dabbed at the wound, holding each of Hide’s legs still as she worked on them.

“How do you feel?” Hide asked, scrutinizing Touka’s face.

“Just peachy.” She quipped, frowning as Hide continued to stare at her. “Okay, so maybe my throat burns like hell. And I have an awful headache.”

“No. I mean, _are you okay_?” Hide knew Touka would get the implications of the question, but would she answer?

She clenched her teeth. “Don’t worry about me.” She reached for more bandages to use.

“Well, too bad. Because I am.” Hide pressed.

Her face twisted and Hide waited for an outburst, but instead, her face smoothed out. “Hide – I. There was no way I rolled out of that water myself. I think – no, _I know_ – someone pulled me out.”

When Touka finished bandaging his legs, he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “Touka –“

“I _know_ Hide. I _know_ there was someone.” She snapped, causing Hide to hold his hands up.

“I’m not doubting you, okay?” Hide said gently. “But there’s nothing that can be done right now. No one saw them. Not even you. We just have to wait and see.”

“That’s easier said than fucking done, sunshine boy.” She rubbed her forehead, swallowing thickly.

Hide smiled wryly. “Yeah, I know.”

“Which is the reason I pulled you in here in the first place.” Touka shook her head. “You look like you’re pushing yourself too hard.”

“I’m tired. I’m not going to lie about that.” Hide admitted. “The past day has been absolute hell.”

“And I’m demanding you actually get back to bed before you walk into a wall.” Touka stated. “I mean it. I don’t want to see you until tomorrow. Let me and uh – Roma – handle things today. I think that was Amon’s plan anyway.”

“Sleep does sound good.” The thought of resting his head against a pillow and having blankets wrapped around him was rather enticing. “ _Really_ good.”

“Exactly.” Touka pulled him up and pushed him towards the door. “Also, Hide?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. If you need help… If you need to take a break, let me know.”

Hide smiled. “Of course.”

…

Hide did as Touka asked and stayed in bed all day, drifting in and out of sleep. He was curled around Kaneki, though late in the afternoon he disappeared for an hour or so. Hide faintly remembered Touka’s hushed voice, so he was not worried and kept his eyes closed. When Hide next woke, Kaneki was lying on the other side of him, his face pressed against Hide’s back.

He slept through the night as well, only getting up briefly to use the washroom, nearly tripping over his own feet, his head feeling light, astounding him with how tired he still was.

He woke early in the morning, before the sun rose, with his hair and face feeling disgustingly greasy. He heard Kaneki groan in his sleep as he disentangled himself, eager to shower and get something into the bottomless pit that was his stomach.

After eating and waiting for someone else to wake up and make coffee, he found himself enlisted to clean out Rize’s room and pick up where Roma left off the other day. She and Touka were out on a job with Amon, and Furuta was around… somewhere. He kind of creeped Hide out, so he was glad to not find him hovering over his, or any other enforcer’s shoulder, like so many newbie investigators did.

Even though Rize had only lived there for a while, the scent of her perfume permeated the room. It stuck to the floor, the walls… every time Hide moved something he would get a whiff of it. Hide saw Roma had packed very little away, but had a new mattress and bedding moved in. No wonder Hide was asked to help… it must have been disturbing to sleep in a room filled with a dead person’s belongings.

Hide began with what was left of the books, taking care to gently pack them away. He was not sure if Rize had any family, and despite his dislike for her, he wanted to take as much care as he could. Perhaps if she did have one, they were grieving. The closest thing Hide could liken it to himself was losing Kaneki. Hide never knew his family and was unsure what exactly happened to them. He never found their death records, he never found them in the bureau’s criminal database. The only thing he could base his search on was his last name, though he came to suspect it was a replacement given to him. The city paid for Hide when he was a child, to go to school, to feed him, to give him something like a home with other children like him and guardians to look after them. Hide made friends for a number of years, but no one _truly_ became as close to him as Kaneki did. Before they started dating, they were still closer than friends. The very thought of losing Kaneki tore Hide’s heart out. Hide did not think there was a more important person in the world. At least, not to him.

Kaneki getting hurt to the extent he was pained Hide, brought to the forefront many thoughts he pushed to the back of his mind. Many ‘what ifs’ that made his heart clench and his throat tighten. _What if Kaneki was to get hurt again? What if Kaneki was not going to get better? What if Kaneki died?_ The thoughts kept him awake many nights, even as Kaneki slept beside him peacefully, breathing deeply, his heart beating steadily, being injured, but very much _alive,_ _and_ recovering.

Hide’s fingers twitched as they curled around a book and it slipped from his grasp, falling to the ground with a dull _thunk_. Numbly, Hide picked it up, hoping he had not damaged any pages when they splayed out. As he lifted the book, a small piece of paper fluttered out and onto the ground. There was writing on it, notes about a couple chapters in tiny, neat print. He clutched in his hand before placing it back. The only thing Rize had to show for her life was in this room, being packed into boxes.

Hide was once again struck with the disturbing realization of how the bureau treated them. Like they were _nothing._ Not even human. The sibyl system determined who deserved to live and who did not, and they were supposed to pull the triggers without hesitation. Those shots were only meant for those with a coefficient over three-hundred. But? Even those with coefficients lower than that were tranquillized like animals, locked away from society even though they never did any wrong. Just because a damn system determined they _might_ do something. And, when those with high coefficients died, there was hardly any thought, any remembrance given. Even in the bureau, someone like Rize was replaced the next day like she was nothing but a pawn to reach a common goal.

But, was that the fault of the individuals at the head of the bureau, the people who created the sibyl system, or the utilitarian society they lived in?

“Hide?” There was a knock on the door and Tsukiyama stepped in holding a cup full of steaming liquid. “You’ve been in here for a couple hours. How are things coming along?”

“Slow.” Hide stood, stretching out his cramped legs. “I’m over half-done though.” He took the coffee from Tsukiyama and happily inhaling the aroma before taking a sip. “You’re getting better at making this.”

“Merci.” Tsukiyama glanced around the room uncomfortably, his eyes falling on the clothes that Hide had been emptying out of drawers. He cleared his throat and glanced back down the hallway. “I was thinking of making some lunch.”

“That would be great.” Hide stepped out of the room with Tsukiyama, closing the door behind them. Tsukiyama visibly relaxed once the door was closed. Hide supposed it was hard for him, considering he was the one who found Rize’s body. “I’ll go check if Kaneki is up.”

“He is.” Tsukiyama affirmed. “I brought him some coffee and a novel earlier.”

Hide smiled gratefully. He was so caught up in his thoughts he lost track of time… at least he had other people who he could rely on. Hide had been friends with Touka for number of months, but Hide was starting to warm up to Tsukiyama as well. Despite his initial reaction to Tsukiyama, Hide was convinced he was a good person.

Hide walked down the hallway briefly knocking on Kaneki’s door before opening it. Kaneki sat back against a pile of pillows, engrossed in whatever book Tsukiyama brought him.

“Hey,” Hide greeted.

Kaneki put the book down, smiling. “Hey.”

Hide had to believe they would be okay, that they could tackle anything that came their way. Together, they could take on any challenge.


	14. Choices

A few weeks passed, and _finally_ Kaneki was happy with the rate at which he was recovering. Walking and doing everyday tasks was easy. He was itching to do more. However, the doctor had yet to approve him to do more extensive exercises, so he held back, not wanting to ruin the rehabilitation he already did. Passing the time was hard, even when it was spent curled up against Hide. He felt like he needed to do _something,_ and his growing agitation must have been clear to everyone.

That was when Tsukiyama offered to teach him how to cook. It was something Kaneki thought he was already good at, though he apparently still had a lot to learn considering the intricacy of Tsukiyama’s meals. Kaneki could not even name all the spices he used, or understand how they came out tasting as good as they did in the end. Most of Kaneki’s time was spent watching, though it supplied a welcome escape and occasionally (when he was brave enough) gave him something to do with his hands. When Kaneki was the one cooking, Hide happily sat at the kitchen table, swinging his legs back and forth, proudly declaring himself a guinea pig.

It took a while, and Kaneki almost cried when he was given the green light to train again, though he was warned to not overexert himself. From then on, he spent many hours in the gym, and also some time sparing with Touka. Hide worked out with him most of the time, though sat on the sidelines during sparing sessions, his chin resting on his knees as he caught his breath from the earlier exercise.

The familiar muscle movement and the sweat causing his clothing to stick to his skin never failed to uplift Kaneki. And the soreness of his muscles the next day always insured him of his progress, of his growing strength. Though Hide constantly complained to Kaneki about his achy muscles, it was probably just to score massages out of Kaneki.

With things going as good as they were, Kaneki was not expecting the abrupt turn to come.

Just as Kaneki stepped out of the shower, he heard a small beep from his watch on the sink counter. Quickly drying off and throwing some cloths on, he peeked down at it.

_The chief?_

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and pulled his shirt back off, opting to grab something a little more formal to wear from his drawers. He could not hold back his nerves, though he hoped the purpose of his summoning was to tell him he could go back to work.  

Minutes later he was knocking at the chief’s office door. After a seconds, he entered. The chief never answered and was waiting for him anyway. Pushing the door open, Kaneki was unsurprised to see the chief rolling into his line of sight on a chair.

The chief did not exactly go for the professional look, usually wearing baggy, cotton clothes. Kaneki’s eyes always fell on the intricate, elegant tattoos covering his body and the piercings he adorned it with. His eyes were unsettling. There were rumors that they were mechanical transplants, but Kaneki didn’t understand why someone would want something like that. Intimidation, maybe? It sure did fit the chief’s persona. Being glared at with black and red eyes wasn’t exactly comfortable… Kaneki himself was given the choice of which colour he wanted his eye to be, and he chose to have it match his other one.

“Kaneki Ken.” The chief greeted, expression neutral, as always.

Kaneki bowed. “Chief.”

The chief’s face remained unchanged. “I’ve told you many times. Uta is fine.” He flipped through some papers on his desk absently, until Kaneki began to fidget. “I’m not sure if you know, but we’ve had some problems at the bureau recently, aside from Rize’s untimely death… Someone transferring our equipment to the outside. Investigators being kidnapped. Enforcers being murdered. And yet we have no leads at all.” Kaneki stood in silence, waiting for Uta to get to his point. “We can guess who is responsible.” Kaneki jolted at the statement, but Uta went on. “Individual criminals are troublesome. However, organizations of them are difficult and one has been making noise lately. As a matter of fact, I think _you_ are familiar with them, are you not? _Aogiri.”_

The name was enough to make Kaneki shudder, his hand shooting up to cover his ear as he cringed at the thought of his memories. “That… is something I wish to put behind me.”

“Unfortunately, that is not possible. Until they are wiped out for good.” Uta’s wide eyes were staring into him. “Do you want them to continue hurting the ones you love?”

“What do you want? Why did you call me here?” Kaneki clutched his hands in front of him, trying to stop the insistent trembling.

Uta leaned back, those dark eyes scrutinizing Kaneki. “We want you to infiltrate them.”

Kaneki shook his head. “ _No._ I _can’t_.”

“You are the only one I can trust with the job. Aogiri won’t take anyone with a healthy coefficient, and we can’t send any of the other enforcers.” Uta stood, leaning down to examine Kaneki’s face. “I know you hate them, and that is why I have to send you. You will get us the information we need to take them down. Or do you want them to take Hide next? Touka? Torture them like they tortured Seidou? If there is not anything done people will continue dying and going missing. If you can infiltrate them, if you can convince them you are worthy of their secrets, that will never have to happen. So, tell me Kaneki. Will you do this for the bureau?”

Kaneki shook, eyes blinking rapidly, lips shaking. Wanting to answer, but not being able to.

“I don’t need your response tonight, but I will soon. Please, let me know in the morning what your decision is, and we’ll go from there.” Uta flicked a hand towards the door. “You’re dismissed. Oh – and also, Kaneki. No one can know of this. This is a top secret mission. If you tell anyone, there will be severe consequences. Keep in mind we have a rat among us sneaking things to the outside and it could be anyone. I would hate to see this plan compromised before it’s even put into action.”

Kaneki nodded numbly as he left, nearly stumbling as he exited. He leaned up against the wall outside the office, slowly sliding down and pulling his knees to his chest.

…

It took half an hour for Kaneki to be composed enough to head back. He smoothed out his suit with trembling fingers, taking deep breaths. When he returned, Hide was waiting for him with an eager expression.

“So? Where’d you disappear to?” He bounced up to Kaneki, pausing briefly to kiss Kaneki’s forehead.

Kaneki forced a smile. “Chief called me in.” He rubbed his chin, trying to make his smile more natural.

There was a short pause. “That’s great!” Then he had both arms full of a nuzzling Hide.

“Yeah.” He said quietly.

He wanted to tell Hide so badly… but, Hide would stop him, would he not? Did that mean Kaneki was going to do it? He did not know… Uta said he was the only one who could do it, and Akira and Rize were already lost because of Aogiri. Uta was right, the next person hurt or taken could be anyone. It could be Tsukiyama. Touka… _Hide._ If he was the only one able to do it then…

He shook his head, hugging Hide tighter. He had until morning to decide. To truly think if it was something he was willing to do. And if he told Hide, he would beg Kaneki to go another route, to come up with something else. But, inside the bureau like he was, there would be no other options, no other decisions. Kaneki could only make those if he left, joining Aogiri under a faulty premise.

“Kane _ki_.” Hide was shaking his shoulders. “Earth to Kaneki. You’re zoning out on me here.”

“S-sorry.” Kaneki winced.

“Hey.” Hide’s voice was soft, his eyes open and trusting, even though Kaneki was withholding something from him. “Do you want to go somewhere quiet? Relax for a little while?” He ran his palms up and down Kaneki’s arms, soothing them.

Kaneki nodded mutely.

“How about a piggyback ride?” Hide grinned and shot of pain ran through Kaneki’s heart.

He swallowed thickly, nodding again, not trusting his voice enough to speak. It was something he and Hide often did as children. If Kaneki slipped and scraped his knee, or so much as stubbed his toe, Hide would proudly declare himself a savior and carry him all the way home at the end of the day.

As Hide helped hoist Kaneki onto his back, Kaneki let his arms drape over his shoulders, crossing them over Hide’s chest. With a shaky sigh, he laid his head on top of his left arm, squeezing Hide’s waist with his legs.

“Do you want the lights on or off?” Hide asked as he strolled rather easily into their room. A few months ago it might have exhausted him, but Hide was not even out of breath. Had he been training more?

“Off.” Kaneki mumbled. “Turn the lamp on, though?”

“Sure thing.” Hide deposited Kaneki on the bed, then scrambled to flip the lamp switch on, filling the room with a dim, comfortable light.

Leaving would mean leaving Hide. Kaneki would not be able to hear his voice, feel his touch. Kaneki would not wake up to see his face or fall asleep in his embrace. He would not be to hear his laugh, see his smile. And how would Hide feel? If Kaneki was to leave without a word? Would he feel betrayed? How much would it _hurt_ him?

He had to choose. He had to _choose_.

Hide wrapped an arm around Kaneki’s waist and Kaneki automatically rolled over and leaned against him, pressing his face against the soft fabric of his shirt, inhaling deeply. Hide traced circles on Kaneki’s back, and Kaneki was sure Hide could feel how fast his heart was racing.

But he did not know _what_ to choose.

Kaneki pulled back slightly, to examine Hide’s face. Hide kept his eyes open and his relaxed expression steady as Kaneki’s eyes darted from his jaw to his cheeks and to the eyes Kaneki loved so much.

“I love you,” Kaneki whispered, cupping Hide’s cheeks.

With those words full of affection, Hide’s face softened with a small smile. “I love you too, Ken.”

“Always.” Kaneki licked his lips, tracing his thumbs along Hide’s cheekbones. “I’ll love you always.”

“Ken… I – always. I’ll love you.” Hide’s eyebrows furrowed as he examined Kaneki’s face and Kaneki closed his eyes.

Kaneki did not want to think.

Kaneki leaned forward and brushed his lips across Hide’s, just a feather’s touch. Kaneki waited to Hide’s response, and breathed a relieved sigh Hide’s lips pressed back against his, soft and welcoming. No thinking, just feeling Hide against him, his hand dropping to the small of Kaneki’s back and pulling him closer. Filled with _want_ , Kaneki nipped at Hide’s lip, kissing harder and with more urgency.

Hide answered with a low groan, rolling on top of Kaneki as he slipped his tongue into his mouth, slowly tracing his bottom lip before brushing it against Kaneki’s with a slow, prodding stroke. Kaneki’s back arched as Hide slid his hand out from under him, drawing it up to his waist, his actions tender but firm. The fingers of his other hand touched Kaneki’s chin, urging Kaneki to turn his head. As he did, Kaneki caught his breath, and Hide mouthed at his pulse point, biting lightly before soothingly running his tongue over the spot.

Hide spoke against Kaneki’s neck. “Do you want to –“

“ _Yes._ ”

Hide pulled back, grinning cheekily as he sauntered over to one of the drawers of Kaneki’s dresser.


	15. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an apology for uploading the latest chapter so late. Have another.

Kaneki awoke early, the clock beside his bed reading 4:30. Hide’s arm was wrapped loosely around his waist, his face snuggled against Kaneki’s bare chest. He was sleeping deeply, peacefully. Kaneki wished he could close his eyes and go back to sleep. He wished he could wake up beside Hide and see his smile. Just one last time.

Kaneki’s stomach rolled as he carefully slipped out of Hide’s embrace. He lingered, tucking the blankets around Hide, brushing his hair away from his forehead to plant a kiss there. Hide shifted in his sleep, but did not awake.

Kaneki quietly got dressed, pausing before he put on a bright coloured shirt under a black sweater. He dressed in dark clothing, sure he would be sneaking around in shadows. Then, he slid out of the room, closing the door behind him. It was eerie to walk around the bureau so early in the morning. Kaneki cautiously made his way up to the chief’s office, even though he was sure no one would be wandering around so early.

He was not surprised when he found the chief sitting in his office, his hands folded in front of him. “You’ve made your choice then?”

Kaneki, after many moments of long hesitation, nodded. “Yes. I – yes. I will do as you asked.”

“Excellent.” Uta glanced behind him. “Roma.”

Kaneki had not noticed the small woman until then. She was sitting on the floor, fiddling with something in her hands. When Uta called her name, she stood, then trotted over to stand beside Kaneki with a smirk.

“Remember, Kaneki. You must get Aogiri to trust you. It’s essential.” Uta’s eyes cut to Roma, who was absently playing with a lock of Kaneki’s hair. “She will explain the rest to you. Now _go._ ”

“ _Roger!_ ” Roma chirped happily, catching Kaneki by the arm and dragging him out the door, but not before kicking it open, making the glass shatter as it hit the wall. “Hurry. Hurry. This way.”

Then there was a knife waved in his face. Kaneki stumbled back in shock, but Roma pulled him back, thrusting the handle into his hand. “What is this?” He asked. “What the fuck?”

She stuffed the cloth she used to hold the handle into her pants. “Stab me.”

“ _What?_ ”

Roma sighed, taking Kaneki’s hand between hers. “Now the real fun begins.” She pulled his arm forward, stabbing herself in the stomach. “ _Ooooh_. _That hurts._ Bad.”

“ _Roma!”_

She collapsed to her knees, holding her stomach. “Ahahaha… you should really get going, you know.” She pointed to the fire escape, fingers dripping blood. Kaneki dropped the knife, stumbling back and almost falling over as he brought his hands to his face. They left warm prints of blood. On his skin. On his hair.

“What do I do? I don’t even know _where_ to find Aogiri!”

Roma chuckled, a little blood dribbling out of her mouth. “You don’t need to worry about that. If you don’t find them, I’m _sure_ they’ll find you. We will get in touch with you in a few weeks. Oh – and I wouldn’t forget that knife if I were you.” She tapped her arm. “You need to get that tracker out, you know.”

An alarm sounded throughout the building. Kaneki didn’t have time to think. He grabbed the knife and ran through the door and dropped down the fire escape. His feet pounded on the ground and his lungs screamed for more oxygen, but he kept going, hurrying through back alleys where the eyes of the bureau could not follow him. He knew the routes from his investigations and his knowledge would serve him well. It was then that he realized what Roma meant, about Aogiri finding him. Of course they would want that information as well.

He hunched over, shaking violently as he emptied his stomach on the ground. He had to make them trust him. Oh _god._

With trembling fingers he pushed against the skin of his forearm, feeling for the telltale lump that gave away the small device hidden in his arm. He carefully took the knife, making a clean slice while being sure to avoid any major veins.

The pain was nothing to him.

Digging his fingers into the soft tissue, he pulled the small piece out and dropped it to the ground, along with the knife. He needed to stop the bleeding. It would make him weak, and not only that, but it could also leave a trail.

He tore the end of his sweater, wrapping the black fabric around his arm to stop the bleeding.

There was no way he would be able to walk into a hospital. He would have to find Aogiri. _Fast._ He wouldn’t be able to survive on the streets by himself without getting caught. If that happened, it was all for nothing. He couldn’t let that happen.

He glanced at his watch, the last thing tying him to the bureau, to all of his friends. To his _family._ With tears in his eyes, he unclipped it and let it slide to the ground.

“I’m sorry.”

…

Hide was awoken by the sound of a loud alarm coming from his wrist. Cracking his eyes open, he gave a frustrated grunt and clicked his watch a few times. An escapee? A few more clicks and the wanted criminal’s picture popped up on his screen. Hide launched to his feet, nearly falling over as the blankets tangled around his legs.

The alarm was not just coming from his wrist. It seemed to fill the whole building.

The bed was empty and Kaneki was nowhere to be seen. Hide hopelessly glanced around the room and it seemed to spin around him.

“No way.” Hide pulled his hair and slapped his cheeks a couple times. “This has to be some kind of joke, right? This has to be a fucking joke.” Hide paced, clicking his watch frantically. “Fuck.” Hide grabbed some clothes and threw them, then rushed out of the room.

When he reached the lounge area, Amon was seated with Tsukiyama, both of them looking strained.

“What happened?” Hide demanded, wincing as he heard the tension in his voice. “Wh –“

Amon spoke. “The chief pressed the panic button under his desk. Kaneki stole his keys. When Roma tried to stop him, he stabbed her.”

“That’s ridiculous – why would he –?”  Hide shook his head. “The cameras. Did they check the cameras?”

“The cameras only run when there is no one in the offices. They’re deactivated as soon as the chief arrives to open up.” That was right. Hide remembered seeing paperwork go around to approve for recording twenty four-seven after the stealing incidents, but it still hadn’t been permitted by the chief. All the regular traffic in the upstairs offices were strictly investigators, unless an enforcer was approved access for a short period of time. If an enforcer went, it usually wasn’t a good thing.

“Why did the chief want to see Kaneki?” Hide pressed his lips into a thin line.

“They say he was the one who was leaking supplies. Along with Rize.”

“And you _believed that?_ ” Hide clenched his fists. “There’s no way. I won’t.” He stomped away. He would find Kaneki and clear everything up.

Amon shook his head, frowning. “Where are you going?” He stopped Hide before he reached the door. “We are to stay on standby in case something happens. Besides, we only have _half_ a functioning team. You are not leaving.”

“But I have to –“

“Absolutely not.” Amon responded, with a tight voice. Hide could tell he did not like the situation either. But Amon was not _Hide._ He did not have the same relationship with Kaneki as Hide did.

To Hide’s surprise, Tsukiyama spoke. “Have you taken a look at yourself?” Amon pulled Hide to sit on the couch beside them. “Suzuya and Shinohara’s team is on it. We just have to sit and wait to see if they can find him.” Tsukiyama made useless motions with his hands. “I just – what the hell was he thinking…?”

Tsukiyama’s face was pale, and Hide knew he was thinking the same thing as Hide. What if they did find Kaneki? Hide knew how his coefficient could fluctuate. What if it went over three hundred and someone pulled the trigger?

Hide had been so absorbed, he didn’t even realize who was missing. “Touka. Where’s Touka?”

“Her room.”

Hide walked on shaky legs, and knocked on Touka’s door. He heard a negative noise and then the door opened, revealing a red-eyed and disheveled Touka. She retreated back into her room, leaving the door open for Hide. He hesitantly closed it as Touka disappeared into the bathroom. He could hear the water running and guessed she was washing her face. The water turned off and Hide heard a loud shatter. He rushed into the bathroom to see Touka holding a broken mug, her palm bleeding slightly from one of the shards.

“He gave this to me…” she murmured, before throwing it to the ground with a humourless laugh. “Fuck it.” Her laughter turned to sobs and she covered her face. “Why did he have to go –“

Hide yanked her into a hug and she gripped at his shirt desperately, wailing. “ _Why did he have to leave me? Everyone I care about fucking leaves me! First Ayato and now him too. Why why why. I hate him. I HATE him.”_

Hide knew the words were not true. She loved Kaneki like her own brother, and that was why it hurt her so much to see him go. Just like her brother by blood, Kaneki abandoned her. She could never hate them, even if she tried to.

Hide found it hard – no, impossible – to believe Kaneki would just up and leave. There had to be a reason. Hide was unsure of what happened to cause Kaneki to do what he did, but if there was one thing Hide knew, it was that Kaneki loved the people he worked with at the bureau. He loved _Hide_.

There was something more to what happened, and Hide promised himself he would figure it out.

“Touka…” Hide held her as she wept uncontrollably, her tears staining his shirt. Kaneki’s shirt, he realized. He must have thrown it on in his rush to get dressed… Touka’s wails quieted into sniffles, and Hide gently guided her over to her bed, where she laid down on top of the covers. “Hang on. I’ll go get a first aid kit.”

When he came back, Touka had her face buried in a pillow and her palm on her stomach, keeping the blood from getting on her bed. She didn’t say anything as Hide cleaned and bandaged the wound. Thankfully, it didn’t appear to need stitches.

“You’re not alone, you know.” Touka stiffened as Hide spoke. “There’s a lot of people who care about you. I know I do. There’s Koma and Irimi, and Yoshimura is kind of like everyone’s father… and, well Tsukiyama and Nishio are kind of asses, but they fit in there somewhere too.” To Hide’s surprise, Touka chuckled quietly at that, prompting him to continue. “They’re your family. And they care about you just as much as you care about them.”

Touka patted one of his hands lightly. “You have a place here too, you know.” Touka gazed up at him with bleary eyes. “We care about you because you’re important to us. Not just because you’re important to Kaneki.”

“Thank you.” Hide sighed, smiling to himself. No matter what happened, he would not be alone. He had people to rely on. “Thank you, Touka.”

When he heard a soft snore, he realized Touka had fallen asleep. As carefully as he could, Hide wrapped the edges of the blankets around her and went to clean up the bathroom. On instinct, he almost threw away the shards of the coffee mug, but instead he fit them all into a bag. Touka could do what she wanted with them later.

He was surprised to feel as positive as he did. He had a plan. Something he could focus on.

He would find out what happened to Kaneki.

And he just had to trust Kaneki was okay and was going to _be_ okay.


	16. The Horror of the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters within 24 hours (Praise me pls).

So maybe Hide did not have so much of a plan. He had a plan to _get_ a plan, though he had not exactly plotted out all the points from A to Z. But, he did have part A planned out and hell, he had to start somewhere.

Hide strode back out to the lounge with his head held high. “Is there any new information?” He asked in a hushed voice.

“Yeah,” Amon confirmed, focused on the information coming up on the hologram projected by his watch. “They followed the location of Kaneki’s tracking device. They found it on the ground along with blood and vomit. He must have cut it out of his arm. They found a knife at the scene. It’s still being tested, but I’m going to guess it has both Kaneki and Roma’s blood on it.”

“And Kaneki? Did they find Kaneki?”

Amon shook his head. Hide was not sure if he was relived or frustrated. “No. Chances are he’ll probably lay low for a few days. But what he was expecting to do after escaping… I don’t know. I guess we will find out.”

“Damn it. What is Roma saying?” Hide pressed. He needed to know.

“When they found her she was unconscious. She hasn’t woken up since. They’ve given her a few blood transfusions and now she’s gone into surgery. We will have to wait until she wakes up and can get her statement. Hide… look. I know you are hopeful, but in the long run it’s probably best you just admit it to yourself. All the evidence points against Kaneki.”

“And yet you would still stand with him, would you not? Touka would to. You know – _we know_ – he did what he did for a reason. He wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t something serious. Despite all the evidence that points against him, you would still trust him. I know you would. And I do to.”

Amon stared at him dryly. “You’d best be checking your psycho pass, Hide.” So, Amon would not admit it then. Hide did not blame him. He wondered what kind of blow it would deal to Amon’s coefficient if he _did_ admit it to himself.

“I know you’re trying to help me, man. I really do.” Hide pursed his lips and glared at Amon’s back as he turned back to his device. “But in all due respect, you can go fuck yourself.”

Amon looked back at him with a sigh. He looked… _sad?_ “Hideyoshi, please. Go rest. I know this must be hard on you.”

“I’ll be fine.” Hide said confidently. “I trust my judgement of Kaneki more than I trust anyone else’s.” Even Sibyl’s.

…

Kaneki crouched down in an alley, hidden behind a smelly dumpster. Hand clutching at his arm, he could feel his pulse accelerate even as he tried to keep it down.

There was no one there for him. Yoshimura was not there to offer him a cup of coffee. Nishio was not there to distract him by telling a ridiculous story from when he was free. They usually ended with Nishio kicking someone. The thought made him smile in memory as tears started to pour down his face. Tsukiyama was not there to talk about books with him to help him calm his nerves. Touka was not there to hold him for as long as he needed, or to pet his hair like his mother used to. Hide was not there with his sunny presence and gentle actions that chased Kaneki’s demons away.

No. He was all alone now. He was all alone just like he used to be. It made him feel empty. He stifled his sobs with his uninjured arm.

Would he ever be able to go back? What would they think of him?

It did not matter. It did not matter as long as Kaneki kept them safe. That was all that mattered, right? He had to do what he could. He choked back the last of his wails and wiped at his eyes with his shirt.

He had to appear strong. Strong, even though he was breaking on the inside. Aogiri had no place for weakness. It was filled only with useful and merciless criminals.

He would do what it took.

He had to go back to Aogiri. The place of his nightmares. He knew where he had to go. He knew where they would look for him. After all, they knew his history. They knew what happened to him. The problem was his team also knew of that place. Would they figure it out in time to catch him?

It was a gamble, but… he glanced down at his arm. Without a doctor there was no way he was going to survive. The chances of infection in such a wound were too great.

…

Kaneki sat on the roof. For him, it felt more disconnected from the location. He wouldn’t have to go inside and face that room. He kept imagining the tiles, the scratched walls and the bloody armrests of the chair. He knew the chair was not there anymore. No, it would just be a desolate room, dark and dingy like the rest of the damn place.

He was not there in that room. He did not have to ever go through that again. But that did not stop the memories of his own screams bouncing around in his mind. It did not stop him from cracking a knuckle in agitation, something he picked up from his past captor.

He focused on the streets below him. Given the building’s location, in just about one of the slummiest places in the city, they were not very busy. There were a few pedestrians, a number of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and even fewer vehicles. It was definitely still a hotspot for criminal activity, just like it used to be. Months – no, years – could not change that.

With Aogiri’s move from the area, individual criminals were roaming loosely in the area, unworried about the once controlling organization. In the past, Aogiri would keep the peace somewhat, as ironic as it sounded. But, there was a purpose for it. They did not want to lure the bureau into the area. If there was any criminal acting up, Aogiri would either give them a warning – which were never pleasant – or they would be silenced indefinitely.

Any individual that threatened the organization would be treated in a similar manner, usually by the discretion of the executives of the organization.

They could not have their operations jeopardized.

They stayed in the area for a number of years before moving on only a few months before, just after Kaneki was taken in by the bureau.

Kaneki grew up in the neighborhood. His mother never earned that much money, even while working her one job and illegally holding another. More than half of what she made went to Kaneki’s awful aunt and her son. Kaneki’s mother was always suffering, continuously struggling to support others while letting herself fall apart.

His aunt never cared. He did not know why she took him in after his mother passed at such a young age. He would have liked to think she felt at least a little guilty, but that was highly unlikely. She did it for the public eye, so she wouldn’t look bad. She was the type that only cared for appearances.

She never gave two shits about Kaneki. No, she despised him.

Kaneki got out as soon as he could. Only months after he moved out, did he find out how truly despicable his aunt could truly be.

Kaneki didn’t have a lot of money, not with being in school and only having a part time job. He in no way had a secure building or even any up to date software protecting him while he was at home. But it was liveable, or so Kaneki thought. That is until he was awoken by a sharp smell, passing out soon after.

When he next awoke, he was on a cold metal table, and his side hurt worse than anything he could imagine at that time. When he tried to move, he almost screamed from the jolt that ran up his side. Most terrifyingly, he had no idea what was going on. He didn’t know where he was, or why the smell of antiseptic was burning his nose. He thought he was in the hospital at the first moment, with the white walls and all. But a hospital would not have left him strapped tightly to a cot, in a dark room only illuminated by the dim light coming through the door’s window. There were no other openings in the room, not a window. Nothing at all. Not like a hospital.

A hospital definitely would have given him painkillers.

Glancing around the room, he could only make out vague outlines of various metal instruments. They were cleaned, edges gleaming in the faint light.

Panicking, he pulled on his binds, but he only succeeded in rattling them and causing the agony in his side to double in intensity. The cuffs on his wrists were metal without any padding, and while that was more painful, it was a good thing. Kaneki braced himself as he started with his left wrist, attempting to make his hand fold in and be as small as possible as he pulled. He felt blood running down and dripping onto the floor as his skin was torn, but he did not stop until his hand was free. Then, his right hand followed.

“Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out.” Kaneki murmured to himself, his voice thick. He was drugged, and was probably not meant to wake up. He almost cried out in agony when he attempted to sit up, but he stifled the sound with his fist, smearing blood across his face in the process.

He searched the room for a weapon, coming up with a couple of scalpels. It was a slow process, but Kaneki walked his way to the door, his side burning with every step. He didn’t dare look at it, but he could feel the medical bandages pull at his skin.

He exited the room, wincing when the door creaked shut behind him. He creeped down the dim hallway, the light flickering overhead. He could hear various sounds, and also what sounded like pained groaning coming from one of the rooms. His heart rate accelerated. The place was much bigger than he initially thought it was. There were numerous rooms, and it smelt like antiseptic and death.

As he turn a corner, he nearly bumped into a man. He appeared just as surprised as Kaneki did, and his cheeks were pale, his eyes surrounded by dark circles. Like Kaneki, he was dressed in a hospital gown. When Kaneki glanced down, he could see the man was holding his side. His gown was dark with blood.

The man looked like he was going to say something, but Kaneki hastily covered his mouth. The man’s eyes widened as Kaneki spoke. “We’re getting out of here.”

The man examined Kaneki, taking in the knives in his other hand. He slowly nodded and Kaneki withdrew his hand. The man fell into step behind Kaneki as he made way through the halls, searching for an exit.

To his surprise, they made it to one without running into anyone. By the time he had made it away from the building, he finally realized the man that was with him was no longer following.

Kaneki struggled down the isolated streets until he saw a phone. If he could have jumped for joy, he would have. He dialed the bureau’s number, quickly rattling off descriptions of the area he was in. Holding his side, he waited as the lady talked to him through the phone, asking him to remain calm and assuring investigators were on their way to him. She told him he was safe… she was wrong.

That was when he was brought to that room by that awful man. At a different location, one Kaneki was sure he would never be found at. That was when the true horror began, and his old life ended.

His own aunt sold him out as an easy target to the organ trade to pay off her loans. He had no other family, and no friends except for Hide. What happened to him was something he could recover from.

It haunted him.


	17. Loyalty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like! I got a lot of comments on the last chapter! !!!! Thank you so much!

Amon could not believe it. The chief said Kaneki was leaking supplies to Aogiri. He had not made the connection on the leaked supplies to that horrible organization, but the chief seemed positive. After what Aogiri did to Kaneki, Amon could have never imagined Kaneki would…

Not after what happened to him there.

When they received Kaneki’s phone call, Amon and his team was the first on the scene. By the time they arrived there, they were far too late. The phone was crushed and shattered glass was scattered about. There was blood all over the place. Through some investigation and forensics, they could almost see what happened. Kaneki was smashed into the nearby glass, the phone crushed before he could make anything other than a pained cry. He was then dragged through the shards, cutting him in various places as he was hit repeatedly. Amon was initially worried he was dead, that they would find his body in the following days. But, there was less blood than they first expected.

They waited for days, pulling apart what information they could. What Kaneki managed to tell the operator over the phone was useful. Based on the location of Kaneki’s wound, they suspected his kidney had been removed. That explained the facility he woke up in, and why he had not been killed when he was taken. Amon had hope for his survival, though not for long. The black market organ traders kept their victims alive for only as long as they were needed. Though, there was one thing that disturbed Amon greatly. Kaneki’s blood type was AB. There were not many people his organs could be transplanted into. All of Kaneki’s organs were not taken, and judging by the time of Kaneki’s initial disappearance, the transplantation occurred soon after. That meant Kaneki may have been chosen specifically for a specific transplant, and they were waiting to remove his other organs until they got a buyer.

Amon wondered how long that would take. And if after what Kaneki had done, if they would even bother waiting.

By the time they found the building Kaneki escaped from – his description was not exactly accurate, though accurate enough – it was already cleaned out. All surfaces were wiped clean, any identifiers disposed of. Aogiri took the steps they needed to ensure they could escape. But, the bureau had them on the run. And the one who took Kaneki was not as careful, and much more engrossed in his own… hobby.

That is how, nearly two weeks later, they found Kaneki. Shortly after his torturer was disposed of by the Sibyl System. The scene in that room was horrible, and Amon could hardly believe that poor, mangled man was still alive. Yet he could hear his rattled wheezing even as the room smelled of blood and death.

Amon imagined the worst, yet the report he received later was worse than he could have ever imagined. Finger and toe nails torn off, multiple deliberate lacerations and burns, dozens of broken bones, internal bleeding from blunt force trauma and resulting organ damage, and what Amon found most horrifying of all: a large centipede pulled from Kaneki’s ear.

Now, he was going back to Aogiri? Of all places? Amon would not – no – could not believe it. It was just as Nagachika said: _‘You would still stand with him, would you not? Touka would too. You know – we know – he did what he did for a reason. He wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t something serious. Despite all the evidence that points against him, you would still trust him. I know you would. And I do too.’_

Amon swallowed thickly. Something else had to be going on. Amon did not know what, but he knew he needed to talk to Kaneki to find out. His previous partner, Mado – not Akira, but her father – always told him it was not wise to trust enforcers. Perhaps Amon was making a mistake in doing so, but no matter how hard he tried, Amon could not see things otherwise.

He was worried for Kaneki and what would happen to him if he made it to the people who once let him be tortured by Oomori Yakumo. Who kidnapped him and harvested one of his organs. Who nearly killed him.

That was why Amon was seated in the chief’s office, begging him to let Amon’s team go out and help in the search. He was sure Kaneki was innocent and he was sure the Sibyl System would see the same.

…

When Amon came back into the lounge, he appeared to be much more hopeful. The chief called him in to discuss the latest information, and Tsukiyama could tell there was some good news. Tsukiyama stood in anticipation as Amon began to speak. Hide, who was in the kitchen getting a cup of the coffee Tsukiyama made, stood completely still.

“We’ve been approved to join the search for Kaneki.” Amon glanced over to Hide and smiled.

Hide sighed, leaning against the counter. “I… listened to what you said earlier. About my psycho pass. I…” Tsukiyama saw Hide’s bottom lip tremble and Amon’s stricken face.

“Hide, I –“ Amon started, but Hide shook his head.

“He didn’t tell me anything. He _never_ tells me anything. I woke up this morning and he was just _gone_.” Hide’s fingers tangled in the hem of his shirt as tears began to streak down his face. “I – I _can’t._ ”

Amon strode forward to the sobbing man, pulling him into a tight hug. “Oh, Hide.” He leaned heavily into the embrace Amon offered. “I’m sorry… I never thought…”

Hide just shook his head, stifling his sobs. “It’s fine. I think… I can…”

With Amon’s head turned, Hide’s façade fell and he shot Tsukiyama a look that was not filled with grief. It was not filled with sadness. His stare was steady, pleading, as he mouthed a few words to Tsukiyama, hoping he would understand.

Tsukiyama did.

“Amon, I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea…” Tsukiyama began. “Hide’s obviously not well right now. I can’t imagine sending him out on a mission right now, and Touka’s been in her room since we initially got the information. I would offer my services, but…” Tsukiyama looked Hide’s way with a pained expression, hoping it was convincing. “I would like to be here for my friends if I can be. Unless, I don’t have a choice but to join the mission, that is.”

“Of course you have a choice.” Amon spoke quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t consider…” He cleared his throat, and pulled away from Hide, who had not stopped sobbing. Hide’s mask slid back on and Amon patted his shoulder. “I’ll go and talk to the chief. All of you get some rest.” As Amon passed Tsukiyama, he squeezed his shoulder as well. “Take care of them.”

Tsukiyama just nodded, watching Amon as he left the room. Once the door slid shut, Tsukiyama turned to Hide questioningly. Hide wiped his cheeks free of tears, smiling softly.

“That was rather convincing,” Tsukiyama murmured. “I’m impressed.” And a little scared as well.

Hide laughed lightly, though there was hardly any humour in it. “Really? That’s good.”

“Now, would you mind telling me what that was all about? Especially considering you already roped me into your plans.” Tsukiyama raised his eyebrows and Hide sighed, but nodded.

“Admittedly, that was a whole lot of improvisation.” Hide murmured. He picked up his coffee and sat on one of the couches, gesturing for Tsukiyama to sit across from him. “I wasn’t expecting him to ask us to join the search, though I know why Amon wanted us to.”

“Because we know Kaneki better? Where he may go?” Tsukiyama asked, confused.

Hide waved a hand. “No, they must have already figured out where Kaneki would go, especially considering the direction he went in. They don’t need us for that. They want us to draw him out. They hope that he’ll see us and let his guard down. Perhaps approach one of us. Most likely me.”

“Do you think Kaneki would?” Tsukiyama asked curiously.

Hide bit his lip. “I don’t know. He seemed to have already made the decision to leave, but being near Aogiri really puts him off. It all depends on the _reason_ he left, and I don’t know that. Yet.”

“Aogiri?”

“Who else would have enough power and influence to get someone to smuggle things out from the bureau?” Hide muttered. “Who else would actually be able to put those parts to use? There is no other criminal organisation like Aogiri. There used to be.”

“But Aogiri overtook them.” Tsukiyama murmured.

Hide looked at him, startled. “Yes. Not many people know the truth. The civilians like to the think it was because of the bureau. It makes them feel safer, but yes, it was Aogiri.”

“Okay,” Tsukiyama shook his head. “I understand that much. But, Aogiri is _dangerous._ Why are we leaving Kaneki with them? Why aren’t we going after him?”

“Because between Aogiri and the bureau, Kaneki has a better chance of survival with Aogiri. It pains me to think that, but it’s true. Kaneki has a high coefficient, and the Sibyl System judged him as being disposable long ago. The people behind those guns may not hesitate. Though they care for Kaneki, have spoken to him in the past, they have been taught to follow Sibyl’s judgements without discrimination. Besides, they believe Kaneki has betrayed them. That he’s been leaking supplies and that he _stabbed_ Roma. Why would they stay their hand?” Hide was becoming agitated. “We can’t let the bureau find him. Or he’s dead.”

Tsukiyama paled. “What do you suggest we do then?”

“We wait.” Hide did not look happy about it either. “That’s all we can do right now. I’ll be digging around for information. There should be something and I’ll find it no matter what. But, as for today, we just need to trust Kaneki knows what he is doing and will survive.”

“He is a survivor.” Tsukiyama said, seeing Hide’s pained expression. Despite the fact that Hide had faith in Kaneki, he knew he was still worrying. “He’ll make it. I’m sure. After all, he has you to come back to, doesn’t he?”

Hide smiled slightly, his expression lightening. “Of course. I’ll always be there for him.”

“I’m sure Kaneki knows that. And that he also wants to return to you.”

“Thank you.” Tsukiyama was surprised when Hide stood and pulled him into a half-hug. “You’re a great person – a great friend – Tsukiyama.”

He could not help but feel guilty.

Tsukiyama awkwardly hugged him back, thoughts filling his head even given the situation. What if Hide felt Tsukiyama’s ribs when he hugged him? Realized how much thinner he was since he came to the bureau? Tsukiyama hated the way stress caused his disorder to get worse, but… it was the only thing he could control. The only aspect of him life he could regulate while everything else spiraled out of control.

“I should go check on Touka,” Hide murmured. “Make sure she’s still sleeping.”

Tsukiyama cleared his throat, carefully blinking away his tears of shame. “That would be a good idea. Do you like hot chocolate? I was thinking of making some.” Tsukiyama finally got Amon to bring cocoa and sugar that was up to his standards, and he was eager to make some.

“I love it.” Hide grinned. “Thank you. Again. For everything.”

Tsukiyama smiled. “You’re welcome.”

…

There were footsteps coming towards him.

Kaneki stood, his knees shaking in protest and he fought to keep himself upright. Collapsing would not be a good first impression, especially to a member of Aogiri. No weakness, he kept reminding himself. He could show no weakness.

Strong…

Because the weak were devoured.

They were eaten up in the world he was about to step back into.

Someone cloaked in black stepped around a corner with a scoff. He knew the overconfident gait and bluish-black hair too well.

They finally came for him.


	18. Subordinate

When Kaneki woke up, it was dark outside again. There was only a small window near the top of the room, looking out towards another building, seeming to be a warehouse of some sort. The room was dusty, everything seeming to be covered in a thin film of filth, even the thin mattress he was sleeping on. There was nothing in the room except the mattress, which Kaneki guessed had once been white.

Never the less, when Kaneki was finished being stitched and bandaged, he collapsed onto the bed, absolutely exhausted. His arm was haphazardly wrapped in gauze, the stitching clearly done by an amateur, but it seemed to be holding together okay. The pain was minute, at least to him, and it was not long after that he fell asleep, only to be wake up many hours later by a sneezing fit.

Kaneki groaned lowly, squeezing his eyes shut. The first thing he would do when he had some time was clean up the room. Ayato – Touka’s brother – said he was lucky to just get his own room and not have to share. Though, apparently that was done for Kaneki’s safety. Kaneki could imagine what a criminal would want with a former enforcer, with all the running they did from the Sibyl System, and _especially_ if they lost someone to it.

Kaneki sneezed again, scowling. But _why_ was it dirty? The rest of the hideout was rather clean. They even had showers and what seemed to use to be a pubic washroom. And where Kaneki was fixed up was as clean as it got. It smelt like a hospital, and Kaneki guessed that was usually where they dealt with the injured members of the organization.

He sat up, rolling his stiff shoulders. Agitated, he cracked his index finger, the sharp sound bringing him little comfort. The bed was cold around him. He did not even have a blanket, and he longed for Hide’s warmth beside him.

His door burst open without warning and Kaneki jumped to his feet. His hand automatically shot down to his waist for his dominator, his fingers twitching around empty space.

Ayato stared down at that hand with obvious distaste. “I don’t have wake you then. Good.” Ayato huffed, his face twisted downwards into a scowl. He was young, a few years younger than Touka, yet the way stress hardened his eyes and face made him look about the same age. The only thing that showed his true age was his lanky frame, like he had not yet grown into his height. It pained Kaneki to see a boy in a place like Aogiri. He was so young, but from what he heard from Touka, he was there at least since he was fourteen. To be there at such an age, surrounded by people like Yamori and other Aogiri associates, Kaneki could not help but worry for him.

Apparently, Kaneki remained silent for too long, because Ayato strode forward, and Kaneki was almost sure he was going to strike out at him. Instead, Ayato grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pushed him roughly towards the door.

Kaneki shook him off, meeting Ayato’s glare with one of his own.

“ _Get moving._ ” Ayato hissed. “Tatara wants to speak to you.” And get all the information Kaneki had on the bureau out of him. What would happen to him afterward? Was Kaneki actually doing the right thing? The whole plan was a gamble. If Kaneki managed to get them to trust him, he could feed the bureau information. However, if they decided to kill him after getting their information, the bureau would be in even more danger than it was before. _Hide_ would be in even more danger than _he_ was before. Did the chief actually trust Kaneki to pull it off, or was it just a last ditch effort against the organization that already had its claws inside the bureau? And if they already had someone on the inside, what could they possibly need with Kaneki?

He could not fail. He _would not._

Ayato led Kaneki to a metal door. Kaneki expected it to creak open, but instead it swung inwards soundlessly. The room was larger than Kaneki initially thought it would be. He briefly wondered if it was a warehouse before Aogiri claimed it as theirs. They must have used it for larger meetings. There was certainly enough room for a couple hundred people. There was a raised platform against the far wall, where he guessed the high-ranking executives stood while giving orders.

At that time, there was only one tall man standing in front of the platform. He was wearing a white cloak, his hair nearly as pale. A red mask covered the bottom half of his face.

“Kaneki Ken,” Tatara greeted. His voice was not particularly cold, as Kaneki anticipated. It was steady, and the only way he could describe it was… even. He spoke without even a glimmer of emotion. However, the hardness of his eyes made Kaneki know he was not a man Kaneki wanted to make an enemy of.

Shit.

Kaneki met his eyes. “Hello.”

His expression was unchanged. He glanced back at Ayato. “You are dismissed.”

Ayato exited silently, leaving Kaneki alone with Tatara. He could not help but remember the last time he was left alone with an executive of Aogiri. His muscles tensed as he fought to keep himself from shaking.

“Kaneki Ken,” Tatara repeated. “Why have you decided to come to us now?”

The question threw Kaneki off. He was expecting grilling questions about all the information he knew, but instead… “Does anyone else have the power to take down the bureau?” Kaneki was surprised by how steady his voice was. The sound of it was somehow comforting as well, and he relaxed, squaring his shoulders. “That is what you’re trying to do, isn’t it? If not...” Kaneki let the sentence hang in the air.

Kaneki felt some control come back to him. _Kaneki_ was the one with the information. _Valuable_ information. Information that Tatara would want without a doubt. He did not have to give up anything if he did not want to, and he wanted to let Tatara know that.

It was nerve-wracking to challenge Tatara in such a way, and a risk as well, but one Kaneki decided to take. There was no safe option. There was no option without risk. If he did not chances – even with the stakes as high as they were – Kaneki would get nowhere.

Tatara’s expression remained unchanged, but it was like some of the tension was drawn out of the room. “Ayato will be your superior. You will obey his orders. If you do not, he may punish you by his own accord. You will go your first mission with him in two days.” Tatara paused, but Kaneki could tell he was not done. “Kaneki Ken, it would be best for you to exceed our expectations.”

Kaneki nodded shortly. He hated it, but he could do it.

Tatara waved him off. “Rest for the remainder of the night. Eto will retrieve you when she is back in the morning. She will question you. Stay in your room, and do not wander around unless we allow you to. If you break this rule, the consequences will be severe. One of Ayato’s subordinates is waiting for you. They will walk you back.”

As the door shut behind Kaneki, the air seemed to be sucked out of his lungs. He fought the urge to gasp, and instead took a deep breath, his chin tipping down towards his chest as he exhaled.

“Don’t worry.” A kind voice said. “He has that effect on people.”

Kaneki looked up to see a mountain of a man, muscles seeming to be piled on top of muscles. The man had a strange swirly beard, his hair and eyes a warm brown. Though his skin may have once glowed, it seemed to be dulled, his cheeks slightly gaunt and with dark circles under his eyes. There were small crinkles around them and tiny lines on his forehead, indicating the stress he was under, despite that he was young enough to not have a single grey hair.

“I’m Banjou.” Kaneki could not help but automatically like him. Kaneki was worried. He should not be forming any attachments to people at Aogiri, especially considering the organization’s goals and what they did to so many people. But, something told him he might see an ally in Banjou someday. Also, he seemed as if he would be good company, and Kaneki needed at least that. He did not know what he would do if he was simply left alone to stare at a wall while being chased by his own thoughts.

Kaneki felt a smile on his face, the first since he left. He could not tell if it was natural or forced. “I’m Kaneki.”

“I know.” Banjou said, his smile still kind. “People have been talking about you.”

“And I’m guessing everything they’ve been saying has hardly been flattering.” Kaneki murmured. How on earth was he going to get these people to change their minds about him, to get them to trust him?

Banjou’s eyebrows scrunched. He looked almost… concerned. “Things can get rough here sometimes. Really rough. Are you sure you’re up to this?”

“I am.” Kaneki stated firmly. “But it’s not like I would be able to back out now.”

“That’s true.” They began to short walk to Kaneki’s room. As Banjou opened the door, Kaneki saw that he almost cringed. “Ugh. Reminds me of when I was recruited.” He shook his head. “If you need anything, let me know. I’ll do the best I can.”

“Thank you, Banjou.” Kaneki smiled again. The skin around his face felt tight and hot, his jaw sore from him clenching his teeth.

Banjou clapped a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before he turned back down the hall. “Take care.”

Kaneki nodded, even though Banjou could not see him do so. That was probably for the best, considering the type of face Kaneki was making. He could feel his mask cracking after spending the day so incredibly stressed. Kaneki shut the door quickly, praying it would not open anytime soon.

Kaneki shakily made his way to the mattress, his shoulders sagging. He wanted nothing more than to be home, with Hide, and fall asleep in his own bed. He wished he could go back, even for just a few minutes.

Kaneki closed his eyes, imagining he was back in Hide’s arms. He curled up into a ball, wishing there was something he could hug to his chest. After a few moments, Kaneki pulled off Hide’s shirt. He held it tight to his chest, his face lowered into the fabric. It still smelled like Hide. A mixture of his laundry detergent and shampoo.

Kaneki let his mind drift. He thought of the first time Hide kissed him, the way Hide’s cheeks flushed as he asked Kaneki if he could. He remembered Hide’s grin when Kaneki said yes. Then there was Hide’s soft lips against his, and the awkward way their teeth clanking together, and Hide’s laughter when their noses collided.

Kaneki thought of all the times he heard Hide’s laughter, and how he impossibly continued to grow to love it even more than he did before. It pained Kaneki to be away from him, to think about how he felt about Kaneki leaving. So, instead, he let himself think of happy times, all the smiles and kisses they shared. All the times Hide held Kaneki like he never wanted to let go, and Kaneki did not want him to either.

There was no way Kaneki would be back in Hide’s arms anytime soon. His could only hope they could reach each other again after everything was over. However, the sinking feeling in Kaneki’s stomach made him think that ideal was unlikely.

Kaneki closed his eyes. His only escape was to have a happy dream.


	19. Abandonment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is an apology for uploading so late a couple days ago

It was four years earlier, at the age of twelve that Ayato left. Maybe he had begun to deviate a couple of years earlier, but Touka never noticed. They had arguments, but then again, they always had arguments. They both had confrontational personalities, and they often clashed, especially when their opinions differentiated.

Touka and Ayato’s coefficients were always teetering around the hundred mark. Touka thought that maybe, if they tried to live a normal life, their coefficients would drop drastically. Touka wanted a normal life, to go to school, to have a career when she was older, and have friends. She wanted to be able to walk in the public and not have to hide in dark alleys. It was a struggle to get _anything_ , and to not get caught. They could not so much as go to the grocery store, and had to get their necessary supplies in unconventional ways. Then there was finding somewhere to live…

If they did not live on the streets, if they did not have to do what they did just to survive and be _free_ , then logically, their coefficients would drop and they could have the normal life they always wanted.

Or, at least the normal life _Touka_ always wanted. She did not know Ayato wanted something else, not until she brought up the plan.

He was _furious._

Ayato was convinced they would get caught, that such a plan would only serve in handing the two of them over to the bureau on a silver platter. Ayato did not want to be a part of normal society, not while the Sibyl System was put into place. He despised it, and despised the people who used it.

It was only after Ayato left that she finally understood his anger. The Sibyl System took everything from them. It took their mother, it took their father, and it took any semblance to a normal life they could have possibly had. Their father tried to provide them with a normal life, even if his coefficient was as high as it was, and that only ended with the Sibyl System claiming him. Ayato was sure if they tried the same thing, it would claim him as well.

But all Touka wanted was to live normally, like so many people did. There was nothing they could do to change the system. Even if Ayato preferred what he called ‘freedom’, Touka thought they were never truly free. Sure, they were not put into confinement, but they could not even walk on most streets, they could not enter a store of any type. They were constantly in danger, and they had to grow strong to survive. Touka wished for her coefficient to drop and to live a normal life with much more freedom than any of the alternatives. But, there was no one truly free while under the Sibyl System.

That was why Ayato left. He often spoke of destroying the system, but Touka though the effort was useless. Ayato went his way, and Touka hers.

After so many months locked up in the room, all with promises unfulfilled, Touka finally lost hope. They told her that her coefficient would lower if she followed all their instructions. Lies. All of them were lies. She remembered screaming in outrage, a light flashing in warning as her coefficient climbed. Then gas flooded her room forcing her into sleep.

She made a mistake. One she could never come back from. She would be locked in a room for the rest of her life, losing what little freedom she had. She was furious, and so tired.

When she was sixteen, she had her first visitor. An investigator from the bureau. Touka immediately disliked the man. He was incredibly condescending: the type that completely looked down on latent criminals. There were many like him out there. Touka always heard them talking, about those with inferior minds not fit for advanced society.

However, he was giving her an offer she would not refuse. The option of being an enforcer. Though the job of being an investigator was rarely taken by anyone under twenty, enforcers were as young as sixteen. She did not think it was a coincidence her birthday was only a few days earlier. Nevertheless, she accepted. It was the chance to actually do something, and a taste of the freedom she craved desperately.

She did not know what she expected. She felt like she was thrown into an entirely different world. Her life was on the line every time on a mission. Not only from criminals, but also from the investigators themselves. While her coefficient was below three-hundred, it could go up, and if she screwed up on a job or did not follow orders, the investigator could shoot her at any time. Put down as if she was a rabid dog. The same gun that could paralyze her or end her life was in her hands as well. It was her job to shoot other people, people who were just like her, just like her brother.

Sometimes, jobs were not like that. Sometimes they went easily. Other times they were not easy, but she at least knew she was saving someone’s life, or multiple people’s lives – even if it came at the cost of another. But then there were the other time. The times when someone who was obviously terrified to see the guns ran. There were those who were victims, whose coefficients rose because of the situation they were put in. Yet, she was required to pull the trigger. Or else she could be removed from her job and someone else would take her place. It was not supposed to matter who was behind the gun, she was supposed to act as a puppet of the Sibyl System, but even if it was the Sibyl Systems that labeled someone as disposable, she was the one who made the conscious choice to pull the trigger. All of the deaths that resulted weighed on her… Perhaps it was not something investigators thought about. If they felt responsible for the people they killed, what would happen to their coefficients?

She no longer tried to convince herself she was a good person. She was not. She took lives easily, to make her life better. To stay with the people she cared about. She already lost the people most important to her, and she wasn’t willing to lose anyone else. She would _never forgive_ anyone who took someone from her again.

…

Touka woke up with the worst headache she ever had in her entire life. Her eyes felt swollen and crusty from crying and the only thing she wanted more than to wash her face was stay lying in bed and _maybe_ hide under the covers for another hour. Yet, she swung her legs over the side of the bed, her legs cramped from being curled up all night. She stretched out the best she could, her bones popping unpleasantly. Getting to the washroom was somewhat difficult. For fuck sakes, she was eighteen, not eighty.

After cleaning up a bit, making a good cup of coffee, and draping a cool washcloth over the back of her neck, she felt much better. Almost good enough to leave her room and face everyone with at least _some_ dignity, especially after having none the previous night. She groaned, feeling her headache worsen. It was probably best to not let herself get caught up in the same thought process as she did before.

She got dressed in some shorts and a comfortable sweater, something Hide gave her a few months earlier as a gift.

Then, with a purposeful stride, she went to hunt him down. Tsukiyama was in the lounge, sitting by himself and reading a book. He glanced up when she entered, but quickly looked away. She guessed she was glaring without noticing again.

“Where’s Hide?” She demanded.

Tsukiyama’s delicate eyebrows lifted. “I do believe he’s in Kaneki’s room – though I guess it’s…” Tsukiyama trailed off, but Touka could follow.

It was only Hide’s room now.

“Thanks.” She said shortly.

She found Hide laying on the bed, his legs crossed as he flipped through one of Kaneki’s books. When she entered, he shot up, looking surprised.

“Did you _have_ to kick the door open?” He sighed, placing the book down on the covers.

“No. But I felt like it, so I did.” Touka crossed her arms, then promptly kicked the door back shut.

Hide’s eyebrows rose, but he said nothing.

“What is your plan?” Touka asked. “I know you wouldn’t be this calm if you didn’t have a plan, so spill. I want in.”

Hide groaned, throwing himself down on the bed. “I don’t know all that much yet.”

“Well, tell me what you _do_ know.” Touka plopped down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs like she was planning to stay for a while. Her eyes drifted around the room, over Kaneki’s books, over the clothes the men had scattered around the room and did not pick up. “You must know something.”

“As of now, I’m mostly waiting for Roma to wake up. I asked Amon if I could be there when she gives her statement, but nothing yet.”

“Why do you need to be there for her statement?”

“I think she might lie about what happened.” The words were so blunt, so decisive, that she turned quickly to look at Hide in shock.

“Why would she lie?” Touka did not like Roma and did not trust her at all, but she could not wrap her head around what Hide was implying. “Do you think she was the one leaking the supplies?”

“Could be. But that was not what I was getting at. If anything, what Roma is going to say will support the chief’s story. If she’s lying, then he is too.” Hide was glaring at the ceiling, scarily focused.

“The _chief_?” Touka stated in shock. “He wouldn’t…”

Hide’s mouth pursed. “I would think that as well. But I can’t be sure. I need to explore _everything._ ” Hide took a deep breath, his eyes sliding closed. “The night before Kaneki left he was acting really strange. I think he knew what he was going to be doing. It wasn’t a split-second decision. Just before, he said he had a meeting with the chief. I thought it was to tell Kaneki he could head back to work, and that _maybe_ he was nervous because of that.” Touka could hear the self-accusing tone in Hide’s voice. “But I didn’t really think so, I was just hoping. There was something really eating away at him.”

“Do you think the chief said something to him that made him do what he did?” Touka pressed.

“I don’t know. But I intend to find out.”

Touka sighed, scooting back further onto the bed so she sit closer to Hide. As she did, she laid a hand on Hide’s ankle. “Let me know if I can do something. I want to know what happened too, and I want Kaneki back. I don’t want to be sitting here on my ass doing nothing either.”

Hide cracked a smile. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for myself.” Touka scoffed.

“If it annoys you that much, I might just have to keep thanking you then.” Hide nudged her with his leg, laughing. She was happy to hear him lighten up a little. “Really, though. Thank you, Touka.”

“Ugh.” Touka shook her head and Hide only grinned more.

The next second, Hide lunged at her and she was nearly knocked to the floor. Hide was good at playing around, acting like there was nothing bothering him, and putting on a light-hearted façade, but Touka could tell how much he needed the hug. She wrapped her arms around him, patting his shoulder lightly.

“Everything will be okay. We’ll find him.” Touka murmured.

Hide nodded, and if Touka felt tears wet her shirt, she did not say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want me to expand on anything here. Sometimes things make sense to me, but not on paper, so if you want me to elaborate, let me know. It'll help my writing skills as well.


	20. Rat

“You need to calm down,” Touka scolded, putting a hand on Hide’s shoulder.

“I _can’t_ calm down.” Hide shook her hand of his shoulder and continued to stalk around his room, pulling at his hair.

Touka sighed. “Then at least _sit_ down. You’re making me dizzy.” She pinched the bridge of his nose, wincing. “It’s not a dead end, Hide. Just a setback.”

“I could not tell if Roma was lying or not. Everything she says and _how_ she says it checks out, but I know Kaneki wouldn’t do it. _I know Kaneki_.” Hide threw himself down on his bed, then cursed as his head nearly hit the wall.

“Okay, so let’s go over what we know.” Hide was worrying, and so was she, but at least she was keeping her head on her shoulders. “Kaneki was accused of leaking supplies with Rize. Then he allegedly – _allegedly_ – I swear Hide, don’t give me that fucking look. He allegedly stole Uta’s keys, stabbed Roma and escaped.”

“Where did Kaneki get the _knife_? Why did he suddenly decided to _flee_? Who _helped_ Kaneki? I know he wouldn’t have –“ Hide looked like he was about to get up and start pacing again.

“Okay. _Okay_.” Touka flicked Hide’s forehead and he jerked back as if he short circuited. “We know it was most likely someone in the bureau. Kaneki was rarely outside of it, and the only times he was, he was in the hospital, and all interactions there were monitored and recorded because of his criminal coefficient. We could spend hours and hours going through those tapes, but probably wouldn’t find anything. Now, where can we start with gathering information here?”

“…Itori.” Hide groaned. “If there was _anything,_ any rumour floating around, she would know it. Let’s go. Right now.”

Touka sighed. “No, we’re not going right now.”

“ _Why_?” Hide was glaring at her again, and to be quite honest, she was getting rather irritated with him.

“Because you’ve hardly slept four hours in the past three days, nor have you eaten anything. Tell me, what was the last thing you ate?” Touka raised her eyebrows and Hide said nothing. “Exactly. Now, are we eating something first, or are you going to sleep?”

“I can’t.” Hide muttered. “My stomach won’t stop turning. My head hurts. And every time I try to fall asleep, I –“

“Alright. Come on.” Touka held out her hand and Hide simply stared at it. “Are you coming or not?”

Hide sighed and grabbed her hand, letting her pull him up. He remained silent as she led him to the living room, then pushed him onto the sofa.

“ _Stay_.”

When she came back, she handed him a mug and his eyebrows rose. “Coffee? No offence, but I don’t think that’s gonna do shit for my stress.”

“It’s tea actually,” Touka grumbled. “And I’m getting tired of dealing with your shit. It you don’t start taking care of yourself, I’m going to start complaining to Amon.”

“Touka. Come _on._ You wouldn’t.” Hide glared at her.

She glared right back. “Yes, I would. And you know it. Now, drink your tea, go to sleep and for the love of god, _take a shower_.”

…

Kaneki had a rude awakening. Namely, a foot slamming into his side and kicking him off his bed. He coughed as he hit the ground, scrambling up to find his attacker. Ayato stood with his hands in his front pockets, glaring. “Get up. Eto wants to talk to you and she doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

Kaneki thought something other than kicking him awake would have been more sufficient, but he said nothing. Instead, he once again followed Ayato down the hall. They went to a different room however, so much like the one Jason had that it made Kaneki shudder. There was a chair in the center of the room as well, and Kaneki almost refused to sit as Ayato told him to.

Ayato gave him a glare before he left. Kaneki stayed seated, trying to keep his breathing steady. He crossed his legs, rubbing his ankles together as a reminder they weren’t cuffed together. He kept his arms firmly crossed, his fingers tapping against his sides, hidden safely by his forearms.

“He had you like this, didn’t he?” A voice whispered in Kaneki’s ear. “Handcuffed to a chair like this for so many days as he tortured you.” Small hands pressed against his shoulders, fingernails digging in his skin and preventing him from turning. “He tore your fingernails off, as slowly as possible, savouring your every scream. He cut your skin over and over, burned it, electrocuted it. Then.” Her fingers slid up to Kaneki’s head, pulling on his earlobes. Over the roaring of blood in his ears he could not hear what she said next, though he could guess. As her hands moved away, Kaneki’s breathing slowed. “But that wasn’t what broke you, was it? Those people he killed, if you were able to choose now, who would you have saved? Mother or child? Or would you let them both die again?”

“What do you want?” Kaneki hissed, surprised by the harshness of his own voice.

He felt her fingertips flutter against his shoulders. “I want to get to know you.”

“Why?” Kaneki asked, shifting uncomfortably.

“Why, Ken?” Her voice took a musical tone, holding dark undercurrents of wickedness, like a fallen angel’s laughter. “So I can know exactly how to _use you_.”

“Use me?” Kaneki pressed.

“Oh, please. I’m not as foolish as the rest of the drones here. They may take a while to warm up to you, but deep down they all believe what you say. That you wish to join us in our fight. After all, they have many people who are locked up by the bureau, and others have family who are enforcers. I’m sure you know of at least one… But _you._ I know you wouldn’t turn your back on the bureau. For one reason.”

Kaneki swallowed thickly as she walked in front of him, her small, childlike body wrapped in bandages under her clothing.

“ _Hide._ ” She sang the name and a shudder went all the way down Kaneki’s back. “You would never betray your Hide, would you? No, you love him too much. Childhood friends if I remember correctly – later to lovers? How romantic, like a true storybook romance. Wouldn’t it be a shame if it were turned into a tragedy?”

“ _What do you want from me?_ ”

He could tell, even through the bandages, that she was grinning. “Nothing much. I want you to do as you planned to. Feed information to the bureau. But I want you to know, you are only getting that information because I allowed it, and no matter what you do, this will be a war _I_ win. I have everything under my thumb, even that little boyfriend of yours. So know, that if I wish it, his life will end.”

Kaneki sucked in a breath, his bottom lip starting to tremble. He bit down on it roughly, hard enough to draw blood. “I understand,” he managed to get out through clenched teeth.

“Very good.” There were fingers in his hair, petting it like Hide did so many times. It felt _wrong_. His stomach rolled. “Now run along my little rat, I have work for you to do.”

Kaneki fled the room. He pumped into Banjou, who jerked back in surprise.

“Shit.” Kaneki murmured, hastily wiping the tears from his eyes. They were probably red based on how long the tear tracks on his cheeks were.

Banjou patted his shoulder. “We’ve got a mission. Ayato’s sending us to retrieve the supplies snuck out of the bureau. We have to bring them back here, into building five.” He paused. “We have about ten minutes to leave. You can spend that getting cleaned up if you want.”

Kaneki nodded his thanks and rushed off to splash cold water against his face.

Chin dripping with water, he gripped the edge of the sink, the grime from underneath the rim sticking under his fingernails. His own sickly pale face stared back at him in the mirror, eyes so dulled and empty that it was like he was looking at a stranger.

…

Tsukiyama slipped through the metal doors unnoticed. He touched his wrist lightly, feeling his malfunctioning tracking device shift under his fingertips. When he first met a member of Aogiri the night Rize was murdered, they disabled it for him with some strange device. They said it released waves that would destroy the device’s inner functioning and render it useless. They then gave him a pale sleeve that could fit around his arm, hidden under his shirt. That sleeve would relay his location to the bureau instead. The thought scared Tsukiyama. That meant Aogiri already hacked into the bureau’s system, and had all control of the information from there. Enough control to alter Tsukiyama’s profile and change which device he was tracked from.

Tsukiyama was dressed in dark clothing. Once the bureau was aware of the materials being stolen, they began running cameras twenty-four seven in the room, but their recordings were easily overwritten.

It did not make the act any less stressful or overwhelming.

He did not know what Aogiri needed dominator parts for, but they seemed rather desperate for them, taking whatever they would get. Tsukiyama gathered up parts in a bag, being as silent as possible. They clanked against each other and Tsukiyama winced. It was not like anyone heard, but he was too high strung to deal with anything else.

He snuck outside, avoiding any way he could possibly be seen on the way. As far as anyone was concerned, he was asleep in his room. At least, that’s what his ‘tracker’ said.

Tsukiyama stood by the final door leading to the outside, looking at his watch. If the door opened on time it would open in a minute. He tapped his foot nervously, his stomach giving a painful twinge. He put his hand on it, wincing. Shit, when was the last time he ate? He had not had time to make anything up to his standards in a few days, and he could not even remember snacking on anything.

The door clicked open and Tsukiyama rushed out, quickly wedging the door open with a rock. He could not leave it open for too long, or someone would notice. Throwing the bag over his shoulder, he took a second to admire the outside world.

It was not like when he stepped out of the bureau with the investigators and enforcers on missions. It was so much more free, to be able to breathe without being monitored or watched. The air felt crisper, cleaner somehow.

The sky was clouded over, storm clouds brewing as the horizon darkened. If he listened, he could hear the rumbling of thunder. He _really_ had better hurry. Aogiri would not be happy with him if the equipment got wet.

He strode down a few dark alleys, feeling the wind pick up. He squinted his eyes shut as garbage and dust wiped about. He brought up a hand to cover his face, coughing.

When the harsh wind dyed down and he opened his eyes, Tsukiyama was greeted with a sight he did not expect. He thought he would be seeing Ayato again, and one of those gas-masked thugs. Instead, he was greeted by a familiar face, white hair ruffled by the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter estimate for story: 40 chapters


	21. Loyalty

Kaneki couldn’t believe his eyes. He knew there was someone within the bureau stealing the parts, but he never expected…

“Tsukiyama?” He looked about as shocked as Kaneki, his jaw hanging half-open. “What are you…?”

“Kaneki,” Tsukiyama greeted. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.” Tsukiyama walked closer, and Kaneki could see he was slightly less put together than usual. His hair was hanging in his face and he wore no makeup, the dark circles under his eyes visible. “Are you doing okay?” It seemed like Tsukiyama was scanning him for any injuries. “I’m glad you’re safe.”

_Safe?_ Kaneki sure did not feel safe. Not _dead_ maybe. But certainly not safe.

“I didn’t expect you to join Aogiri, but I suppose you’re trying to secure a better future, aren’t you?” Tsukiyama murmured. “A life where you can live free with Hide, without worry. A world Aogiri would be able to create for you?” There was a strange tone to Tsukiyama’s voice. “I know. I understand. You want to save your family at the bureau, right?”

Kaneki slowly nodded. Yes, he certainly did want that. However…

“I have family locked up as well. My father. Everyone who is dear to me is stuck in a cell. I miss them so much.” Tsukiyama looked pained. “But Aogiri’s methods…” Tsukiyama straightened his back. “Sorry, you must be wanting to hurry back. Especially with the rain.” Tsukiyama held out the bag and Kaneki numbly took it. “I must be getting back as well.”

As Kaneki watched Tsukiyama’s back, he thought of his words, his expressions. Tsukiyama wanted to free his family, that was for sure. But he seemed to have an aversion to Aogiri. So, why was he working for them, stealing parts? Which, _Kaneki was blamed for._

“Kaneki?” Banjou was standing behind him, sounding hesitant. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kaneki assured. “I just wasn’t expecting to see someone I knew.”

“Oh.” Banjou’s eyebrows drew in. “We should be getting back before the storm hits. I’ve heard it’s going to be nasty.”

“Right.” Kaneki took one last lingering glance back, then followed Banjou back to base.

…

Tsukiyama made it back into bed safely, careful to slip the sleeve with his tracker back on and a fresh t-shirt over it. Curled up in bed, he tried to fall asleep, but found it would not come. Every time he closed his eyes he was assaulted by a memory and they flashed back open.

Was it fear keeping him awake? Or his guilt?

He never told anyone about his past before. Though it had only been a few months since his capture, he never spoke of it.

Tsukiyama’s father was a good man. Tsukiyama new that to be true. But even then, the price of harbouring those with high coefficients was illegal. Tsukiyama’s father was wealthy, owning the company that produced most of the city's simulated food. With their large mansion just outside the city, surrounded by kilometers of farmland, it was easy to hide those being chased by the bureau. The latent criminals were hired and given a home. A normal life they would have otherwise not had. And that probably would have continued for many, many years. If it wasn’t for Tsukiyama, and all his mistakes.

A couple weeks after his surgery he was still resting in bed, his abdomen incredibly sore. He walked around the most he could, though he stayed in his room, only coming out when necessary. Matsumae brought him anything he needed. He kept a strict diet then, but a healthy one. It was uncommon for him to be eating so well. With his family’s help, he was sure, at that time, that recovery was a possibility.

He was awoken in the middle of the night by shouting. There was the sound of pounding feet. The sound of so many people running. Staggering to his window, Tsukiyama could see through the dim moonlight, people running through the fields, away from the house. He was startled when his door burst open, seeing someone he barely recognize panting in his doorway. They opened their mouth, but before they could say anything, they exploded, blood and body parts splattered across the room. Across Tsukiyama. All he saw was red, and he stumbled back, falling on his ass, causing pain to shoot up his back.

The next thing he knew, a gun was being pointed at him as well, and he was told not to move. As if he could, his legs shaking as bad as they were. Next his hands were cuffed and he was pulled out into the cold of the night. He tried to not look at the different blood spots on the ground – from people who failed to escape when they ran.

He wondered who was still alive. Was his father? Matsumae?

The rest of the night went by in a blur. There were many investigators running about, talking about those who escaped. Those who did not.

And it was all Tsukiyama’s fault.

His father’s company went to the bureau and other shareholders. Everything his father built and worked towards was gone. The life Tsukiyama once knew was gone. Everyone he knew and loved. Gone. All of it was gone and Tsukiyama’s only life was in that white room, knowing they would never release him. Knowing there was nothing he could do to help his family.

That was before the job of being an enforcer was offered to him, and he was finally, _finally_ given a chance. If he played things out right, he could free himself, free his family. He was not sure how he planned to do it, but he would figure something out. Anything was better than nothing. Then, that night he found Rize dead, he was approached by Aogiri. He wanted to free his family, but never with an organization like that. But it was not like he had the choice. Not with Aogiri. No one had a choice with Aogiri. And it was Tsukiyama’s fault his family crossed paths with them.

…

Kaneki was relieved it was quiet when they returned back to base. The wind whipped about them, and a downpour started just as they stepped within the shelter of the main building. Kaneki could still hear the sound of it pounding on the roof, the sound oddly calming, reminiscent of the rainy days Kaneki would spend at Hide’s house when they were kids. Days when Kaneki could curl up with a book and be free for a little while. Hide would play his video games and invite Kaneki to play when he felt like it, knowing how important time away from the kids at school and his family was to him. Of Kaneki’s childhood, those were the happiest of his memories…

Banjou and Kaneki handed the parts off to Ayato, who took them without a word. He dismissed them with a wave of his hand. The motion irritated Kaneki, but he said nothing of It, just nodding in return and taking the silence as a good sign. With any luck, the rest of his night would be just as quiet, and he would not have to meet with Eto again.

The bureau was going to be contacting him soon, though Kaneki guessed he himself would have to put in a good effort to initiate communication. And when he did, what would he tell them? Eto told him she knew anything he would tell them. That he only knew that information because she let him. Knowing that, what would he tell them? What was Eto’s purpose in threatening him if the only information Kaneki was giving them was what she wanted him to give? Unless… there was something she did not want him to be telling them?

Kaneki sighed, massaging his temples. He had to trust his instincts. He had to tell the bureau everything. He would not let them be blindsided.

Except…

Tsukiyama.

One of his main goals was definitely finding the smuggler within the bureau. But he would not – could not – do that to Tsukiyama. He _could not_. Tsukiyama was not a bad person. He knew there had to be a reason for what he was doing, especially with that look Tsukiyama had on his face when he mentioned Aogiri. Kaneki intended to find out.

Kaneki’s head throbbed with an incoming headache, and Kaneki swore he could feel a wiggling deep inside his ear. He groaned, running a hand through his hair, wrinkling his nose when he felt how greasy it was. His shirt was sticking to his skin as well. The air was muggy and hot, and really not helping him feel any better.

He decided to take a shower, taking advantage of the late hour and having a little amount of freedom to walk around (at least he could go to the washroom without asking). The halls were dark, most lights shut off, but the lightning outside illuminating the interior just enough that he could get around. There was no one in the washroom when he entered, and he flicked on the light, happy to be alone.

The water may have been cold, but it was welcoming. He tilted his head, letting the water hit the side of his face, the sound loud in his ear, drowning out anything else Kaneki could have heard. He stayed under the stream of water even after he was finished washing up, until he was shuddering from the cold and feeling exhausted enough to fall asleep the moment he hit his mattress. He did not want to deal with nightmares.

He was just toweling off when the whole building shook and the lights went off, the thunder loud enough to make Kaneki jump. Slipping some clean clothes on (a gift Kaneki gratefully accepted from Banjou), he snuck out of the washroom, feeling a little unnerved. He was not sure why.

He felt like there were eyes watching him. No matter where he turned, he only saw darkness. He was not sure if he was still shaking from the shower, or from the feeling of being stalked and not able to do anything about it.

On the way back, Kaneki momentarily stopped outside Banjou’s door, considering waking him, seeking refuge. But… maybe Kaneki was just imagining it, and he really did not want to bother anyone so late at night.

Kaneki reached his own door, slipping inside silently and closing it behind him. Breathing out slowly, he pressed his back against the door, feeling a little safer with something in between him and whoever could have been in the hall. Maybe, he would just fall asleep like that. With his back pressed against the door as he sat. He would certainly know if someone tried to get in. Though, if Ayato came to retrieve him before he awoke, it could be a problem.

Kaneki decided to take his chances.

He slid down to the floor, allowing his eyes to close. However, the second they did, he heard something move in his room. His eyes shot open.

Then a fist drove into Kaneki’s stomach, shocking him too much for him to make a sound as he fell to the side. Another hit to the chest knocked the breath out of him, making it impossible for him to cry out as another hit struck the side of his face. And then another. And another. Kaneki choked, spitting out his own blood so was able to breathe, and he was sure one of his molars went with it.

Kaneki was partially pulled up and an arm wrapped around his throat, cutting off his air supply. Wheezing, he automatically started scratching at the arm, his blunt finger nails not catching much skin.

Someone was trying to kill him.

He was going to _die._

Kaneki’s hands fell from the arm around his throat, his arms limp and hanging down by his sides. As his eyes fluttered closed, leaving him only seeing black, and his head lolled to the side, his body became dead weight.


	22. Hope and Despair

As Kaneki’s body went limp and he closed his eyes, he felt the hold his attacker had around his throat loosen cautiously. After a few more excruciating and anxious seconds, his body was dropped and Kaneki collided painfully with the floor, but did not wince. Breathing shallowly, he opened his eyes a sliver, watching as his attacker retreated a step. His attacker was gasping, from exhilaration or exhaustion, Kaneki did not know.

Then there was a metallic click and Kaneki momentarily feared a gun, but when he saw the glint in the dim light filtering through his window, he knew it was a knife.

At least he had a better chance than if it was a gun.

He shot up suddenly, kicking out towards his attacker’s hand. His foot made contact and he heard a gasp of pain as the knife went flying across the floor. He heard his attacker curse and then they dove down for the blade, but Kaneki caught the back of their shirt and yanked them back hard enough to hear the fabric rip.

Kaneki grunted as he threw his attacker against the wall, their head hitting with a crack. They cried out, the sound shockingly loud in the silence of the room. Kaneki lunged for the knife, scooping it up in his right hand. He spun to face his attacker, but they were already gone, the door swinging shut in their absence.

Kaneki took deep breaths, trying to calm the racing of his heart. There were footsteps in the hall and Kaneki rose the knife defensively, waiting for whoever was coming.

Banjou burst in, his eyes wide. “Kaneki? Are you okay?”

Kaneki relaxed, dropping his guard. “Banjou… Yes.” He touched his neck lightly, feeling a twinge of pain. The side of his face was also throbbing dully.

“You look hurt.” Banjou’s eyes swept through the room. “Was there someone in here?”

Kaneki looked down at the knife and sighed. “It was nothing. I’m fine.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Banjou still looked concerned. “You know… my gang and I share a room. You can join us if you want. It would be safer.”

“I’m fine, really,” Kaneki attempted to assure. “It was nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“Not like you should have to handle it…” Banjou mumbled to himself, shaking his head. “Stay here. I’m grabbing something.”

Banjou came back just over five minutes later, carrying a few small bags. He held them out to Kaneki, who took them gingerly. “Ice?”

“For all your bruises.” Banjou gave him a serious look. “Your cheek is starting to swell.”

“Ah, thank you.” Kaneki took them gratefully. He immediately pressed one to his cheek, sighing.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay with us? I’m sure Ayato would allow it since it would open up more rooms.”

Kaneki shook his head. “This is something I need to handle myself.” He did not want to get Banjou involved.

Banjou still looked skeptical, but relented. “Okay. But if you ever need anything, let me know, okay?”

“Thank you, Banjou.”

As he left, Kaneki twirled the knife in his hand thoughtfully. Then, he hid it under his mattress.

…

Rude awakenings seemed to be becoming a daily occurrence for Kaneki. The rough nudge to his torso hit one of the bruises he received the previous night and he gasped in pain as he awoke.

“What the fuck happened to your face,” Ayato sneered.

Kaneki did not want to tell him that he was attacked the previous night, though he knew Ayato knew. So, he just grinned. “What are needing me for?”

Ayato glared. “Tatara wants to speak with you. You’re going another job for us tonight.”

Tatara only spoke to Kaneki briefly, giving him a time to be ready for, and also letting him know it could be a long night. Kaneki prepared himself, making sure to eat enough and hold off on the coffee until later so he would not crash in the middle of the job.

Kaneki dropped by Banjou’s room to see if he had something he could use to conceal his knife. He ended up with a few straps and a sheath that was a little too big, but it worked well enough. He strapped it to his shin, making sure his pant leg hid it well enough. He gave his leg a few shakes, making sure it stayed in place, then continued to go about his day. Not that it was much of day. Kaneki usually spent the days he was not working training in his room. On the days he had jobs, he took the day off from intensive exercising, only doing his stretching and some warming up before he set out.

He got very little money from the couple jobs he went on, only enough to get a couple of used books that he already read numerous times in the duration he was at Aogiri. And a nice blanket and pillow, which were really, really important to Kaneki because of how hard it was for him to fall asleep normally.

When the sun set, Kaneki finished his stretching.

To Kaneki’s surprise, it was Ayato who was joining him on the job. Kaneki was also expecting to be heading right out like he usually did. Instead, Ayato lead him into a room he never saw before. There was a single metal table, and Kaneki saw a very familiar object sitting on top of it.

“Go ahead, pick it up.” Ayato stood to the side and gestured to the dominator laying on the table.

Kaneki stepped forward hesitantly, sliding his fingers along the metal. He picked it up, the weight sitting comfortably in his palm. He was not expecting it to light up blue like it usually did. However, it did as it always did before. Kaneki thought the bureau would have taken him out of the system for the sake of fooling Aogiri into thinking he was no longer a part of the bureau at all. He supposed he was wrong.

“The design has been modified.” Was that what all the parts Aogiri was stealing were for? “There’s another mechanism built in. The dominator will not fire unless you press that button. Instead of the dominator automatically taking a reading when it is pointed, you need to press the button to do so. Then you may fire.”

“Understood.” Kaneki held the gun down at his side and waited for his next instructions.

Ayato nodded and lead Kaneki through a back door out of the base. He spoke as they walked. “We have a hit to do tonight.”

“A hit?” Kaneki’s eyebrows rose, hoping Ayato was not saying what Kaneki thought he was.

“We’re killing someone. Well, _you_ are.” Ayato pointed at the dominator. “Don’t worry about it. Just do what you usually do. You _can_ do that, _right_?”

Kaneki nodded quickly. He just had to do what he usually did at the bureau. Point the gun and let the Sibyl System decide.

Then why did the dominator suddenly feel so heavy in his hand?

…

Amon was spending a lot of time with Seidou since Kaneki left for Aogiri. Seidou was no longer bound to a bed, but locked in a room instead, like so many other inmates of the bureau.

Seidou spent his day stalking around the room, his white robe hanging loosely off his thin frame. He was too thin. Too often he would refuse the food that was brought to him, only accepting certain types. He rarely spoke to Amon, but when he did, he usually made no sense.

Amon still tried, but it was no use to try and get information out of him. Amon just wished to see him, and held some faint hope that someday, Seidou may be able to hold a regular conversation with him again.

Amon did most of the talking. He talked mostly about Seidou’s dog. Amon took him in and took care of him after Seidou disappeared. Amon loved him, and Seidou did as well, but when Amon spoke of him, there was hardly any reaction.

Yet, Amon kept trying.

Amon could not talk about Seidou’s family, not when they had been found dead a couple months earlier, and Amon had a sneaking suspicion Seidou knew what happened to them. However, he could never bring himself to bring it up.

Seidou walked around his room, pulling at his hair and muttering to himself. His lips were chapped and scabbed from him constantly chewing them. He also chewed on his nails and fingertips, causing them to be constantly bandaged.

Amon sat in a chair, facing the window to Seidou’s cell. He spent the last hour telling Seidou the latest update on his dog and how he was doing. Seidou stopped pacing, but faced the side wall and did not look at Amon once.

Sometimes, it felt hopeless. Sometimes, it did not. Sometimes, Seidou might say something back

“You’re upset.” Amon almost did not recognize Seidou’s voice. It was harsh, like his vocal cords were permanently damaged from… something. “Why?”

“Why?” Amon echoed, his eyebrows pinching.

Seidou nodded, his attention turning back to the wall.

Amon sighed, considering. “One of my enforcers, Kaneki, has been leaking supplies to Aogiri and has recently fled the bureau, injuring another enforcer gravely.”

“The dominator supplies.” Seidou murmured to himself.

“You know of them?” Amon stared at Seidou, but he remained impassive. “Do you know why they’re taking them?”

Seidou shook his head quickly. “I can’t say anymore. I can’t say anymore. I can’t…” Seidou continued on, talking to himself and Amon sighed.

“It’s okay.” Seidou did not seem to hear him.

Amon settled his elbows on his knees and dropped his head, staring at the white tiled floor. He could hear the soft padding of Seidou’s bare feet against the floor as he started pacing again. Amon tapped his own foot in time. He would start his questions again when Seidou relaxed.

It was getting late and Amon’s eyes felt bleary. He knew there was a hidden truth behind Kaneki’s actions. He was questioning his once blind faith to the bureau. And yet… was Nagachika as well? Yes, there was no way Nagachika believed in the bureau over Kaneki. But how much did Amon trust in Nagachika? He may have been all grins and light-hearted jokes, but Nagachika’s coefficient let Amon know he could be a danger. Amon was always told to not put any trust in enforcers, that they would always stab an investigator in the back given the chance. Sometimes literally.

But, if there was one thing Amon knew about Nagachika, it was that he loved Kaneki. Nagachika never would have let Kaneki head back to Aogiri without a fight. There was no way Nagachika was not searching for answers. Would it be wrong for Amon to help him?

What was the right course of action? What was the right thing to do? Would it be right for Amon to keep his trust in the bureau, or should he tear open a case he knew was not solved? He knew he could not do the latter with the bureau’s knowledge.

He had to do what was _right_ , even if it involved unconventional methods.

Amon felt some tension drain out of him. He would figure it out. He had access to things only investigators had access to, and Nagachika knew Kaneki the best out of anyone. If they worked together…

Amon lifted his head, surprised to find Seidou staring at him with a critical expression. It was a look Seidou never gave to him before: something that was mix between anger and deep despair. Seidou looked away and sat on the edge of his bed, wrapping his arms around his skinny legs and pulling them close to chest. With his eyes closed and his head resting on his knees, Amon almost did not hear Seidou’s voice.

“You can’t beat what you’re up against.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going on a short hiatus. Just a month/month and a half. Up to this point I had everything planned out, but now I have to decide what order I want the next half of the story to be told in, and I also have to finish up a few other projects as well.


	23. Questions and No Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gone for longer than intended, but I'm hoping to update on a weekly basis now! (Hoping!)

Heart racing, Kaneki followed Ayato through the back alleyways of the city. Every time Kaneki saw someone or a device that belonged to the bureau, Kaneki’s stomach twisted. Ayato seemed unperturbed, striding ahead with purpose and confidence. Either he was faking or he had traveled like this countless time. Based on Touka’s stories of the time they lived on the streets, Kaneki believed it to be the latter.

Kaneki rarely asked questions. When he did, they were rarely answered anyway, and Kaneki could tell Ayato did not like him asking them. Resigned to his fate, Kaneki trailed a few feet behind Ayato silently. They were approached a dark building, the only light emerging through a window partially boarded up. The building was run down, one wall looking like it was on the brink of collapsing. Ayato went inside, gesturing for Kaneki to follow him.

Entering, Kaneki swallowed thickly. In the centre of the room they walked into, there was a man strapped into a chair, a blindfold over his eyes. Kaneki could not tell if he was conscious of not, the blindfold partially stained with blood and some of it running down the man’s neck and staining his shirt.

“Kill him.” Ayato said, his sharp voice cutting through the painful silence.

Kaneki sucked in a breath, his dominator feeling cold and heavy against his thigh. He stared at the man, his fingers twitching.

Just like he was on a job back at the bureau.

That’s all he had to think. He would point the dominator. It would take a reading and he would shoot. Sibyl would decide the man’s fate.

However, Kaneki only ever shot it he had to. If his friends were in danger or if there was a large possibility the criminal would escape and hurt others. This man in front of him was most likely not even conscious and not in any condition to run away.

But he was still a criminal, was he not? Some people in the bureau were not like Kaneki. They would shoot much more often, they would shoot people Kaneki thought did not need to be killed. But, it was still the Sibyl System deciding people’s fate. It was not Kaneki.

Even if he was the one to pull the trigger.

Thinking this, he lifted the gun.

Even while knowing what he was attempting to convince himself of was not true.

He remember what Ayato told him, pushing the button so the dominator would take the reading of the criminal.

Four hundred – fourteen.

Kaneki closed his eyes, his finger hovering over the trigger. All it would take was one movement, one movement and the man would die, based on his decision to follow the Sibyl System’s decision.

Kaneki pulled the trigger.

He could hardly hear anything other than his heart beating, but distantly, he felt something wet splash against his cheek.

For what purpose did that man die? Why did Aogiri decide they wanted him to be dead? What happened for Aogiri to inflict their wrath upon him?

Kaneki lowered his arm, dropping the gun to his side, his fingers still curled tightly around the metal.

“Let’s get going.” Ayato said stiffly behind him, his voice fading like he was already leaving the bloodbath Kaneki turned the room into. Fingers shaking, Kaneki forced himself to turn around, looking at the blood splatter on the floor as he walked away, and never glancing back.

…

“ _Itoriiii!_ ” Hide launched himself at the woman.

“Hide!” Itori caught him in a hug and spun him around, her heels giving her a lot of height over him. “How have you been?”

“I’m sure you already know.”

Hide stared up at the woman. She was beautiful. Incredibly so, and she knew it. Hide read up on her history when he first arrived at the bureau. She unnerved him, and he had to find out why. Turns out, she was an intelligence gatherer for multiple criminal organizations. The extent of her ties to the underworld were unknown, but Hide knew she was in deep.

Itori gathered her information in numerous ways. Itori used her attractive appearance to her advantage, but that was not her only asset. There was a reason why Itori worked in the analysis department. She was skilled with technology, and psychology as well.

Hide could practically feel Itori picking at his brain.

“So, I have.” Itori sat back, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. “Ken’s run away.” She smiled and relaxed.

She looked relaxed and easy to talk to, but Hide knew better. Those who thought like that would only be used by her. Navigating a conversation with Itori was like navigating a minefield.

Hide was the one who had to control the direction of the conversation. He could not let anything extra slip – who knows where that information would end up. As long as he did that, it was a simple exchange.

Simple… right.

“That’s exactly what I – what _we_ – came to talk about.” Hide glanced at Touka who was standing to his left, every bit as involved as he was. Neither of them were going to let anything get past them. And they would do what they had to. They needed to find out where Kaneki was, why he left, and how to contact him.

“Ooooh ~ business.” As if Itori did not already know it. “I’m listening, Hideyoshi.”

“We have to talk terms first.” Hide sat in one of the empty desk chairs beside Itori and crossed his arms. “First of all, do you have any information to give us?”

“I always have information.” Itori’s eyes flashed dangerously, but melted back into her usual sultry stare. “And it’s worth your while. But are _you_ , worth _mine_?”

“Of course,” Hide answered. Itori was playing, and Hide already knew he would not get a fair deal. Itori knew Hide was desperate, and that she was the fast track to finding the information he needed. And Itori also knew Hide was not all that patient. Not when it came to Kaneki’s safety.

“Then you need to follow my terms.” Itori stated, her voice low.

Hide held out his hands defensively with a grin. “All right, all right. But you need to tell me what you want to know first.” And he knew there was _definitely_ something Itori wanted to know. If she did not, Hide never would have made it so far.

Itori hummed and smiled. “Oh, Hide, it’s not what I want to know, but what I want you to _do._ ”

“To _do_?” Hide never expected her to ask him to do something. Itori dealt with information, and yet…

“In a week’s time, I want you to take the reading of Amon Koutarou’s psycho pass.” Itori purred. “If you do that, I’ll give you the information you desire.”

“Is that it?” Hide asked, his eyebrows pinched.

Itori nodded. “Now, Hideyoshi. I know what it is you desire, but how you plan to do it?”

“Can you tell me why Kaneki escaped?” Hide pressed, his heart pounding anxiously in his chest.

“Why, yes.” Itori smiled – not at all kind. “I can tell you that.” Itori held up a hand. “But _only_ after you do what I requested of _you_.”

“Deal.” Hide barely managed to keep himself from glowering as he and Touka left the room.

“I don’t like it,” Touka murmured. “I feel like we’re being played.”

“Aren’t we always?” Hide shook his head. “Itori’s information is good. We just have to do what she says and we’ll get what we want.”

…

Seidou’s words rang in Amon’s ears _. “You can’t beat what you’re up against.”_

Amon shook his head, trying to clear it. He attempted to get more information out of Seidou, but he just went back to staring at the wall. Seidou had so much information, but Amon had no means of getting it.

That just meant he would have to search in other places. Things had been strange at the bureau in the past few months, to put it lightly. Akira and Seidou went missing. Dominator parts were being stolen by someone within the bureau. Rize was murdered. Kaneki fled and stabbed another enforcer.

It was unlikely that _none_ of those things were connected. Especially with how Kaneki hurting another person while unprovoked went against everything Amon knew about him.

The first place he was able to search was within the bureau itself. There had to be some type of record of what happened to clue Amon into what was actually happening.

Amon would have started from the beginning if he did not already research everything he could possibly research about Akira and Seidou’s case. Before Akira disappeared she was quiet, and more reserved than usual. Amon did not know what it was about then, and he still did not.

Next, was the dominator thief. From what Amon understood, when the parts started going missing, enforcers were kept on a tighter leash, their whereabouts constantly monitored by the trackers implanted in their arms. Which meant it was either someone without a criminal coefficient in the compound stealing the parts, or one of the enforcers found a way to remove their tracker from their arm.

The latter was more likely. There was no way someone’s coefficient would not raise if they were stealing from the bureau. But to remove the tracker, the enforcer would have to cut it out themselves or have it professionally removed.

Kaneki was suspected to be stealing the dominator parts and giving them to Aogiri, but Amon knew enough to figure out parts were still going missing. So either it was not Kaneki or they found another rat to slip them supplies. That could be a likely possibility considering Kaneki was incapacitated for many months.

Either way, Amon needed to get that information and see what it could reveal.

There was more to what was going on and Kaneki was the key to everything.

Amon headed to the lounge area where Touka, Hide and Tsukiyama hung around. They were usually there at that time, but to his surprise, there was no one there.

Amon heard voices from the hall. He could not catch much of what was said, though he did hear Kaneki’s name. Moments later, Hide and Touka stepped around the corner, looking rather shocked to see him. Both of them looked a little pale, Hide especially.

Amon’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. He was almost tempted to ask Hide for his help and his insight, but he did not want to burden him anymore than he already was. Hide was incredibly broken up from Kaneki’s disappearance, and Amon was worried if Hide got his hopes up and Amon turned out to be _wrong_ , then…

“Nagachika,” Amon tried for what he thought was a reassuring smile. “Have you been eating well lately?”

Hide blinked, then managed a quick smile in return as he scratched at his cheek. “Ah, that’s right. I forgot today.”

Touka made a low noise in her through. “I told you to take care of yourself.” She shot Hide a glare and Amon saw him wince.

“I’ll treat us to dinner then.” Amon knew Hide had interest in American food. Should he get them some burgers? Not the simulated type. The real deal.

“Ah –“ Hide held up his hands hastily. “You really don’t have to –“

“I want to.” Amon decided.

Hide nodded slowly. “Okay,” he acceded.

Where was Tsukiyama, Amon wondered. He was usually reading a book and drinking coffee, but Amon realized he had not seen the man around frequently for quite some time. Amon knew Hide was not the only one who was hurt by Kaneki leaving, but he never considered how hard Tsukiyama would be hurt from the loss.

Indeed, Tsukiyama and Kaneki became quick friends with their shared interests, and he was probably rather lost. Hide and Touka knew each other for a long time and were there for each other.

But Tsukiyama…

Amon supposed he should check up on him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been working on this chapter for weeks and I'm still not happy with it. Smh


	24. To Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this is really late. I'm sorry.

When they got back to the Aogiri hideout, the sun was starting to rise. Kaneki snuck away to shower, feeling like his throat was closing up. He let the hot water wash the blood of his skin, something he had done numerous times while at the bureau.

But Hide would always be there for him, would always wrap his arms around him and help him recover after a hard mission. Hide would clean the blood out of his hair so he would not have to see the blood run from it, and he would talk gently to him so he did not have to focus on anything other than his voice.

Kaneki’s eyes stung and he hastily splashed his face with water, turning after the tap soon after. He could not spend too much time thinking. If he did, he would not be able to survive.

With his kill, his _pledge_ to Aogiri, he was allowed to roam the base a little. Though his movements were still restricted, he was allowed a lot more space to do what he wanted – to go _where_ he wanted.

He supposed it was time to meet with Roma. She was supposed to get into contact with him, but he had yet to hear anything. He supposed they would have a difficult time reaching him from within the Aogiri base, so he would have to give her a chance to make contact.

With the sun’s light just barely brightening the forest around the base, Kaneki set out. There were still few people who were awake, and it would be a perfect opportunity. However, as he made his way through the base, he could not help but feel like there were eyes on him the whole time. He was paranoid, though rightfully so. Eto knew exactly what he was up to, and though she seemed to want him to continue with the bureau’s plan, it made him all the more uncomfortable.

It was eerie stepping out into the forest.

It was strange. The world around him was unchanged even if Kaneki’s seemed like it had been flipped upside down.

Kaneki sighed, sitting himself down on the grass. He laid his hands down on it, feeling its texture. He could feel the light breeze through his hair, and he let the outdoor air fill his lungs, tasting so sweet after spending so much time inside the dusty old base.

“About time,” Kaneki opened his eyes and saw Roma hanging upside down from a tree, her shirt riding up and showing the bandages on her torso from where she stabbed herself. “I thought they were never going let you out by yourself.”

“I have information to report.” Kaneki murmured. He did not want to waste time talking about nothing. He wanted to get his job done and finish everything as soon as possible so he could see Hide again. Then, they could have a long talk. Kaneki could explain everything and they could go back to the way they were.

“Go on.” Kaneki did not know if Roma was even listening, as disinterested as she seemed. “What is it?”

“Aogiri is manufacturing working dominators. I fired and killed with last night. The dominator is slightly altered, but still appears to function similarly. The only difference is the addition of a ‘safety’. There is a button that needs to be pressed before the dominator takes a reading.”

Roma hummed. “That’s logical. With so many latent criminals around, you wouldn’t want the dominator going off all the time. There’s also an increased chance it could accidentally fire with being activated so often.”

Roma jumped down to the ground, tapping her wrist watch. “Since you’ve used it, I’ll have Uta check if the Sibyl System shows you registering when using the dominator. I’ll let you know our findings the next time we meet. Is there anything else?”

Kaneki took a deep breath. He wanted to tell her that Eto knew of their plan, that there was something more behind _everything_ , but… “No.”

Kaneki had no idea who Aogiri had under their thumb. Hell, Roma could even be a spy. He had to find out more before he did anything. If he messed up, then there was always the possibility that… that Hide…

Kaneki would not let that happen. He would not let Eto ruin his life, not when he was just starting to get it all back together. He would not let her take what little he had away from him. He _had_ to search for answers. He was allowed more free reign in the base? He would sure as hell use it.

…

Amon went over his papers, not sure how to feel about his findings.

He was _sure_ Kaneki was not leaking dominator parts. There was no slowing of the parts going missing when he ended up in the hospital for all those months. However, there was a time it slowed, and that was shortly after Rize’s death. Amon stared at the dates of numerous robberies, being done while Rize was dead and Kaneki was in no shape to sneak around. After Rize died, someone else was picked to leak the supplies. This was supported by there being no slowing of parts going missing in the time Kaneki disappeared.

Either Amon was right, or… there were more than two people leaking the parts. Amon considered it, but dismissed it as unlikely. If too many people knew about the operations, then they were more likely to be found out. If anything, the people who were doing this were cautious, having not been found out for too long.

Amon packed up his work, but he was at a loss with what to do with it. All he was able to find out was that it was _unlikely_ that Kaneki was the one leaking the supplies. It was enough for Amon, but unlikely to be enough for other people who were already convinced Kaneki was guilty. He needed more, and he had no idea where to get it.

There were so many open ends to this case, but Amon felt like he could not grasp a single one of them. He needed to find Kaneki. He needed to find Akira. Nobody else to could truly reveal the truth expect for those two. Perhaps, given enough time, Seidou could, but he did not seem like he was going to start talking anytime soon.

Amon wanted to desperately question the Chief, yet something inside him was telling him not to. That it was too dangerous. But, he had to share it with someone.

Which was why he stood outside of Hide’s door late at night, wondering whether or not he was still awake, wondering whether or not Hide would actually want to talk to him – to talk _about_ Kaneki. He was worried he was pulling at open wounds, but if Amon thought Kaneki was innocent, then Hide at least needed to know that. He needed to know there was a chance – even though Amon suspected Hide knew there was, even if he acted like he thought there was not.

Amon knocked quietly. If Hide was up, he would hear it. If not, then it should not have woken him up.

A few seconds later, the door cracked open. Amon saw a single tired, brown eye before the door opened fully, revealing Hide in rumpled clothing and messy hair.

“Did I wake you up?” Amon asked, feeling a little guilty. Maybe he _had_ knocked too loud.

Hide shook his head. “No, I just look like shit. Come in.” Hide stepped aside to let Amon into the room, allowing him to see what an utter mess it was. Hide was usually pretty tidy, but Amon had seen him like this a few times when he got very interested in a case.

Hide scrambled around, throwing dirty laundry into a hamper. “Sorry, my room looks like shit too.”

Amon made a note of the numerous coffee mugs sitting on Hide’s desk and decided to help him clean up a little in the morning.

“So, what are you here for?” Hide leaned back against his desk, the bright light of the lamp illuminating the dark circles under his eyes more than before.

“I’ve been researching who was taking the dominator parts. I know the reports said it was Kaneki, but I could never truly bring myself to believe it,” Amon admitted. “So, I pulled up some files.”

Amon held out a note with the summary of what he found on it. Hide stared at the paper for a few moments before he took it and read what it said. His expression did not change as he did so. “So, what are you going to do with this information?”

“I’m not sure.” Amon muttered. “I don’t know where to go from here. I’ll keep digging around, but what we really need is to find Kaneki –“ Or Akira, Amon mentally added. “ –and figure out what actually happened.”

Hide nodded, taking another glance at the notes.

“What I really came here to say, is that I’m on your side.” Amon continued.

Hide blinked up at him, surprise across his face, his eyes wide and his mouth almost hanging open.

“Hide, I don’t know if we can trust the bureau. Something’s wrong. They aren’t telling us something.” Amon grit his teeth together. How could an organisation, _an organisation that practically ran society_ , keep secrets from the very people working in it? The bureau was supposed to be all about law and justice, but what kind of justice condemned innocent people who never did any wrong?

“Amon… you really need to be careful.” Hide’s face was contorted into a painful expression. “That type of thinking will get you in trouble.”

“I know.” Amon stated. “I don’t care. What I care about most is that the right thing is done.”

“The right thing…” Hide trailed off, looking at the ground. “Thank you for your time and the information, Amon!” Hide chirped, almost sounding like his old self. “I’ll be sure to get lots of sleep tonight, so please don’t worry about _me,_ okay?”

Amon nodded. “Please sleep well, Hideyoshi.”

…

Kaneki waited until night to walk the halls of the compound again. By the time he got back after meeting with Roma, there were too many people around to notice if he was out of place.

Throughout the day, he noticed people were less cautious of him. They did not speak to him, but it did not feel like there was someone standing with a knife to his back twenty-four hours a day, so that was an improvement on his earlier predicament.

Kaneki walked around silently, not sure exactly what he was looking for, but convinced he would find something. The whole time he was at the compound, he noticed no cameras. He hoped there were actually none, and not that he just was not seeing them. If the later was the case, then he would definitely be in trouble.

Kaneki checked every room he could, every corner, staying away from the living quarters the entire time. He did not want to accidentally stumble into someone’s room. Most doors were unlocked, and it was easy to take a peek inside.

However, Kaneki came across a thick metal door, locked. He frowned and tried the knob again.

He silently thanked Hide for teaching him how to pick a lock when he pulled two small wires from his pocket. He was not nearly as good at it as Hide was, but he still managed, opening the door in about half an hour of work.

The door swung open, revealing a small room. In it, there were two barred cells. The one on the left was empty. However, the one on the right…

A petite woman in ragged clothing and blonde hair sat with her knees pulled to her chest. Kaneki recognized her as she glanced up, even though her face was bruised and dirty.

Kaneki sucked in a sharp breath as her eyes met his. “Akira?”


	25. Runaways

“Akira?” Kaneki rushed over to the bars of the enclosure. “What are you doing here?”

Akira’s dry and cracked lips moved, but Kaneki could not hear her answer.

“I’m going to get you out of here, just –“ There were the faint sound of voices coming their way. “Just give me a little more time. I’ll come back for you, I swear. I’ll get you out of here.”

Kaneki slipped out of the room, sure to lock the door handle before he left. As he backed out of the hallway, he peeked around the corner, immediately ducking back when he saw moving shadows against the wall. He could not risk trying to see what was going on.

Kaneki rushed back to his own room, collapsing in his bed. He was not able to sleep that night. He knew what happened to Seidou, and though it seemed Akira was not in as bad shape as he was, Kaneki could not be sure. He needed to talk to her. He needed to know why Aogiri was keeping her.

When Kaneki’s door opened early in the morning, he stood, greeting Ayato with a nod. “What’s the mission?”

“We’re tracking runaways. They’ve escaped outside the city. We need to track them down.” Ayato handed Kaneki a dominator. “Shoot what you see.”

Kaneki was getting used to avoiding the bureau’s eyes on the streets, the cameras, the mechanisms, all of it. It was something he never imagined himself doing, not in a thousand years. When he was younger, he always followed the rules, and even after the incident with Jason, he believed going to the bureau was the right thing, that they could help him.

And where had that gotten him? Where had that gotten Hide?

Kaneki hated Aogiri, but at the same time, he could never hate everyone there. He could not hate Banjou, who always seemed to be trying his best, who _seemed_ like a good person. He could not hate Ayato, who was just a child being controlled by evil people. What would the bureau do to them when they took down Aogiri? Would they lock them up? Would they kill them?

Kaneki and Ayato came to the edge of the city, seeing the fields extend beyond.

“Tatara said they headed this way.” Ayato trekked along the edge of the field. “Search for any sign that they might have come through here.”

Ayato headed off and Kaneki went in the opposite direction, seeing if any of the crop was pushed down or damaged. Considering the ground was dry due to infrequent rains, there was a small chance he could find a footprint and determine the approximate size of the person he was tracking.

Kaneki walked along the crop, still not seeing anything. He was considering heading back in Ayato’s direction and checking with him when he came across a trail going through the field. It could have been created by an animal, but it was unlikely for them to travel so close to the city.

Kaneki walked in a bit, looking for anything that could have been created by a human, when he found what appeared to be the heel of a shoeprint. Kaneki bent to get a better look, moving small pieces of grass and weeds so he could see more clearly. Sure enough, he could make out the indentations and patterns of something that could only be made by humans. And it was made recently too.

Kaneki stepped out of the field and quickly took in his surroundings, then went to find Ayato. Once he did, they tracked together, following the path further in. They lost it occasionally, but always managed to find it again.

The sun was rising high in the sky, but they kept searching, Ayato wanting to catch them before they got too far and they lost the trail entirely. After all, they were not professional trackers.

Suddenly, Ayato held up a hand, gesturing for Kaneki to be quiet. If Kaneki listened close enough, he could hear the sound of something moving through the crop. They could follow, but the only problem was whatever was there would hear them too.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, Kaneki headed towards the sound, drawing his dominator. He stalked forward, the crop brushing against him softly as he continued through it. He kept his eyes and his ears open, listening to the sounds both he and his prey were making, and also keeping an eye out in case he caught sight of something.

There was a curse, a voice that was not Ayato’s, and both of them took off towards the source, who began running through the crop, heavy footfalls heading away from them. Ayato was fast and Kaneki was just a little ahead of him. The person who they were chasing was much larger, and much slower than they were.

Kaneki took out his dominator and took aim. He pressed the safety button and took a reading of the person they were chasing.

Three-hundred-fifteen.

Kaneki’s finger hovered over the trigger, then gently squeezed down as he kept his aim steady.

The man turned and Kaneki caught a sight of his face, his eyes widening. As the dominator went off, Kaneki met Banjou’s eyes.

The shot went wide as Kaneki desperately twisted his wrist to fire anywhere than at Banjou. It cut through the field, searing through the crops, lighting the tips of them on fire. Behind him, Kaneki heard Ayato curse.

As Ayato went to pass Kaneki, he caught his arm.

“Let go of me,” Ayato snarled, attempting to jerk his arm away from Kaneki’s grasp.

Kaneki just held on tighter. “We have to get out of here.” The fire was spreading. “This whole place might light up. Do you want to be caught in the middle of that?”

Ayato huffed and strode away from the fire, pulling his arm free.

“Not, to mention, it will probably bring the authorities as well…” Kaneki muttered, staring in the direction Banjou ran off.

“Yeah, I fucking get it.” Ayato snapped. “We’re heading around the field. We’re not letting them get away.”

Kaneki sighed and nodded, knowing he could not argue with Ayato any further. Maybe he would not be able to stop Ayato, but at the very least, he could slow him down or misdirect him. Kaneki had every intention of letting Banjou go, and whoever he escaped with as well.

Kaneki kept silent as they ran along the edge of the field, the fire growing larger and larger out of the corner of Kaneki’s eye. Kaneki suspected Banjou was acting as a diversion, and buying his allies time to escape. Kaneki kept this to himself, hoping Ayato would not notice any time soon and would simply be focused on the goal ahead of him.

…

Hide was half way through eating his breakfast when Amon came bursting through the doors.

“We have a fire outside the city. We need to go investigate.” Amon rubbed his cheek, the exhaustion clear in his eyes.

Hide hummed. “Why do we need to investigate?”

“The fire is suspected to be human made. We need to determine if it’s an arson case.” Amon glanced around the room. “Where’s Kirishima?”

“Probably in her room. I’ll go grab her.”

Missions outside the city were rare. Rare and very boring. Hide would have rather not gone, but Amon was adamant about getting him back in the field, so he was stuck beside Touka as they went over the bumpy road.

When they finally reached their destination, Hide whistled. “Damn.” The field was still on fire, water spouting from numerous trucks as groups of people attempted to bring the fire under control.

“So examining the field is out of the question, huh?” Touka squinted her eyes as she scanned the area.

“Yes.” Amon said. “It’s unlikely we’ll find anything, but we’re checking it out anyway.”

“Amon,” Hide began. “Do you have a map of the area?”

“Yes. Give me a second and I’ll pull it up.” Amon tapped his watch a few times, then Hide leaned forward to examine the map.

Hide bit his lip. “To the east, factories. To the north and west, more fields. So the only easily accessible side is this one, correct?”

“Yes.” Amon answered, his eyebrows pinching. “Why?”

“Just an idea.” Hide rubbed his chin. “We should track along the whole length of this side and search for any entrance or exit paths. Then we can have an idea where the arsonist left and if they had a car waiting to pick them up.”

It took them almost half an hour to walk along the whole length of the field, but in the end, they did have a finding. A single one.

And that was the problem.

“There’s two separate entrance paths, but no exit ones?” Hide bent to examine the pushed down crop more closely, frowning as he did so.

“Did they trace back over their steps?” Touka crouched down beside him, pushing her bangs behind her ear so she could see better.

“No, that’s what I thought, but there’s no sign of it.” Hide pushed up to his feet and faced Amon. “We should follow the tracks. If they didn’t have someone to pick them up on the road, it’s likely they’re still in the area. Since they’re heading in the direction of other fields, it’s possible they could light those on fire too.”

“We should hurry then.” Amon nodded to Hide, a compliment for work well done. “How many people do you think there are?”

“At least two.” Hide stared at the paths. “Probably about Touka or I’s size.”

“Touka, would you take point?” Out of the three of them, Touka had the fastest reflexes and the sharpest senses. If anything happened, Touka would be the first to notice and the first to react. If the trail was more difficult to follow, Hide would have taken lead, but it did not look like the arsonists were trying to cover their tracks. As a matter of fact, it looked like they were in a hurry.

They had at least a good thirty minute head start. Hide hoped they could catch them.

Touka ran, Amon keeping her pace, but leaving Hide struggling to keep up. Though Kaneki pushing him to do some cardio with him for the past year did help a little, he was still exhausted by the time they covered a kilometer. Hide continued to scan the area as sweat trickled down his face. Now there were not two trails, but only one. The two met up with a wider one, signalling a third person. Before Hide could say anything, Touka looked over her shoulder and nodded to him.

Hide tried to ignore the fact that she was barely sweating and looking like she was putting in hardly any effort as well. Hide huffed and stripped off his coat, tossing it to the side.

When they came to the next field, there thankfully was not any smoke or any sign on fire. But when they came to the edge of the property, Hide saw the trails had once again split up. The large trail was in the centre, and the other two to either side. Something felt wrong.

“Hold up.” Hide called.

“What is it?” Touka asked, running her fingers through her hair.

Hide shook his head. “I don’t know. Something’s weird. I can’t place my finger on it.”

Touka opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a sharp grunt of pain deep into the field.

“Shit.” Hide pulled out his dominator and charged forward, Touka and Amon following after.

“Spread out a few meters and keep your eyes open,” Amon ordered.

“Got it!” Hide followed one of the smaller trails, practically sprinting. He could still hear the sounds of a struggle even through the blood pounding in his ears.

He was so focused he nearly collided with someone sprinting through the crop to his right. Hide swore and took aim with his dominator, his heart pounding as he saw it form into the lethal eliminator mode.

Hide stared down his barrel at the person he was taking aim at and found himself facing a dominator also ready to fire and kill.


	26. Home

Hide felt like his breath was knocked out of him when he met those grey eyes.

“Kaneki?” Hide lowered his dominator. “What’s going on? Why are you –“

Hide gasped as the front of his shirt was grabbed and he was pulled into a desperate kiss, feeling Kaneki’s hands shake as he pulled Hide close to him. Hide brushed his hands along Kaneki’s cheeks, wiping away the tears he already knew were there.

Kaneki jerked back and Hide heard a sob. “I’m sorry.”

Then he was gone.

“That’s really unfair, Ken.” Hide murmured to himself. “Damn it.” He ran his hands through his hair and tried to steady himself. Despite everything, he had a mission to do. And more importantly, it had to do with Kaneki.

Did that mean he was one of the arsonists?

…

Kaneki’s heart ached as he fled from Hide’s direction, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to pull Hide into his arms, to hold him tight and never let go, but _he could not_. Not while Banjou was in danger and Kaneki was the only one who could possibly secure his escape.

Kaneki rushed towards the sounds of struggle, trying to figure out what he could possibly do to stop their fight. Banjou was big, but Ayato had a notorious reputation at Aogiri for being an excellent fighter and taking down those much older and larger than him with ease.

Kaneki hurried forward with his dominator drawn.

Ayato was roughly unscathed, a sneer on his face as he stared down Banjou, who was bleeding from multiple locations on his face. Either of them had yet to notice Kaneki as he stepped forward, pointing the dominator directly at Ayato’s back.

Kaneki clenched his teeth as he saw the dominator once again lock into lethal eliminator mode. He could not fire without killing or greatly wounding Ayato, but if he interfered, he risked blowing his cover at Aogiri.

“You’re a real asshole sometimes. You know that, right?” Kaneki went stiff as he heard Hide’s voice behind him, and then the sound of a dominator firing.

Ayato collapsed to the ground, a tranquilizer stuck in his arm. Banjou caught him as he fell forward, his eyes wide as he stared at Hide. Kaneki turned to stare at Hide as well, who lowered his gun and smiled.

“How could you just leave me hanging like that?” Kaneki knew Hide meant more than the kiss they shared earlier. He meant how Kaneki had disappeared after the last night they had together, how he left without saying a word, without explaining himself.

Kaneki’s breath hitched. “Hide…”

“That _hurt_ , Kaneki. That really hurt.” Hide smiled, even as tears filled the corners of his eyes. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been about you?”

“I’m sorry.” Kaneki’s chest hurt, and he wanted so badly for Hide to gather him up in his arms. He knew that thought was selfish, especially after _he_ was the one who hurt Hide the most. He wanted to comfort Hide too, but he had no idea how. He did not know _if_ Hide wanted comfort from _him_. For all Kaneki knew, Hide hated him for leaving and –

“Can you make me a promise, Ken?” Hide slid his dominator back into his holster and stepped forward, hesitantly touching Kaneki’s waist with one hand. “Can you promise you’ll come back to me after all this is over?”

Kaneki stifled a sob and nodded. “Yes. I promise.” Kaneki sank into Hide’s arms when he opened them up. “I love you so much. Of course I’ll come back.”

Kaneki could hear the sound of someone rushing towards them through the crop and Hide spoke quickly. “If you get the chance, you need to explain what’s going on to me. But right now you need to run, okay?” Hide pushed back and gave Kaneki one last grin. “Go.”

Kaneki ran to Ayato’s prone body, but was surprised to see Banjou was already lifting him.

Kaneki pulled up short, but quickly nodded. “We need to get out of here.” There was a small forest north of the next field. They could lose Hide and his team if they went through there.

…

Hide watched Kaneki’s back as he jogged off. He did not know who the other two with Kaneki were, but he hoped at the least the big guy was trustworthy. The kid on the other hand, looked to be a little out of control. But, he was just a kid. Aogiri even took advantage of children…

Hide’s teeth clenched. What a fucked up world. Of course Aogiri would. It was the easiest way to get recruitments. After all, where did a kid who was a latent criminal go? They could not survive on their own, and an organisation opposing the bureau? Probably sounded like a good deal to them.

Hide sighed, feeling very, very tired. Why did things have to be the way they were?

“Hide!” Amon come up behind Hide, breathing hard. “What happened?”

“Aogiri.” Hide simply stated. “I don’t think we should chase after them.”

“Why not?” Amon’s strange eyebrows pinched together. “What do you mean?”

Hide put his hands on his hips and stared up at Amon. “Take my psycho pass reading.”

“What does that have to do with –“ Amon sputtered as he surveyed the area, looking for where they could have gone.”

“ _I’m serious, Amon_.” Hide snapped. “Point your gun at me.”

Finally, Amon relented and took Hide’s reading. “It’s two-hundred-fourteen.”

Hide rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “When he pointed his gun at me earlier, it activated lethal eliminator mode.”

“Who’s he?” Amon pressed, shifting back and forth on his feet impatiently.

Hide bit his lip. “Kaneki.”

“Shit.” Amon put a hand on his forehead. “What was he doing here? Why did he have a dominator?”

“They’re definitely making them from the stolen parts, though we’ve figured that out already. But I never could have guessed they could actually make it fire.” Hide tapped his chin. “On top of that, they actually may only fire to kill.” When Kaneki was aiming at the kid, the dominator was also in lethal eliminator mode… and also, when Kaneki was hurt so many months ago… that person with the dominator also used lethal eliminator mode when he should not have been able to.

“Are you sure?” Amon asked, clearly thinking over Hide’s words. “If that’s true, it’s best we don’t chase after them. It’s too risky.” Amon’s eyes cut to Hide. “Or are you blinded by your love for Kaneki.”

Hide waved a hand. “I’m not blinded, but I would never be able to hurt him. Would you? Would Touka? Either way, it’s best we don’t go after them. However, I’m fairly certain that the dominators Aogiri are using are different that the one’s we do. And even if it is Kaneki, I can’t trust the people with him to not hurt us, especially since they’re from Aogiri.”

“Alright.” Amon said, sounding just as tired and defeated as Hide was. “Let’s head back to the bureau.”

“Actually,” Hide stared back the direction they came. “There’s something I want to check out first.”

They headed back to the first field, where the fire was nearly extinguished. There were still people putting out the last embers and soaking the area that was burned so that no fire could start back up again. However, it was not the burnt area that interested Hide, but rather the side facing the factories. Kaneki and the others had to have come on foot, and that meant their hideout would be close to where they were.

Once again, they were walking alongside the field, looking for an entrance path. It did not take as long as the first time, and Hide was glad, because it was getting rather hot out.

He found the entrance path he was looking for, meaning Kaneki had indeed come through, which meant that the Aogiri hideout was likely in one of the factories, probably an abandoned one. Finally, he was catching up to Kaneki, finally he was getting somewhere.

They headed back to the bureau shortly after, Hide yearning for a hot shower and a long sleep.

…

“What are you going to do?” Banjou murmured, sitting beside Kaneki as they rested and caught their breath. It seemed no one was chasing them. He guessed it was Hide’s doing. Kaneki sent a silent ‘thank you’ his way.

“The dart will keep Ayato out for a few hours. I would like to head back to base, but that’s probably impossible right now with so many people around. I’ll lay low until he comes around. He probably knows a better way to get into the city.” Kaneki stretched out his legs, feeling them ache with fatigue and bruises. “Ayato did a number on you. How do you feel?”

“A little sore.” Banjou admitted. “But I’ve had worse. I can manage.” Banjou hesitated for a few moments, then spoke. “Does that mean you’re going to let me go?”

“Did you think I was keeping you?” Kaneki raised his eyebrows. “Of course you can go, as long as you don’t say anything about me helping you.”

Banjou smiled. “I suppose I can keep quiet.” He took a deep breath and stood, wincing. “Thank you, Kaneki.”

“No, thank you for being a friend to me. I’ll miss you.” Kaneki smiled. “Is everyone who came with you hidden safely?”

Banjou nodded. “Yeah, I told them to not wait up, so I’m sure they’re long gone by now.”

“That’s good.” As far as Kaneki knew, he and Ayato were the only ones sent out, so it was a relief. The people Banjou cared about were safe.

“Do you want to come with us?” Banjou offered, his expression soft. “I don’t know what reason you joined Aogiri for, but trust me, it’s not worth it in the end.”

“I know.” Kaneki smiled. “But there is something I have to do there. To protect the ones I love.”

“That guy, the enforcer, do you love him?” Banjou murmured.

Kaneki stared down at his hands, gently clenching them. “Yeah.”

“I think I understand.” Banjou came to stand beside Kaneki and bent to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Stay safe.”

“You to.” Kaneki patted Banjou’s wrist, hoping he was being reassuring. Banjou nodded, hesitating again, but Kaneki waved him off. “Go. Everyone will be happy to see you’re okay. I’m sure they’ve been worried.”

Once Banjou left, Kaneki turned his attention to Ayato. Kaneki laid him down under a tree earlier, protecting him from the sun. But now that the sun was setting, it was getting colder out and Ayato began to shiver.

“You’re even a bigger handful than your sister,” Kaneki muttered, slipping his sweater off. “You know, Touka’s called me her little brother, even though she’s younger than me. So, I guess that makes you my sibling too.” Kaneki draped the sweater over Ayato. “Those tranquilizers are killer. You’ll probably be really grumpy when you wake up… geez, what have I gotten myself into.”

Kaneki sat beside Ayato, frowning. He wondered if he should build a fire. There was a possibility it would be seen by someone and reported, certainly after what happened that morning, but it could become necessary if the temperature dropped enough. Though even if he needed to make a fire, he did not have anything to light it with. Kaneki sighed and reached over, patting Ayato’s pockets, hoping he would have something of use on him.

After a minute or so, Kaneki pulled out a small green lighter. He stared at it for a few moments. “If you’re smoking, I’ll kill you for your sister.”

Kaneki picked up a few twigs and some dry grass, making a small starter so he would not have to gather things later if he had to. There were enough rotten and fallen wood laying around them to keep them warm all night. Satisfied, Kaneki waited for the sun to set.


	27. Flee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late. I've been having trouble finding inspiration for this story lately.

Ayato awoke shortly after night fell, and though Kaneki was sure they would head back to the Aogiri base, he was mistaken. Ayato had no intention of going back until they caught the escapees. Though Ayato seemed to buy the story Kaneki gave him, about how an enforcer shot him and Kaneki had to escape quickly and give up tracking, Kaneki could not help but be a little nervous that Ayato was onto him.

The spent a number of days tracking, trying to pick up trails, but ultimately losing them. It seemed the head start Kaneki gave Banjou was enough for him to cover his trackers and not be found. In the end, he was safe and so was everyone else, and Ayato and Kaneki had to head back to base and report that they failed their mission, Ayato snarling out expletives the whole while.

Kaneki was glad to be back. Not only did he have a bed to sleep in, but he also had to sneak out again and talk to Akira. The number of days since Kaneki found her were slowly ticking by and adding to his sense of urgency. Not only that, but Roma had not gotten back to Kaneki either, and that was not helping him stay calm.

Ayato went to speak to Tatara himself, not wanting Kaneki to come along at all. It made Kaneki wonder what exactly his intentions were, and why he was not getting Kaneki to report when Ayato only had second hand accounts of some of the most important information.

Nothing happened before the sunset, leaving Kaneki free enough to sneak back to Akira’s cell. It was easier since he knew where it was, and when he opened it, he almost expected to not see her there. Yet, there she was, looking the same she had nearly a week earlier, if not a little bit thinner.

“Akira.” Kaneki whispered.

She lifted her head, her once clear eyes cloudy. “Kaneki.” Her voice was scratchy, and she cleared her throat.

“Here.” Kaneki handed her the water bottle he brought with him. She took it quickly, greedily gulping down the water. When she was half done, she brought the bottle down, cradling it between her hands.

“What are you doing here?” Akira wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“I was sent here by the bureau – to spy on Aogiri.” Kaneki said quietly. It felt good to finally say. To finally tell someone. “To find out what they’re doing and report back to the chief. The dominators are a big issue and we need to know their plans.”

“The dominators.” Akira murmured. “It’s so simple. So ridiculously simple. Instead of taking the reading of the person being shot, they take the reading of the person shooting. If someone has a high criminal coefficient, it will always shoot. If someone has a low one, it never will.” She stared at the water bottle.

Kaneki went ridged. That meant – that _everyone_ he shot at – was fired at with _his_ reading. His coefficient. Kaneki _killed_ people with his coefficient. For whatever he knew, they could have been innocent. He felt the urge to throw up, his stomach twisting into knots.

“Luckily,” Akira continued. “They haven’t found a way to authorize someone new to use the dominators. That’s why only former investigators or enforcers can use them.” That was the reason Ayato or no one else used the dominators then?

“Why do they need so many parts?” Kaneki managed to choke out, his vision going a little blurry.

“For experiments. Usually they had Seidou and I test the dominators, but I don’t know where he is now.” Akira murmured sadly.

“He was captured by the bureau. Amon’s trying to get him to talk, but he hadn’t said much the last time I heard.” Kaneki said. He wondered if Amon had any success. If he got the answers he was looking for.

“He’s not safe there.” Akira said after a few moments. “Look, Kaneki. You can’t trust the bureau.”

“What do you mean?” Kaneki’s head was starting to spin. Aogiri was their enemy, were they not?

“The bureau has their own secrets and they are not at all clean. Before Seidou and I were captured, we were investigation a break into the headquarters, where the Sibyl System is located. Amon was off on another mission, so Seidou joined me. We controlled the situation and eliminated the Aogiri members who broke in, but it was obvious there was something hidden there. Something the bureau didn’t want us to see. We began looking into it – just Seidou and I.” Akira rambled. “We didn’t want to get Amon involved because we knew he could be against the idea… but a couple weeks after both Seidou and I were taken.”

“Do you think the bureau orchestrated that?” Kaneki asked, trying to calm himself.

“I believe so. It was too much of a coincidence, especially when we were getting _so_ close too.” Akira’s fists clenched. “I need to figure out what’s going on.”

“If the bureau is…” Kaneki shook his head. “I don’t know what to do. I need to get you out of here, but – Akira, what do I do?”

“Ken, what you’re here for isn’t going to help you. Aogiri may be a bad – an evil organisation – but their goals is to take down the bureau. And I’m not so sure the bureau is a good thing anymore. Not after getting the job as an investigator, not after working with all the enforcers. While I think it’s important to keep society safe, I think we’ve gone too far in locking up anyone who might commit a crime. We don’t even know how the Sibyl System measures criminal coefficients. This whole society… it’s wrong. I don’t think people like you should be locked up. You’re a victim, and so are so many others.”

“What do you think I should do?” Kaneki whispered. He needed to protect everyone he cared about, and the best way to do that was…

“What _we_ need to do is get into contact with Amon. Forget this whole mission the bureau sent you on, Kaneki. The best way to save Hide is to get him out of there. Because we both know he would go to the ends of the earth for you. He may already be digging into the bureau’s secrets, and if he is, then he isn’t safe.”

“Then how do we get him out of there?”

“First, we worry about getting out, then we can figure the next step out.” Her eyes locked with Kaneki’s. “Are you with me?”

…

Hide was nervous. It was seven days since he spoke to Itori and that meant it was time to take Amon’s psycho pass reading with a dominator. He did not know how he was going to get his hands on one, but that question was answered when the alarm in the bureau went off and they were given a new mission.

There was a high psycho pass reading recorded and they were to go investigate, _which would have been a normal incident_. If the reading was not recorded near the factories where Hide was sure Aogiri had their base.

They were all given dominators right off the bat. Based on that, Hide guessed the reading was pretty drastic. Touka was on the mission with Hide and Amon. Amon had his mouth twisted with worry.

“What’s the plan?” Hide asked.

Amon sighed. “The usual. We inspect and report, then take action if necessary.”

“And if Kaneki is there?” Touka asked.

Amon hesitated. “If we can question him, then we will.” Yet Amon mentioned nothing about them capturing him. “Let’s go.”

When they arrived at the scene, it was chaos. People were running in every direction. Someone knocked into Hide’s shoulder as they ran by and if it wasn’t for Touka grabbing his arm, he would have fallen.

“What the hell is going on?” Hide gasped, rubbing the forming bruise.

“I don’t know.” Amon huffed. “I don’t know anything.” He took off into the crowd, leaving Hide and Touka scrambling to catch up.

“Hey!” Touka dragged Hide after her as she sprinted. “Don’t go off on your own!”

Hide watched hopelessly as Amon disappeared within the crowd. “Damn it.”

“What do we do?” Touka asked, her hand clutched around her dominator.

“Do what we always do.” Hide said. “We find the source of the psycho pass disturbance and fix it.”

“Fuck. Okay.” Touka nodded to herself. “I’ll lead.”

“Careful not to leave me behind?” Hide laughed.

Touka shook her head. “No promises.”

They headed in the opposite direction of so many people fleeing. It was mass hysteria. People were screaming and crying. Violence was always such a shock to a society that was not desensitized to it. With the implementation of the Sibyl System, violence became greatly decreased, but when it _did_ come up…

Hide wondered how many people would be picked up by the bureau after the incident. How many people would be locked away until they recovered? How many people would never recover? How many would be locked away for the rest of their life?

Every person Hide passed told a story. Some were dressed in business attire or other uniforms, probably on their way to work. Perhaps she worked in computer technology. Maybe he worked in a café. Yet here, on this day, their lives could end. Their lives could be ruined.

Even if someone recovered their psycho pass and was reintegrated by society, they would have difficulty finding a job. Latent criminals had a habit of relapsing, and no one wanted to hire someone who might be locked up again in a couple months.

Hide hated when things like this happened. When innocent people were exposed to such violence and horror, only to be locked away, just like Kaneki was.

As more people passed, Hide could tell whatever happened was bad. He saw an estranged woman passed by, blood splattered on her face. Hide wanted to stop, to see if she was okay, but Touka grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

“You can’t help her right now.” Touka paused and her eyes cut to him. “The most important thing we can do right now is make sure everyone evacuates so that no one else is hurt.”

“But…” The flow of the crowd moved around them. It felt suffocating, like Hide could be swept away with them any minute.

“You need to focus.” Touka hissed. “I know it’s bad. You know it’s bad. But I need you at the top of your game. Are you with me?”

Hide hesitated, then gave her a brisk nod. “Yeah, I’m with you.”

“Good.”

They continued, passing more and more people who were blood splattered by… something. Hide felt more and more sick as he passed them. He swore he saw pieces of flesh on people as well, but he could not be sure.

By Touka’s stiff frown, Hide could see she was guessing the same thing he was.

They finally arrived to the source. It was a bloody mess. There was red everywhere, coating the ground and running thickly down the slight slope. That was when he saw him, and a strangled cry tore from Hide’s throat.

“Kaneki!”


End file.
